Does holding your baby every time that he cries spoil him?

Question

Every time that my son begins to cry I cradle and cuddle him until he calms down and the I return him to whatever it was he was doing. I'm starting to notice the cries are coming more often just so that he can be picked up. Everyone says i'm spoiling him and no one is going to want to keep him when I return to work. However, I feel like if it's a problem that he's having that I can fix, I should fix it. In my opinion, all new babys should be treated that way. My son is 2 months old.

Answer 1

Well, I don't feel like quoting any of the recognized experts out there, I'll just tell you my experience.

Six babies, held when they wanted held, nursed when they wanted to be nursed (whether for hunger or comfort), rocked/sung/walked/etc. to sleep and held too until they were deep enough asleep to lay down.

And now I have six horrible, spoiled, self-centered MONSTERS! No, not really. ;) I have six independent, confident, affectionate, kind, empathetic children from almost 14 y/o down to almost 3. They're not perfect, but they're pretty close. :) Not that I'm biased, or anything. ;)

Babies are needy. They need EVERYTHING from us for the first 2-3 years of their lives; food, warmth, comfort, dressing/diapering, ATTENTION and closeness... they don't provide these things for themselves, no matter how hard you try to "teach" them. Self-soothing is a joke-- a child who learns not to cry any more hasn't learned to soothe itself, it has learned that its only method of communication-- crying-- is hopeless. They learn to give up. :(

Yes, if you "spoil" your baby now, you may have a clingy, needy baby/toddler for the next year or two. But when the child is ready, when the CHILD is ready, they will blossom into this magnificent new independent being. You will be amazed by your new butterfly.

If you decide to adopt this parenting philosophy, and must have your child in daycare, you can inform the staff that you expect your child's cries to be answered and not ignored. If they seem willing to accommodate you, you've probably got a pretty good facility. If they refuse and try to tell you how impossible it is to tend to all of the childrens' needs, let them know that they just lost your business, and you'll be finding a more loving environment for your child. You may also want to look into a licensed home daycare provider; this may fill your needs better, as you can interview the caregiver one-on-one and find the perfect match for your parenting practices.

Best of luck!

Answer 2

At two months I don't really think you can spoil a child but then again YOU are the parent and you have noticed that he has been crying more often then normal. If comforting him every time he cries becomes overwhelming, a change in routine, or effects you--you can and should stop. It's all about what YOU are willing to do. If you are willing to pick him up every cry then YOU can do that. Consequences aren't proven and there's no parenting manuals that you can read so do what feels right regardless of family and friends unwelcome advice. Just realize that although YOU are doing what's best for YOUR child it doesn't mean that if someone else doesn't do the same thing it doesn't make you better. Best of Luck!

Answer 3

Everybody has an opinion on this and you will get opinions from family, coworkers, perfect strangers - all throughout your baby's life - so just take everything with a grain of salt, nod and smile...lol

You absolutely cannot spoil a 2 month old baby - the only way he knows how to tell you something is wrong is by crying - and even if that means he just wants his mommy - he was with you 24/7 for 9 months - the second he pops out he's expected to be an independent child? come on now... when your child is 13 and pulling away from you to be with his friends, you will wish you had more time to snuggle with him..... He needs to nkow you are there to help him - and if you ignore him now he'll learn you don't care when he cries - when you are the one person on this earth who should care.....

Just go with your gut instincts and ignore the people who don't understand or want to run your family....

Answer 4

My wife has an 11 year old son from a previous marriage. She was 40 years old when she gave birth to him, and she knew that because of her age, that was probably going to be her last child. She spent alot of time holding, rocking, and cradling him, and said she never had a problem with him being spoiled or having trouble with other people babysitting her son. In fact, she told me a story of dropping him off for his first day at preschool when he was about 3 years old. He walked into the preschool room, looked around for a few minutes, and then said to her: I'm okay, you can leave now! He didn't even cry a single tear, but his mom sure did.

Answer 5

I have always found that to be the stupidest parenting myth. A baby can not be spoiled. A toddler, yes but not a baby. This is the time that you have to bond with your baby. If he is upset and needs you, then you should be there. There is no reason that you should teach him at this age that you are not always going to be there for him. It is not like he is sitting there thinking " I bet if I scream mom will come running". What he is learning is that you are the person who gives him comfort. The most dangerous thing to a new mom is unwanted advise. Let me ask you something. The people telling you how to be a good mother, are their kids angels? Probably not. You know in your heart what is right for you and your baby. So stick to your instincts.

Answer 6

When a baby is fussing, you can let them fuss a little bit. But if a baby is actually crying when they are that young, they need something. Is your baby crying or fussing?
If you pick them up every time they fuss, yes, that does spoil them.
I have the same problem (well, no kids, but every time I hear a baby I know fussing, I want to pick them up).
But children that young do need security and love. It's very obvious that you only want the best for your child, so until he gets a little bit older, I would continue to pick him up when he cries.

Answer 7

NO at two months.. he needs to be cuddled and picked up. There is no such thing as spoiling until they are over 1 year old. So everyone that tells you it is spoiling is wrong. Your baby needs to know he is safe and he has you everytime he needs you. All babies want security. Keep doing what you are doing and pick him up every time he wants you too... he is testing the waters and making sure you are there and he is loved.

Answer 8

At 2 months, you're not spoiling him. Here's a good tip, from my mom (wise woman with 10 grandchildren and 6 great-grandchildren!) When you're feeding him and he's just almost asleep, go ahead and lay him down so he learns right from the start to put himself to sleep. That should aleviate the "don't want to go to sleep" crying.

Also, with the first baby in a house, they're bored to tears, many times. Make sure he's got things to distract him, a brightly colored dress or towel hanging in the doorway... other attention-getting things. These things will give you just that few extra minutes to do whatever you're doing... and will teach him to just entertain himself looking around or reaching for things.

Answer 9

Hee Hee Hee! I don't think its spoiling him. I do it all the time. Lol, I am guilty as charged. I can't help it. I love him to death and I'll hold him when I want to, even if it is spoiling him. I guess he'll have to be spoiled then. I hold him when he's smiling, screaming, pooing and whenever else I can. He's the closest thing to heaven so why not hold him close? You're a good momma, do what feels right! Good luck and congrats!

Answer 10

You can't spoil a baby by cuddling. At this age, he cries to let you know something is wrong, and he needs to know that mom is there to help him feel better- you are doing the right thing!