how to make the hurting stop?

Question

My mom just died on 2-22-07 after surving five years with a brain toumor. she was the back bone to the family of my dad sister and grand kids.my mom never complined during surgey radiation treatment and just liveing with this. she was the one after here surgery told me not to drive home fast and becareful, that was my mom. in the last few days her and my dad where sitting on the couch when my dad started to cry. My mom said she was sorry for haveing a toumor and putting him through that. how do you cope with losing the woman that was there for everyone and never asked for anything.

Answer 1

Oh my dear I am so very sorry to hear that. This is going to so lame. Time and time alone is the only thing that will ease the pain. You will never really get over it but it will ease up, just hang in there and know that she would want you to move on with your life. From your description of her she was a very, very loving woman and she wouldnt want your family to stop living. Like I said this is a lame answer but an honest one. Time heals. God bless you.

Answer 2

I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I am not sure about how to cope. My mother is my best friend. She is fighting a rare disease of lukemia. Knowing that we are going to lose her within the next 2-6 years is hard. You can never prepare yourself for the loss of a loved one, especially your mother or father. There is no greater bond between a mother and child or grandmother and grandchild. You could talk to support groups that understand what you are dealing with and they may be able to give you advise on how to cope better. Confide in a friend or loved one. Maybe seek some therapy from a professional. It is true that time will heal all wounds. Your wound is still very fresh. Try to focus on the good of your mother and not what she was going through. Try to relish on the good memories. When times get tough, which they will, emotionally. Do not shut out your family and friends and do not become withdrawn. My husband is my other best friend. I confide in him alot. Although, when I'm having a rough day about my mom, or when we hear she has advanced to the next stage, he doesn't know what to say. But, just being able to talk to someone does help. Again, I am very sorry to hear of your pain. Try to keep up your spirits and time will heal and ease things.

Answer 3

That will be tough. My mother was the same and she died 9-28-89. My 4 siblings and I have never been the same. The grief has affected every area of my life and to this day I can think of her and cry. There will be times when noone will understand exactly how meaningful she was to you and your family. There was nothing I hated more than when people told me: "This too will pass" (as if her life, legacy and memory were fleeting), or when they said "Time will heal all wounds" (No, some wounds are too deep and you need more than time to heal them.

Here are my suggestions to you:

1. Honor her memory by taking care of yourself, your sister and father. This is what she would have done
2. Continue her legacy as the caregiver, no matter how hard it is initially to think outside yourself.
3. Reminisce about her often with your father, sister and kids. The worst thing is feeling like their is noone you can talk to that understands your grief.
4. Get grief counseling. This is very important. Some major life events require help processing and this is definitely one of them.
5. Remember the good times with your kids. They are hurting too. Even that is a blessing. My kids either never knew or dont remember their grandmother. If she impacted your childrens lives, thank God for that.

Your mother has set a beautiful example for you. You should be proud of her and thank God He allowed her in your lives. Talk about her, thinks about her, share each others pain, and be the person she taight you to be by example.

Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

Oh I feel so bad for you. I know you might not believe me, but I understand your loss. I too lost my mother. My mother died in June 2005, but I still love and miss her very much. She didn't have cancer, but she did have a progressive disease and she suffered terribly before she died. My father died 8 months before she did. Much as I love and miss my dad, there is just something about a mother's love that makes it so hard when they die.

I want you to know that I understand the pain of losing a mother. It hurts terribly. We all handle grief in our own way. It is almost 2 years since my own mother died and I still have painful grief at times. May I suggest a website that can offer healing and comfort and support for what you are going through? I saw it mentioned on Dear Abby or Annie's Mailbox (I forgot which one suggested it). Anyway, it is called MotherlessMothers.com.

It is a website dedicated to helping women, girls and teens who have lost a mother for whatever reason and in various stages of a person's life. It provides a safe forum to communicate with others & to receive encouragement & support from others who have been through the same thing or are experiencing the same thing. While it is geared for women and girls, I believe men and boys could find it helpful as well. You might even be able to ask anyone if they are aware of websites for guys going through this. Whether you try this website or not, just please know that I care about you even though I don't know you, and I am truly sorry to hear that your mother has died. You have my heartfelt and sincere sympathy.

Answer 5

It's trite to say it but it will get better with time. It's hard for me to answer this (I was just going to leave a star) since I've been in your position way too many times. I'm a widower and my two kids are also gone. How do you cope? Hmm, just keep on living and getting the things done that need doing, you won't *feel* like you're handling things but you will. As time passes it just gets easier to get things done and voila, one day you realize you've made it past the worst of the hurt.

The pain and void don't ever really go away, you just realize that you're doing ok. You won't enjoy the process but you'll come out of it stronger.

Answer 6

I am terribly sorry that your mother died. When my sister was in treatment for brain cancer it was hard too. I think, when someone dies, it is best to keep in mind that they are in a seriously better place. I am catholic, so I'm kinda religious and I believe that the wonderful person you described your mother as is definitely in heaven. Just imagine, a place where you get everything you want, and most importantly for a person who went through a lifetime of pain for her tumor, there is no pain. She has no reason to be sad except for how much pain her death caused you. If you talk to her, she will listen. Thinking of these things make someone's death so much easier, even though death is one of the hardest things to deal with. Just to let you know, grieving is completely normal, it takes more than 2 days to get over something this tragic.

You'll get through this =)

Answer 7

I don't know if you will ever fully get over losing your mom she is the one that gave you live.I lost my mom when I was 3 so I never really new her but there is still a empty spot in my heart for her 15 years later.I know what you thinking she doesn't know what it feels like she was only 3. but I ALSO lost a woman very close to me my aunt Mary 0n 12-17-06 she also the glue of are family she was 43yr old .I thought I would never be able to continue on with my life, the plane has slowly went and is going away . yell be fine in time.If this helps YOU MOM IS WATCHING OVER YOUR FAMILY.

Answer 8

I'm really sorry for your loss...I know it's hard coping but i know this may sound cliche but do you want your mom to be sad just by looking at you at right now...she would really want you to be happy though it may take some time but sooner or later you have to move on because we all are coming to that in the end it's just a matter of time on who goes first...you should be happy because she will not be suffering anymore, and you have to remember that life is beautiful in anyway or another...the way i picture it you're mom really live a life to the fullest...she had accomplish her ultimate goal...you still have your father he needs your strength be strong...and pray he will help ease your burden...

Answer 9

oh I am so sorry for your loss, this too will pass. again some day you will smile, as she would want you to do.
for now, think of her and all the nice things she said and did, its ok to be sad, mabey look at old photos, and her things.
wear something of hers when you go to bed, like her nightie, if it makes you feel better.
always remember she loved you all very much, as time goes by, this awful pain you feel will ease up. Also write her a poem, and you can read it from time to time. On that same day many many other nice moms died, you are not alone.

Answer 10

You have a beautiful funeral for the woman. And then one day you say that you are sorry for all that has happend and you know what happened was unfair. It is ok to cry. Just make sure that you have many good nice trustworthy people to support you during this time. Remember she loves all of you and is looking down on you now. Make sure to be a good person like she was and all will be ok. Time will heal your pain. If you need a shoulder to lean on i am deadly_nightshade5 on yahoo messenger add me if needed.