should i give my baby up for adoption?(bad situation)?

Question

ok...i know ppl might judge me but this is my situation and i am in need of some advice before i go insane. i am married but seperated and we have a 3 year old together. i am now 31 weeks pregnant with another mans baby who i am also not with. i have no job..live with my parents who supports both me and my daughter for the time being...this has been a really depressing and stressful pregnancy..i have to watch my parents (god love em) financially support my kid..and i cant let them do that with another one..how can i get my life on track with two kids...the father wants to keep this baby but i dont...and with this baby being a girl i dont know if i can trust a man who has guy friends over all the time...and his parents are disabled and cant hardly help out...the bottom line is that i cant provide for this kid and he really cant take care of her either on his own..but i cant talk him into adoption...can someone plz help me out...it would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

You can't go wrong to give your baby up to a loving 2 parent family. It take huge courage to do what your considering, but it's not wrong in the slightest. You might want to speak with some layers, because if you give up the baby, the father will also need to sign over his rights. Talk to a lawyer about your situation, there could be other alternatives.

Best of luck to you

Answer 2

I'm sorry for your current situation. I can't judge you because I'm a mom and I think mothers just try the best they can possibly do. Can you at least for the meantime get some public assistance? that can relieve some stress. I believe you can get on the right track with two children. It will be hard. But it can be done. First off you would need to stay away from negative people (the boyfriend that's not around etc.). Is your husband (ex) paying child support? If not it's time to go after that. ASAP. Whether or not he wants to. If you feel down because of the public assistance don't you are doing it to help your children who are the most important things in your life. You can get through this hurdle. You might feel scared, alone, unworthy, and/or ashamed. But don't. Cry if you have to. After you cry go wash your face. Look in the mirror and tell yourself : I am important, intelligent, loving, caring, strong, worthy, lovable, and determined. I can and will get through this. I am a woman, a daughter, a friend, a mother that deserves happiness, and a future. Speak to your parents. Sit down and tell them how you feel. You can all work together and get through this. I have gone through very very tough times that required the help of my mother. I have 3 children. I was so depressed and down I thought I would never get out of it. I'm not going to lie, I thought it was the end of the world. But little by little I kept pushing forward. I would cry, write my feelings down on paper., I would just sit hours on end feeling as if I had no energy to do anything. Thinking how can I provide for my children, but I prayed, cried, prayed and did it all over again. I still have more to go. But you know what my children give me the determination, to go on. My third child was not planned and he was born with a disability. He had surgery and is doing fine. You would never guess he has a disability. He is smart as a whip but that boy has taught me a lot. And to think I wasn't sure I could continue. It's ok to question. That's what shows me you ARE a great mom. If your worried about what others think look into your 3yr olds eyes and when he/she looks at you, you ARE the smartest most beautiful person he/she has ever seen and that's what truly matters. Who cares if you go seek help from public assistance? You do what you have to do for your children just make sure it is legal, that way you can always be there for them. No matter what your decision is please just take the time to gather your thoughts, write down all the positive things you have around you, read that list. Then decide. My prayers are with you and your family.

Answer 3

I have had a very rocky past but have been in a very similar situation about 7 years ago. I know the though of struggling with a new baby is a hard thought, especially relying on your parents, as I was too. However I could not bring myself to give away this life I created. I was told I was being selfish and only thinking of myself but when I look now at my 12 year old and my 8 year old(who have different fathers)..... I am so glad I chose not to give one of them away. You don't plan to be on the bottom relying on someone else forever do you? I'm sure you don't. Think of the big picture not just the here and now. How will you feel about this baby 10 years from now when you have made something of yourself and could afford her. You can not change you mind then.....

Answer 4

I think that in most situations the baby belongs with its real family. You already have a kid. That kids knows they have a sister. I'm sure your other kid would enjoy the new sibling. I enjoyed have mine and can't imagine life without them. I don't have a good job and i have a daughter who is almost one and I would give anything for her to be able to have a sibling in a few years. Where I live we have very good community resources. We have housing authority which provides cheap housing units for people like you and me. We have heartland daycares who watch young infants just a few months old all the way up till they are in school for free. We have this Wic program which buys baby formula and various other items for your kids until they are 5. Birthright here gives you diapers when you are in need and don't have the money to get them. I heard about a program here that will even give you a car if you need one. I suggest looking around for these kind of programs around your community and doing whatever it takes to keep you baby with its family. I always think of it this way, when you take a family picture and everyone is happy and smiling, well there will always be a smiling face missing from that picture. The baby might have more expensive resources with a different family but I believe in this world that all we need is love. With love we can make it through any difficult time.

Answer 5

I couldn't judge you for somthing like that, Adoption is the most wonderfull thing a mother could do. Adoption gives couples a chance to have a baby, when it may not be possible naturally.
You would be giving this baby a better home, and your thinking of your parents at the same time, which is wonderfull. The father is not capable of looking after a child, and niether are his parents and open adoption would be Great for you and the Father as an open adoption gives regular reports on the child how its doing and i think it sends a copy of their school report card. I know it would be hard, but if you want best for your little girl, you have to say goodbye :'(

Answer 6

Wow, that's a tough one. I see your point. If you think about it, giving the baby up for adoption would be even worse than giving it to the father to take care of. At least with the father having the baby, you'd be able to see your child.

I know it's rough but the government will help you with your new baby. I don't normally like doing the welfare thing but there are just times that it can't be helped and I think this is one of those times.

For emotion sake, you need to keep this baby. I almost wish I could help you. I've always wanted a daughter (I had a son and my wife refused to have any more).

Keep your baby and let your love flow into it. Try the welfare thing until you can get a job or another man.

Answer 7

You have to follow your heart on this. You already have a HUGE advantage having supportive parents. Putting the baby up for adoption would probably be the easiest thing to do. However, if you want to keep the child, you are going to have to work very hard, make a lot of sacrifices, and remember that your wants, needs etc. do not come first anymore, your children do. That is want being a mother is all about. We all make mistakes, and learn from them by dealing with the consequences.
Good Luck, and hang in there.

Answer 8

If the father really wants this child there may not be anything you can do. Some states have to have the fathers signature for you to put your baby up for adoption. This is a very hard decision for you to make and I wish you all the luck. Try to convince the father that this is best. Adoptive parents are well screened. Adoption is very expensive and most people who can afford it, can also afford to give this child a decent life and hopefully the same love that you would.

Answer 9

Thats a tough question for anyone to answer. All I can do is give you some advice. I can't tell you if you should give your baby up for adoption or not. Its really up to you and your babies father. I don't know what the laws about adoption are where you live. But in most cases where the parents aren't married the mother has the right to adopt the baby out even if the father wants to keep it. Look up adoption laws where you live to see if this is true for you. If the father knows you want to put the baby up for adoption he can go to court to see if he can have the baby. Don't forget to look up the laws in your area. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Answer 10

I would recommend, if you aren't neglectful or abusive (sorry, I am just being objective), that you keep your babies. Keep your family together. You will seriously regret giving up your baby for adoption later on.

While your parents are helping out, get yourself into a school program....vocational training....if you can't get help from your parents, you can apply for loans.

I can tell you that the higher paying jobs for not much time in school include radiology and ultrasound technicians. It is 2-4 years in school, but when you get out you will be making $20 per hour.

It is important that you take advantage of education while you are young and while your parents are willing to help.

Don't give your baby to the father, but insist that the father stays involved, and stays a big part of your baby's life....through her WHOLE life. Kids who don't have father's involvement have a lot of problems later on. The fact that you are living with your parents isn't so bad. It is a lovely thing for children to grow up in extended families like that....as long as the family isn't abusive.

With school over with, you can start working and move out, and raise your kids successfully, and maybe help your parents out when they need it. Be patient, and work hard, and it will all pay off in a few years.