Help. Help. Heeeeeeeelp please?

Question

I was raped when I was 9.
Now I'm 22 and I usually get myself into trouble.
There are times that I get the feeling that I like to be abused sexually. I look for people who would hurt me and then after they've abused me I cry and hate myself and would usually cut myself.
I can't disguss this with my psychologist because I'm not ok about it and I feel humiliated if I do.
What's wrong with me?

Answer 1

Your psychologist is not there to judge you, and they can not effectively help you if you are not honest with them. You may think that your situation is unique and therefore embarrassing to talk about. Any good therapist has heard just about everything, and you would be hard pressed to tell them anything shocking to them.

It's my gut feeling that you really don't like the sexual abuse as you think you do, rather it gets you the attention you desire. The fact that you 'cry' and 'hate yourself' afterwords should be a clue for you that this is not the right way to get the attention you seem to be seeking.

People usually 'cut themselves' for a couple of reasons, 1- to get attention, or 2- a form of self punishment. I am not sure what your motivation is for doing that, but it says that you need to seek treatment from a professional who can help you discover why and help you back onto the path of happiness and inner peace.

If you feel uncomfortable with one therapist, then seek another with whom you can be completely honest with. Don't worry about how it appears to others, focus on your own well being and happiness.

You suffered a tragic event as a child, one that no child should have to endure, now the key is to learn to live with it one step at a time.

Peace and blessings to you.

Answer 2

Don't feel humiliated. It's not your fault you feel this way. It's whoever raped you when you were a little kid. That's a very, very traumatic experience, especially for a 9-year-old and I'd think it strange if someone didn't develop some sort of problem later on in life.

And I feel the same exact way over psychologists. You have to remember, thought, that they're used to this sort of thing. They deal with so many cases that they've seen everything by now and they know what to do. They can help. That's the entire reason that field exists, not to make people feel embarrassed or pressured but to help. They're not there to judge you. Ask anyone in psychiatry why they wanted to go into that field and you'll probably get the same answer across the board. They want to help people. Many have gone through traumatic experiences themselves and understand what it feels like to feel helpless, confused, and embarrassed.

You do need to get help, though. This will not go away with time. The best thing you can do for yourself is to get some help as soon as possible. No one will think less of you for it.

Answer 3

People that have suffered that kind of traumatic thing will often refer back to the very thing, kind of personality or action that hurt them, to not only try and make sense of it, but also to try and get their power back from it. People like control and when a person does that to you, especially when you are young, they take your power from you.

You do not like to be abused sexually... You prefer that if you are going to be abused... that it be somewhat under your control... That is different.

Many women who were raped or sexually molested often become promiscuous and or act out in a negative way... Most prostitutes and women in prison for anything really, were sexually abused, raped or molested as young girls You are not alone.

You SHOULD however tell your therapist... She can't begin to help make you better until you are willing to open up and allow her to help you. Believe me... chances are that your therapist already knew anyway. If they are at all good at what they do they will already know anyway? There is no shame... You are an innocent child that had something horrible happen to you. There is nothing shameful about that or anything you do as a result to hurt yourself... You do however need to stop it and learn how to re claim your life

Good luck to you... I'm so sorry that happened to you and I understand more than you might think I do...

Answer 4

Hi ME,
There is nothing "wrong" with you!! Believe me these are normal reactions and behavior of someone that has gone through what you have gone through. Dont think there is anything wrong with you sweety. Until you get some help from a Doc or Psych you will always be in self destruct mode. You will always seek out abusers in relationships. honey do you want that for your life? If not you must talk with a professional as soon as you can. You dont have to tell them who it was or everything. Just start the process sweety. Your life will turn around for the better once you get some help. And dont worry we alllll need help sometimes!! God Bless and you are not alone

Answer 5

I know you're feeling like absolute CRAP, but you're not. You we're only 9 when this horrible thing happened to you. Trust me, you don't like abuse, no one really does even if they think they do. You can't blame yourself for this, the man who did this to you deserves to go to hell and he will. You need to release your past, get your priorities straight and get on with your life. You can become a better more confident person and hypnosis could possibly help you, these sites seem very good. If you don't believe in hypnosis or if you're cautious do not try it, don't hurt yourself if you feel this is a bad thing for it is absolutley only a suggestion. Then you've got to get the confidence to tell your phsycologist about this even though it makes you feel disgusting about yourself. You'll feel a little better once it's out in the open. Get all your loved ones to help you change your ways and become the person you really want to be. Either way it will just take time, I wish you the best of luck with this and I hope you can feel better about your life because you CAN do it. Get lot's of love and support during this difficult time Good Luck hunny.

Answer 6

Nothing is wrong with you..... this is what happens to all of us. BUT you must tell your psychologist and if i were you, I would be seeing a psychiatrist not a psychologist..... I am 57 still suffering from things of the past..... keep them in, you will act out, you must find a good shrink to talk to and do not do not do not screw around at all.... get your head back first. I am so sorry for you... Been there..... you need tiime to heal and a professional to help. Do not get involved with anyone, no sex, and get a good doctor and TALK to them or ou will suffer even more.....Also, I hope you have had this idiot arrested... go to police press charges and get a good shrink....... sorry honey, takes time of guilt, sorrow, worry..... get him punished, be ok with yourself alone without a guy, and get a good psychiatrist MD to talk to....... or you will suffer your life away...... hugs

Answer 7

Sweetie, you have to gather your courage and realize that you HAVE to discuss this with your psychologist if you are gonna overcome it. Be brave.

Your psychologist isn't there to judge you, in any way. Trust me on this. You can't be helped if you can't muster the courage to talk about it. Trust me....you aren't the only one with these type of problems.

Nothing is wrong with you....but, what was done to you is very wrong. What is going on with you can be fixed. But, you are gonna have to trust someone. And, if you feel you can't trust your psychologist....maybe, you need to find a new one that you feel you can trust. But, please....open up....and get yourself the help you need. LIfe really can be a good thing!

God bless!

Answer 8

If you can become brave enough to talk to your psychologist, I think it would be the biggest breakthrough you could achieve. Right now, you are going down a road and falling into a rut. You manage to pull yourself out of it, and end up going down the same road and falling into the same rut. I am not sure if it is because it is a familiar feeling to you and or because you are trying to punish yourself. Or maybe it's something else entirely.

Answer 9

you are punishing yourself for others bad deeds and that's not rite..I'm so sorry that you got abused and that will mess you up big time' i know I've been there,you think it was your fault that you got abused 'but it was not your fault ...you really should go try to get help at mental health ..they will and do not judge people for things there done or what has happened in your life....i used to punish myself also,,it took 2yrs but now i know it was nothing i did to have people abuse me so much....go get some help or just go talk ok good luck friend your a good person..

Answer 10

i do the same thing too i was raped when i was 14 and now i'm 16 but plz get help asap

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