How do you convince relatives to accept that you are homeschooling?

Question

My daughter, an only child has Asperger's Syndrome and I am having a hard time convincing my family to accept homeschooling her as a viable option.

They think that I am unqualified to teach my own child and that I am doing her a disservice because she won't be forced to interact with her same age peers everyday.

My own experience in "regular" school was almost entirely negative. I was bored out of my mind because the work was too easy and the more I was forced to "interact with my same age peers" the worse my social situation got.

My parents had no idea what was going on at school until I told them (years later).

I have learned most social skills the hard way and think it would be better for me to oversee my daughter's social interactions so that I can help her to recognize social blunders as they arise and help her to assess the difference between good and bad social situations.

How do I convince my family to accept this decision?

My daughter is only 4 right now, but I plan to start formal home schooling when she is about 7.

Right now we go to MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) and play at the park one once a week

By relatives I mean: Aunts, one of my parents, grandparents, siblings.

Answer 1

Don't let your focus be on convincing them. You don't need their approval or agreement. It'd be nice, but you don't need it.

The fact of the matter is that they are who they are with their own baggage and understanding. It's really not your place to convince them of something else; admittedly, it's not their place to try to convince you of something else, but two wrongs don't make a right. :)

I suggest checking out the book Nonviolent Communication. It'll help you formulate ways to reflect back what they are saying and to address their fears as well as to help you say what you are wanting from the situation (half the battle in situations like this is having the 'other side' feel truly heard), even if it's just to tell them that you understand they don't approve but were hoping to be left alone about it. The book will guide you better than I can with this particular approach!

One thought that comes to mind is to tell them that you are not going to defend yourself, that you've done your research and found too much that says this is a good idea for now and that you'd be willing to share any information that you've found out, but are not willing to be in a conversation where others are trying to convince you to not homeschool. Another thought: Tell them you would never try to convince them to pick one form of schooling over another and you'd like the same respect given to you.

Answer 2

I am an alumni of homeschoolers anonymous. I am an only child that has had to keep this information from some relatives because of certain beliefs. My parents did the best they could with what they had: they had the internet, local homeschoolers' groups, support groups, educational tv and videos from the library, etc. Homeschooling IS doable, IF you're willing to commit to it. It is time-consuming and not always rewarding. But what I got out of it was that I was usually challenged creatively, being forced to use my mind to find out-of-the box answers. From a young age I was able to converse intelligently with adults, and without fear! I was never socially inept because I was always involved in church, sports, dance, random community college classes, and plenty of summer jobs. Whether your family accepts your decision should not change your decision. You want the best for your child, so go after it! Let nothing stop you or distract you from your vision. They'll come around, eventually. But for now, stick to your guns and find outside support.

Answer 3

When you say "relatives" or "family", I'm not sure whether you're talking about immediate family (such as your own husband and your other children, if you have any), or other family members who are not part of your immediate household.

If it's anyone who is not a member of your own immediate household, tell them to go **** themselves. She's your daughter and you have a right to raise her as you see fit.

If it's people in your immediate household, then be sure to let them know that you intend to provide your child with plenty of socialization activities. Most of the people I know who were homeschooled turned out kinda weird and socially awkward. However, one of my friends who was homeschooled turned out totally normal. Better than normal, even. This is because her parents got her involved in a lot of community activities where she could meet kids her own age. I.e. community theater, dance classes, music lessons, church youth group activities, etc. School isn't the only way a child can be socialized. If you take care to ensure your child has opportunities like this while she is growing up, she'll turn out fine. School isn't the only way a child can be socialized.

Answer 4

You can't convince them of anything. Just make it a nonissue and don't discuss it with them. Like several other people mentioned, it really is none of their business, and they will have to grit their teeth.

Someone I know called it the 'bean dip' theory. If you're eating dinner and someone says something about homeschooling, you just respond "Thanks for your opinion, would you please pass the dip?" After getting the broken record treatment, they should learn that you aren't available for arguments. Don't answer in detail about how homeschooling is going either, just say "Oh, we're fine" or "we're busy" and leave it at that. And whatever else you may do... NEVER let them know you're stressed or tired, or unsure. Any weakness is like being the slowest gazelle in front of the lions, they will take you out! LOL! Find a support group for that, there are hundreds out there. My cousin is a teacher, and half the family is with her and half with me, I just don't make it an issue (especially since my children are smarter and better behaved than hers, it's pretty obvious who's doing better)

Just so you know, the social stuff is exactly right. Kids of any type, not just those with autism, do much better when their unsocial activities are pointed out immediately and it doesn't become ingrained.

Good luck, we love homeschooling.

Answer 5

I have a son 8 dx AS and a 7yo with traits of AS. After trying to keep the older boy in school for three and a half years we pulled both boys out of school and now homeschool them through dist ed. Best decision we ever made. We now have a much happier and calmer household. When it comes down to it it is your decision. You will be able to teach your child and how can forcing your child into social contact she can't cope with a good thing. We now socialize at the level the boys can cope with on the theory that if they enjoy it they will want to do it again and will see is as a positive thing instead of something that causes them to have a meltdown. Believe me you don't need "qualifications" to teach your child. You know your child best and you go with what you feel will work. For us homeschooling is the only choice.

Answer 6

Don't defend your choice. Simply say that as her parent you believe that this is the best option for your child. If it doesn't work out as planned it is not a permanent decision, she can always try school later. You will look at her options every year and make the best choices you can at that time. As your child blossoms with homeschooling they will begin to accept that it is a viable option. They will learn from her about all the wonderful opportunities she has encountered outside of school, and about the friends she makes.

It is tough but it does get easier. We are in our third year of homeschooling and now my parents cut out positive articles they see about homeschooling to give to me. It will get easier!

Answer 7

My husband also had bad experiences in public schools, and was later homeschooled. He loved it, and he still interacted with other children his age. he got his high school diploma through home school, and later went to college. I dont think that it concerns your relatives as far as what you are doing with your own daughter. there are plenty of groups around also that you can get your daughter involved in. It's not like you are locking her up in her own house. When I start having kids, my husband and I are always going to home school. I wouldnt worry about what your relatives think. If you feel that you are doing the right thing, and your daughter is happy with the situation, then go for it.

Answer 8

There was an article in the September 2006 Reader's Digest that gave a good example of homeschooling. It also cited a Columbia U. study that found that homeschoolers scored higher on college entrance exams than p.s. students. If you can't find that article (It's entitled "How to Raise an A+ Student" starting on page 167 of the September 2006 Reader's Digest), email me.

Answer 9

I understand the opposition you are receiving.at first i was surprised at the response i received from friends and family ,even a little hurt at the lack of support .everyone was quite outspoken about it ,some thought it was illegal.some thought it was abusive .as i was "keeping them from reality" and not allowing them to socialize and interact with others ,they,d grow up not knowing how to live in the real world!But as years went by and they began to see how my children were doing some came over into our camp,one of my friends has since,begun homeschooling their children.another was my fiercest protester.She has since confided she felt threatened, as though i thought she was a bad mother because she did,nt home school. years have past since i started homeschooling my first child and our living situation has changed to where i can no longer do so,so my children are in regular schools now, they had no difficulty in fitting into the real world and are seen by adults as more mature and responsible than other children their age. my oldest was placed two years ahead after testing for placement. and all their reading skills are way ahead of their years.I actually had family worried about my putting them into public school!You just need to stick to your guns and let the results speak for themselves. they,ll come around or they wont.You sound like a dedicated mother who wants the best for her child. don't let outsiders dissuade you.><> ><> ><>

Answer 10

I'm actually surprised that you have gain their approval at all. I don't think it's any of their business how you choose to educate your own child. Having said that, they are probably ignorant of the positive aspects of home-schooling, so maybe you could invite one or two to the next meeting with other home-schoolers. I know in Ohio where my niece is home-schooling, they have several field-trip activities to be involved in, etc... Also, my niece is not anything more than a concerned parent, like yourself, who is choosing an alternative to the crappy public school system in place. Good luck with your endeavor. My niece actually enjoys it immensely and is re-learning everything too! which is always a plus.