+ Parents and Grandparents Only Please +?

Question

When ever I take my son to my parents house they don't respect my decisions. Just For Example: I will tell me son No Candy (it makes him wild and very mean) and as soon as I walk out of the room my mom will give it to him and then laugh it off.
But now my son does not respect me when we go there. He will sit there and yell at me, kick, bit and everything else. he only does this when we go there and after we go there.
I have a feeling because he is only 5 he's is learning from them that what mom says doesn't really need to be followed. and he is getting confused because he is thinking that if his own grandparents don't respect the rules then why should he.
But now things have gotten so bad ONLY at there home that they are telling me that I NEED PARENTING CLASSES. and I don't they just need to respect my decisions as his mother.
Should I just stop going there until they can respect my decisions?
I have tried talking to them and my father understands but my mother doesn't.

I was just using Candy as one example.

there was a couple of times that she wanted to cut his hair and I told her No and she did it anyways.
I was standing right there and she took the scissors and cut off a big chunk and smiled kindly saying now he does need a hair cut.

There has been other things like that.

Answer 1

As hard it is for parents and grandparents they should respect your wishes and make sure this doesn't happen over at their home. I would talk to them and explain how you feel about this. You should have the respect you deserve from them and your son. If they refuse to listen then tell them you will limit the time you come over there. I'm not saying keep him away from them by a long shot, but this has to stop. Once they see you are serious about this they may back off. You could also let them take him without you for a few hours and then you go back to pick him up, this way they see him. But in no way should you have to put up with this. He is your child

Answer 2

You do not need parenting classes (she does), but you are losing control to a controlling and spoiling mother. And she IS doing the damage you say she is. You are the adult and the mother here, and if your parents cannot respect how you are raising your son, you will need to be assertive with them. I think you should stop going for awhile, tell your parents you are not happy about how things go over there and your son is impossible after the visits. Then, start visiting just a little at a time - with the understanding that your mom knows ahead of time that as soon as she starts going against your wishes or undermining your authority with your son -the visit is absolutely over and you will be leaving immediately. And then do it. She will eventually have to respect your authority over your son, or go without seeing you both. Good luck

Answer 3

Wow. tough situation. I have a similar problem, ours is 4. Gramma and Papaw both spoil him rotten and he acts the same way you describe. I think it's because he has 2 sets of rules, and it really should be the parents who decide what goes, as far as candy and things. Gramma needs to realize that she already did her part in raising you, and BACK OFF and let you be the mom. that's going to be the hard part, is to get her to realize she is no longer the ultimate authority. Keeping him from his grandparents would be hard on all concerned, but if gramma doesn't want to listen, maybe a hard lesson in reality is what she needs. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you have a little different parenting styles, but YOU are the parent now, and unless this stops, you will cut visits down to a bare minimum, then follow through if she still won't listen. Good luck, I feel for you.

Answer 4

Suspend visits indefinately with the grandparents until they can respect your wishes. Grandparents don't have much clout in these kinds of situations. Also, you need to sit down with your son, tell him what he should expect the next time he bites or kicks you, and you need to be consistent, and follow through with consequences. It will be a tough 30 days or so for you but when it's all over, your son will know the rules clearly, and you can start making decisions for your son again. Sometimes, grandparents have a way of taking liberty's that just aren't their's to take. Good luck with your son.

Answer 5

I swear you just described my relationship with the folks and my kids to a tee!!! I even had the same outcome, my dad understood but mom blew it off. I did calmly and politely explain to her that she had her turn raising me and needs to trust that I know what I am doing. I also told her that if she can't see the trouble she is causing for me at home then I would have to stop coming around untill she could promise me that she would respect my rules and wishes. I did eventually stop coming around but that lasted all of 3 weeks and she broke and said she needed to see the kids, I agreed once she made me the promise. Things aren't perfect by any means at this point but its been a year and they are SOOO much better. Good luck

Answer 6

First of all as a parent and grandparent I understand what you are saying and to be honest I would say that your mother dosen't do things to do against you or your wishes but rather she does them from love for the child. You see when you are a grandparent you have a totaly different outlook on what is important to you and your loved ones. That insight comes with age and experience and you see your mistakes that you made in raising your own as you will see later in life as well. When you are raising your own things are so hectic with making ends meet and all that you tend to focus on what task you have at hand and the children seem to create an additional burden to the tasks at hand therefore increasing your stress levels. You then try to find an alternate route to reduce the daily stress and curtailing the kids activity is one that is often taken to ease the load. I will agree that parenting is not easy by any means but life is too short to let yourself be consumed by doing it your way or no way, you may be mistaken. Since they are suggesting Parenting classes to you obviously they think you may be being too harsh with your rules or just not letting the child be a child. They are that way for a very short time....embrace the livelyness and use it in a positive way. It is confusing to the child to have different rules at different places so I would advise you to sit down with mom & dad and get a workable plan togather between you that both are in agreement with and work in that way. I am sure they mean no harm and you will see that later in life. LOVE will conquer all your problems so try to see it from their side too.........

..BEST OF LUCK

Answer 7

First, tell your mom please limit the candy. However, you need to lighten up a little. kids always get a bit of candy or granmas homemade cookie or applie pie when they visit grandma. It is a way for them to establish traditions between the two of them. Lighten up. You are making your son the middle of a battle of wills between you and your mother. It sounds like you have been waiting a long time to finally be the boss and because "you own" your son and tell him waht to do, you are using that whip to battle your mother. You will never "beat" your mother in her house. Quit trying. This has less to do with your son and more to do wth the adult / child relationship with your mother and you.

Ignore their discussion of parenting classes if they truly dont apply to you. Of course all yyoung parents can use a tip or two. But simply say thats not necessary and let that be the end of discussion. But for goodness sakes, quit trying to compete with your mother!

Answer 8

Take your son to see his grandparents. However, lay down some ground rules:
1. If I say no candy and you accept some, we're leaving.
2. If you hit, bite, kick or yell at me, we're leaving and you will receive a timeout once we arrive home.
Say it, mean it, and DO it immediately; even if you have to drag him kicking and screaming out of the house. Your son is the only person you can raise. Your mother and father are grown.

Answer 9

Then dont take him over there anymore. It will seem like a punishment to him if they are his favorite people and since he is five he will understand why he isnt allowed over there if he is acting like a brat, so use grandparents house as a reward as soon as he starts acting up go home and tell him he cant go over there till he can listen to you andtell the gparents the same thing that he isnt allowed over there till they listen and respect your rules too. I know exactly how you feel my mom does it too, but she isnt so bad now because I have had to talk to her many many times so the first time usually doesnt work but she eventually caught on.

Answer 10

Calmly explain the rules to your Mom. Then calmly tell her that if she can't follow the rules, you won't be visiting for a while. Your son is the one who really pays the price for her ignoring you, because he is the one who suffers the consequences of bad behavior. If your Mom won't listen to you, stay away. She'll get the message.