My ex-mother-in-law just left. I am staying in my ex-husband's house to take care of our daughter since he moved to another state due to job reasons. I live in another state.
My ex-mother-in-law made some comments to me that made me feel very sad.
She said that if I go back, I will have to look for someone again and how do I know what type of person they will be. I think that if I am alone its okay. I can be busy with my career and outside activities.
She also said that the only two problems that her son has are anger and that he likes to control. These are not big problems in her eyes.
She said that I will lose control of my child when she goes to college. She said that she still has control over her three children.
How do I react to these statements?
2007-02-24 13:35:34 · 10 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
This is not a good person to be around.Leave asap, this mother in law is negative and her son is controling because she is controling.His anger is probably due to her controling nature. I have people in my family like that. From experience I can say they don't want good for you. I would not react i would remove myself from the situation.
2007-02-24 13:43:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Listen up. A mother knows her own son. The lady has tried to tell you that her son has an ANGER problem. Wake up lady. Your mother-in-law also sound like she is CONTROLLING. Where do you think he learned this from? Find your backbone! They are trying to get you to relinquish the house. You say that you you have a career and outside activities, then find ways for you and your daughter to enjoy them with out his family. Are you spending as much time as you should be with your daughter? Do you go for walks with her? Do you go to museums with her? Do you laugh for no reason with her? Do you teach her any aspects of your career? Focus more on your child's growth than on your mother-in-law and her son. You are the mother now and someday your daughter will be. The two of them (your ex and his mother) are working together against you.
2007-02-24 14:02:52 · answer #2 · answered by DARMADAKO 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's trying to manipulate you because she doesn't like that fact that she is not in control of the situation.
Sounds like her family has an issue with controlling others. Not a good trait. We have a member of our family who has an issue like this and since a number of incidents we have come to let her know that the controlling is not appreciated.
If you are not happy with your ex-husband then you're not happy.
And about your daughter? Just be there for her. You're ex-mother-in-law is correct, you will lose control of her, but that is what happens when they leave the nest. It slowly becomes their turn to learn to control their own life and isn't that what parenting is about? Teaching them how to make it on their own?
I know it's definately not about trying to control them their entire lives.
2007-02-24 13:45:15 · answer #3 · answered by neat09 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man, that's a really BS thing of her to say. To be honest though, if I were in your position, I would just shrug it off. I've kind-of learned not to argue with people like that, because they almost never change their minds and it just turns into a bitter argument. Really maybe you should just try to be respectful and stay out of her way while you are living in her house.
If you're feeling sad and alone... I think you need to change something. Maybe you could find a new job or join some kind-of organization for single-mothers or something and meet some new people that aren't creepy, controlling, and manipulative
2007-02-24 13:40:57 · answer #4 · answered by james m 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I'd rejoice in my decision to divorce this man AND his mother. Wonder where he ever learned to try to control people? So you have to look for someone if you don't go back to him. I know you will do a better job in picking a mate with your attitude that you can be happy getting straight with yourself. The women who get into trouble are the ones who think they have to find someone else because they are afraid to be alone. They usually end up with someone just like the person they got rid of. As to losing control of your child when she goes to college, if you have done a good job of raising her, she will be prepared to be out from under your control. And I have news for your mother-in-law. Everyone loses control of their children when they leave home. Some still try to control them with money or guilt but neither work. Spend every day you have with your child teaching her to make good choices so she can stand on her own two feet at college age. We all make mistakes and your kid will too but we learn from them and make our lives better. That's what you are doing right now. The remarks she made to you are intended to get you under her control so you will feel lonely and sad and she did a good job. Don't let her work you like that. And for heavens sake take a stand now on how her time with your daughter is spent. I once overheard a conversation between my father and my seven year old son. He didn't like the man I married after the death of my first husband. He told my son that he was going out of town on business but to just remember how much he loves him. Up to that point I thought it was so sweet but then he told him just to remember that his step-father is not his dad and he doesn't have to mind him. I was so stunned I was speechless and then I told my son to hang up and told my dad that we were on speaker phone and I'd just heard the whole thing. I still have no idea why he said it but can you imagine how much trouble it would have caused my son to have that continue. My parents never spent another second alone with my son until he was in high school and had a driver's license to go where he wished. It still amazes me that my dad would do something so evil but he did. I wouldn't put it past your mother-in-law to try to undermine you in a similar way so be forewarned. She sounds like she is a master of manipulation as was my father. You and your daughter will be in my prayers.
2007-02-24 14:03:45 · answer #5 · answered by moonrose777 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She has no problem with her son because he is just like her.
You are not, therefore, she does not like you.
She sounds very negative and controlling.
If you have custody of your child, leave both the ex's behind and ignore the wicked witch's opinions.
In any case, no one deserves to be treated like slime. Ignore her as best you can and get away from her asap.
2007-02-24 13:44:38 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your feeling that way because you are letting what she said to you get under your skin. As long as you are doing right for you and your daughter that is all that matters. Just ignore her chatter and keep doing what you are doing don't let her bring you down.
2007-02-24 14:02:24 · answer #7 · answered by luscious0071 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
politely tell her to mind her own business. tell her not to worry about you and your daughter.
2007-02-24 13:45:52 · answer #8 · answered by firefly 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to mind her own beezwax
2007-02-24 13:39:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
you're depressed
2007-02-24 13:47:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋