why do some people not care about their family?

Question

ive just found my sister after 6 years, and shes just told me that our grandad died in november. nobody even contacted us to let us know, it really hurts that they didnt even bother. they know my mums address, shes lived there nearly 10 years. i just dont understand how some people can care so little about their own family? i couldnt even imagine losing contact with my son, why would you even do that???

thankyou for your nice answers. i have never done anything to hurt them, i was just a child of 11 when we lost contact, mainly due to my so called father who left my mother in the lurch, thankfully i now have a wonderful stepfather. i am one of 7 children, we are all really close. the sister im talking about here is actually my half sister on my fathers side, thats why we lost touch.

chris w, i know you meant no offence and, thankyou for your comment but i was only 11, and in my whole life i have only seen my grandparents a handful of times. i grew up thinking they didnt care and i believe this still. my other nan has been there for me 100%, through illness and bad times.

'away with the fairies' no my father does not care, but my mother does very much. she has brought us up fantastically, she has tried contacting them before but they didnt want to know. as for asking on here, sometimes it is good to speak to people that are not connected to you in anyway.

Answer 1

Oh hon,

I wonder this all the time.
Every guy who comes up to me (Im not single) and tries to hook up with me and says.. I have kids that I dont live with.. I think OMG what a looser..
Family is the MOST important thing to me in the entire world. When someone doesnt let me know about a wedding or the birth of a baby or anything that involves family it saddens me but I cannot make anyone be a family person. Stick to your values. We are a rare dying breed.

Answer 2

I honestly think that the only people who can directly and truthfully answer this question are your relatives/family themselves.

Have you actually asked your sister the very same question?

We can only half-guess and surmise which could even muddle up the situation and give you false ideas.

Relationships are always difficult. And because you didn't have a regular and direct communication with your family, things can be really hard to understand.

They probably thought that you wouldn't be interested as you grew up not really knowing him anyway. I'm sure you also had relatives that bad-mouthed you or your mum and gave different colours to the kind of relationship your parents had.

This is a two - way thing. Before you give up hope and feel really bad about the whole situation, try and find out their rationale for not involving you and your mum in this occasion. I'm sure they have reasons.

Try and get yourself back into the family. Try and meet up with your half sister and engage in a meaningful and diplomatic dialogue. Let her know how you felt but try not to let your emotions rule the conversation.

I'm sure that there would be hurtful and untruthful words that will be exchanged, but I am also certain that you'll understand each other better towards the end.

Also, remember that people have different ways in showing (or not) how they feel towards other people.

We learn from our past. I'm sure that conscious or unconsciously, one of the main reasons why you mentioned that you couldn't imagine losing contact with your son in this piece was because you were really hurt from your experiences as a child.

Losing contact with family, friends, separation of parents affect children more than people ever imagine.


Good luck.

Answer 3

I think you have largely answered your own question. You haven't been in touch with your sister for 6 years and obviously haven't been close to your grandad, as you were not aware he died 3-4 months ago. It very much sounds like you have been the one who has been out of touch, not everyone else.

I don't mean to be rude but keeping in touch with family is the responsibility of all family members, not selected individuals.

To answer your question more broadly, family relationships are just like any others - some people get on well and others less so. The old thing about blood being thicker than water only ever seems to come to the fore in a crisis, otherwise it's very much a case of people making a personal connection. For yet other people, they just don't feel a need to stay close to other family members. For myself, I am from the UK but have lived in various parts of the world for the last 10 years (currently USA). I haven't seen either of my brothers for more than 2 years but, when we do get together, it's like we all saw each other yestareday - we don't miss a beat.

People are just different and relate to each other differently and that goes for family as well as others.

Answer 4

Perhaps this was money orientated. They maybe thought your parents were entitled to something. You know when people die the vultures set in. This has happened in my own family with my own son. He is having his grandad go to live with him now my mum has died. My parents have lived with me for 17 years - I haven't taken anything from them. My own son(32) has pursuaded my dad (92) to go and live with him as he's buying a new house and needs help with the mortgage. He's never bothered with them for years now he's my dad's best friend. This has caused endless arguments and hurt but there's no fool like an old fool. People don't care.Family are worst.

Answer 5

Before you go around condemning people for not being so family oriented you should get to know them and find out why it doesnt matter to them. You dont know what theyve been through. Not everyone has a great family life. You just happen to be lucky you have a great mother and stepfather.
Everything isnt about you. So instead of asking strangers why they didnt contact you, ask the family members who didnt.

Answer 6

Your situation is very tricky and it saddens me.You are a very caring and sensitive person who got caught up in everybody else's problems and you did not deserve this.There is no excuse for not letting you know that your grandad died and i do not think that i can really know what you are going through until i am in your shoes but take heart in the fact that he is resting peacefully and watching and guiding your every move as my grandparents and parents are doing mine.

xx

Answer 7

It's a two-way street. This is a conversation you should be having with your parents ... sounds like they didn't care much either ...

Edit: I'm sure your mother is a great parent to you (but what about her daughter /your sister you've been out of touch with for 6 years?) but she doesn't sound like much of a daughter. How the hell did she lose touch with her own parents (and her other daughter for that matter)? You're only giving us half the story here ...

Answer 8

I'm very familiar with this and all I can tell you is that some relatives are coldhearted!! They could be envious or mad at something that happen in the past. I have family members that know where I live but since I have nothing to offer them I pretty much don't exist. Is hard to except this but I rather be with people that truly care about me than waste my time with relative that don't care in world if you live or die. Your family can be your friends, the ones that stick by you in bad times and good.

Answer 9

when my dad was really ill in hospital,my mum,sister,brother and myself were at his bedside,he didnt want his family, brothers,sister there,not even his mam,that was because he had to leave the family buissness,his work kept the company from closing,he got paid a small wage when they were paying their morgage,but as he was in poor health he left sadly not long after my dad died,we talked mum round to let them say good bye,after the funeral they haven't even bothered,i tried to contact some,they don't want to know,i think they have no concience

Answer 10

I would like to apologise for the guy above me a few posts. I cannot understand people that are so insensitive.

Take care, I feel you, I have the same problem. Sometimes your relatives are your enemies even, so count your blessings that it is not that case. ( hope not )