My ex boyfriend and I dated for 4 years on and off and recently, I decided to move on. I have a new boyfriend now and in 2 weeks, I am going to visit my ex who lives in California for Spring Break. I feel like I am being a bad girlfriend to my boyfriend because my ex still has feelings for me and even sent me roses, says he loves me and such even though he knows I am happy and I have someone new that loves me. What should I do about this ex boyfriend because we are still best friends and of course we still care about each other but distance is what tore us apart... PLEASE HELP ME.... Thank you in advance!
2007-02-24 07:37:00 · 16 answers · asked by Babygurl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
My ex lives in California and I live in Florida... My ex also says that he is biexual which is a reason why I can't be with him. This new guy is the world to me and does everything he can to make me happy... I don't want to hurt him and my new boyfriend knows everything about the ex and is ok with me going. I'm not sure if he really wants me to go or if he is trying to just be supportive of me.
2007-02-24 07:47:02 · update #1
Personally, I don't think it's a good idea at all, and here's why...
1) You say your ex still has feelings for you. How could he not, after 4 years? I would assume, that you still care a lot about him as well. If you are only wanting to be friends with him, then I really feel that making the trip so soon after breaking up, would only send him mixed signals. That's not fair to either of you. It doesn't really matter how close you were/are.. it's really too soon to plan a whole week to spend together. I just think you're setting yourself up for a very awkward week.
2) You need to tell your new boyfriend about your planned trip. I can't imagine anyone being alright with the situation. That doesn't mean that he has any right to tell you not to go, but I seriously doubt he'd be alright with it, no matter what he tells you. I mean, you're going to spend a week with your ex, whom you share a considerable past with, and you are still referring to him as your "best friend". I think that you should invite your new boyfriend to go with you. I mean, if you and the ex are as close as you say, then I imagine you would want him to meet your new guy..
The way you still refer to your ex as your "best friend" in itself speaks volumes of how attached you still are, whether you realise it or not. I understand that ex's can be good friends and all, don't get me wrong.. But I think you are trying a bit too hard to stay close, since you moved on and all. There's no reason to not get along, but there's also no reason to be so close that you have to spend your spring break, with him instead of your new guy.
It's really too soon for something like that, since you guys just broke up. Give it some time..
2007-02-24 07:55:29 · answer #1 · answered by arkiegirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The two of you were in a relationship that lasted quite a long time. Many times people who date for such a long time continue to talk after their break up. It's difficult to be so close to somebody for so long and then just cut them off completely. So the fact that you still talk to your ex isn't so bad, as long as your current boyfriend knows that you still talk to him.
However I think that it's a bad idea to visit your ex if you know he still has feelings for you but you no longer care about him in the same way. Why hurt him any more. If you don't feel the same don't give him false hopes of a reconciliation. And one more thing you will most likely hook up with your ex on this visit and that would be bad, considering you will have your new guy sitting at home thinking about you.
2007-02-24 15:47:55 · answer #2 · answered by dalbana5 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well firstly...congratulations on your new boyfriend and being happy.
I believe it is not acceptable to go and spend time with your ex. Especially since he still loves you. Not only are you playing with his emotions...you are playing with your own. You are sending the ex mixed signals and it isn't fair.
You are also not being completely honest with your new boyfriend. Does he know absolutely everything? You haven't said how he feels about it. So if you keep it a secret...your intention is to be deceitful...and keep your options open..even if you tell yourself that it's above board because you are with someone new. Maybe there is a part of you that likes the extra attention...but you must let the ex go.
I doubt your new boyfriend would find it acceptable either I am guessing. It's just not okay honey.
I think it only fair to tell your ex that you won't be seeing him. What you are doing is called "playing with fire". Someone is going to get burned.
Make a wise decision that will set you up for happiness down the road.
2007-02-24 15:49:55 · answer #3 · answered by kallie m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since yall love each other so much then u shouldnt forget about it!! yea ur boyfriend now might be upset about it but please right now is he really even worth the guilt? I would jus have friends and not gain feelings for anyone else right now! Maybe wen ur ex comes back home ya'll can start off fresh put the past behind u and make a beautiful future! I would let this new boyfriend go cause 9 times out of 10 wen u go visit ur ex its gonna be somethin that u'll never 4get!! hopefully in a god way!
Jaz
2007-02-24 15:45:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How in heavens name can you go and visit your ex don't you consider your current bf feelings and if you guys broke up move on or wait until your ex finds a gf and then all four of you guys get together with no hard feelings,if not tell your current bf you still love your ex but don't string the poor guy along.
2007-02-24 15:46:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not visit you ex.I t is over.Espcially since you KNOW he likes you AND you STILL HAVE FILLINGS FOR HIM!!! You can be friends,but from a distance;And don't have too much contact with him otherwise you will fall in love again and create a mess.Unless,ofcourse,you are not really interested in you new one.If thast the case,release the new one and go back to the old.But do what guys do.Don't break up with the new one until you KNOW you will have a steady relationship waiting for you at the other end!!! : )
2007-02-24 15:47:14 · answer #6 · answered by Stacy88 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know that if you go see your ex, you'll probably wind up sleeping with him OR best case, just horribly confused.
By choosing to go see him, you're making a choice to see if there is anything left between you two that you can't let go.
You are not being fair to your new guy and you should either NOT GO or at least be honest with your new guy.
Good luck!!
2007-02-24 15:44:04 · answer #7 · answered by Caitlin M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it seems to me that u still hav feelings for him 2 n ur current bf is gonna leave u cuz men hav very strong jealousy issues so u need to pick one or the other which is gonna be a very hard descision or hav a very long talk with ur ex bout how he needs to chill with the roses and be more like a friend
2007-02-24 15:41:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really wouldnt go see your ex.. you both need to move on if your with some be with him.. not your ex.. thats when mixed feeling ocure and you dont want that to happen.. you ex still has feeling then dont get his hopes up! especially if you have a bf.
2007-02-24 15:41:59 · answer #9 · answered by Stefanie-Marie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't go to see your ex if he still has feelings for you i think you already know whats going to happen don't do something to someone that you don't want done to you
2007-02-24 15:42:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋