what do you tell a child when there mother dies suddenly.?

Question

my child is six years old, her mother died in a car accident two weeks ago.she misses her bad,and all can do is hold her and tell her mommy's asleep in Heaven and is with God.One day he will wake her up and she will be with God forever.

Thank You so much for all the answers,they have helped me,help her,God bless all of you.

Answer 1

I am so sorry about you and your daughter's loss.

We told our son when my father in law died that sometimes, because of old age, or accident, or disease, people's bodies can't work on Earth anymore. The good news is God brings their soul to Heaven and there they can be all better. The sad news is they have to stay there so that means we will miss them.

Don't let anyone tell your daughter that it is "God's Will" or that God must of needed her. It may make her fearful that God may take you at anytime or angry that God would take her mom away.

Hospice has many many wonderful programs for children that have suffered loss. I would start there - I would call tomorrow.

http://www.hospicenet.org/html/child.html

Answer 2

I'm so sorry. . .

You are telling her exactly what she needs to hear - that mommy is in a better place and isn't hurting any longer. But I think that you both may need some counceling. That is something very hard to deal with alone, and someone outside of the situation may be able to help you more than you think. And find out if there are any groups out there for you to attend for father's (I am assuming) in your situation. Sometimes others in the same situation as yourself are great helps, and can give you some personal, first hand experience.

Good luck, and don't go it all alone.

Answer 3

I am so sorry for the loss. I just lost my grandmother and I know this is no comparison to a mother, but anyway I had to figure out how to explain death to my 5 yr old. My oldest son's mother died a month before his dad and I married - but he was only 2 and already lived with his dad - so it wasn't quite as hard. I knew I had to be honest with him because he questions everything. So I told him that she died and God took her to heaven, and we were going to go see her old body that she had when she was alive and that when she went up to heaven God gave her a new one because the old one wasn't very good anymore. Of course I got questions like, "How did she get to heaven? Did she just use her cane and walk up there?" All of this is very hard to deal with when you as an adult are grieving yourself and wanting to protect your children as much as you can at the same time. I think you are doing all that you can do. There is no easy way to deal with it. Just let her grieve but also don't forget to grieve yourself. Odds are she will deal with it better than you in the long run.

Answer 4

The best thing to do is tell your daughter the truth and let your daughter know that she can ask you anything she wants to know about what happened and that you will be honest with her. She needs to go through the grieving process and will go through various stages ranging from anger to depression. The most important thing that you can do for her is let her know that you aren't going anywhere and you will still be there to take care of her.
From what you have been telling her, it appears that you are religious, so you may want to ask her to talk to you about what she thinks Heaven is like. If you do this with her it may help her to feel more at ease with what is happening in her own life. If she can form an image of the beautiful place where she believes her mother is than she may be able to find comfort in knowing that her mother is in a happy place.
You may want to also let your daughter know that every time she is doing something that you know her mother would have loved to have seen that her mother is watching her from Heaven and is proud of her. Though it may just seem like words, those words can be helpful to children and adults alike.
The other thing that you and your daughter can do is visit her mother's resting place and leave her letters. This has been proven to help people. Because of your daughter's age you may want to consider having her tell you what she wants written in the letter or having her draw pictures to leave there.
Hopefully this helps you and your daughter in the grieving process.

Answer 5

You've already told her what you can tell a 6 year old child.
Tell her God is in control and he is taking care of everything.
Tell her not to worry about anything. Mabey you should say mommie woke up now.
Tell her mommie wants her to be happy and will always love her. This is the perfect time to talk to a Godly pastor.
Get closer to God yourself. find a good church and be commited.
She needs other [happy] children to be around, children who are raised with care.

Answer 6

Another thing that has helped my family is to wirte a message on a balloon and send it to mommy (in my case my dad). It has helped a lot. Especially with my kids. It makes them feel so much better to be able to send a message to their grandpa. My youngest is 2 1/2 and she colors on a baloon and sends it. (A baloon filled with helium) When ever they are sad or just want to "talk to grandpa" they send a baloon to him. theres a song called the "baloon song" mark wills sings it. That has helped as well. all 3 of my kids know the song by heart and out the blue they will start singing it.


Heres the lyrics to the song.

I set a friend of mine up on a date
And i told him i'd watch his boy for the day
And we had a ball playin' games, eatin' dogs
Riding rides at the county fair
I thought he was just being a kid
When we got back to my place
And he did what he did
On a balloon that he won
He wrote mama i had fun
I missed you and i wished you were there
I wasn't sure what he had in mind
'till he jumped up and ran outside and

He let it go, he waved goodbye, or was it hello?
I don't know but i died inside
I can still see his excitement
Him pointing and smilin'
When it was gone as it could get
He turned and asked me
You think it's in heaven yet?

Well i struggled for something to say
I was too choked up and
Lackin' the kind of faith he had in his heart
Before i could start
He walked me back inside
He gave me his crayola pen
Said, i bet there's a message that you'd like to send
And no doubt he was right it's been locked
Up inside since grandpa said goodbye
I took that yellow balloon and i wrote
'til i ran out of room then

I let it go and we waved goodbye
That seven year old
Lord he opened my eyes
I can still see his excitement
Him pointing and smilin'
When it was gone as it could get
I turned and asked him
You think it's in heaven yet?

Answer 7

I am the mom of 2, and want to say how sorry I am for your loss and for your little girl. What you have told her is just right for a six yr old. I am so sorry again.
Maybe in time it will help her (and you) to look at pictures of mommy to help her keep the good memories in her heart. But right now, you both just need to greive.
You might want to see about grief counselling for her, it is alot for you to do alone
God Bless you and your little one

Answer 8

My Sincere sympathy's go out to you and your family!
My brother was killed Christmas just gone and I have 4 children-9mths, 3yrs, 6yrs & 9yrs.
Firstly you have to be honest and in my opinion I don't think it's a good idea to tell a child that the person is sleeping no matter where you say they are sleeping.
I told my children that their Uncle had been killed and I explained as carefully as I could, how it happened and that they wouldn't be able to see him anymore. They were very upset and cried alot. My older son broke down at the funeral but my daughter did not. 4 weeks later she heard a song we had played at the funeral and she broke down completely. I had to hold and console her and tell her that it was alright to cry and to think of her Uncle.
I also gave my children their own special photo of their Uncle which the 2 older one's keep close to them.

I also found this website which helps in explaining death to children
http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/death.html

Just remember that like you, your daughter will continue to grieve and you just have to be patient with her.

Answer 9

i am sorry for you loss and that you have to go though such a tough situation i wish a had a great answer and could help you but i don't think i could handle this situation any better than you have done

have you given her a picture of his mom to keep in her room so mommy will all ways be with her and maybe something of hers so she will all ways be close to her mom

im sorry im not sure i have been of any help

Answer 10

I am so sorry for your loss,you must tell her the truth.Her mom is not asleep but you can tell her that she is with god in heaven,but she has to know that her mother is not alive.I know it may be hard,but you will find out eventually anyway,when she gets older,and so its best you tell her now.