Is he wrong to treat my son like this????

Question

My son is 3 and I don't believe in spanking so we to the timeout thing....which works for us. But my fiance gets so angry at my son and gets in his face and SCREAMS at him!!! If my son is not answering questions properly he will flick his ear or cheek. He even used to pinch his legs if he wasn't cooperating. When I see this it enrages me and I actually go after my fiance yelling at him to leave him alone. I have even punched him in the arm because he NEVER listens to what I have to say, about his disrespect of my son. So I just want to know if him flicking my sons ear or cheek in wrong?? He does not pinch him anymore as I told him he better stop or I will leave him. So please tell me how it is....

He has never hit my son. Plus, I am not from a TRAILER PARK and never have been. I am from Southern Cali, which is not for poor people. What a immature remark.

"epiphanyofmylove".....Wow that is such a tragic story. I never considered that it could escalate into more than the flicking. It makes me really think of the situation.

Answer 1

That is called abuse. You should never allow him to treat your son in this manner. Can you imagine how your son feels when he is doing this to him? Think about it he may be a child but he is helpless and depends on you to for comfort and takung care of him. If you allow this to continue your son one day will grow up to resent you for allowing someone to mistreat him. Stand up and act like a mother and stop the abuse.

Answer 2

If your method works then there is no reason for you fiance to be flicking him and screaming him. Your son is only 3 hes not going to answer everything correct the first time, and to get into his face and scream is so wrong. You need to think about your son and his safty. I know you said your fiance has never beat him or anything, but whos not to say when your son get a little older, and does something like break something your fiance wont hit him instead of flicking him. You should sit down and have a long talk with your fiance and tell him that he needs to change. You can always find someone else to love and marry but you will never be able to replace your son if something bad happens.

Answer 3

I would actually support an outright spanking on the child's bottom before supporting this type of totally disrespectful "discipline." And I don't really believe in spanking in general! But at least a sound swat on the bottom for a misbehavior, without anger, has a decent chance of actually teaching cause and effect. The real problem here is that this man disrespects both YOU and YOUR SON. He is not the boy's father, correct? YOUR word is law when it comes to parenting, then. If he can't handle that, you should do what's best for you & your son & send this guy packing. "But I *love* him..." isn't going to be much consolation when his behavior escalates.

I suppose there's still the off-chance that he's a decent guy; if this is the case, sit down and tell him how seriously you've been thinking about this, and that this issue is SO important to you (as is he himself), that you need to resolve it NOW or you just can't stay in this relationship with him. Maybe he just needs to know that how he treats your son is *that* important to you. Ask him to take a parenting class with you, or read a book, watch a Dr. Sears interview, *anything* to show you he's willing to try to improve his parenting skills. If you get married, he WILL be your child's male role model. Is this what you want for him?

If you've already gone this far and it didn't work, RUN. Run fast, run far, run away from this guy. He is NOT going to get any better, and chances are it will only get WORSE from here on out, once you are married and he feels like you are both HIS.

Answer 4

Is your son his also?

If so you guys need to sit down and really talk about discipline because you are obviously not on the same page. You need to talk about the family both of you guys want to create. Is that idea a loving family? Chances are it is. You guys need to provide a plan to create a loving family free from flicking and yelling. Yelling goes both ways and behavior is learned. Your son will get most of his behavior cues from your fiancee so perhaps it's just breeding between the two. If your fiancee has no desire to make an effort to change you need to get out of that situation fast. Not only is your son being abused; he's also seeing you two fighting which is not a good thing. Best of luck to all of you! I hope it works out!!

Answer 5

With so many cases in the news about boyfriends harming the children of their girlfriend, I would look on this behavior as a warning. Do you really want your child to spend time with a man who would treat him this way when you are right there?

He seems like a man who does not know what to expect from a child that young. And he seems to have anger management issues.

Do you live with him? If you do, then I would think about an alternative arrangement. If this behavior of your boyfriend escalates, get out of there right away!!!!! Your son should be more important to you than your boyfriend.

Answer 6

Well what I do know is that my moms friend had a 2 year old son that she would flick in the head when he did something wrong. He died because of this from a clot in the brain. I have heard this story many times cause when my mom sees someone doing it she just blows up.

Answer 7

god this is such an ANGRY man!! your son is not answering properly so he flicks him ?! this is definitely child abuse and i cannot word this answer any better than 'laundry girl'. she has it absolutely spot on. do not let this matter go, do not wait for your opportunity to bring it up, have it out with him now. your son must be so sad and intimidated by this man, you are doing the right thing by protecting him. he only has you. you must NEVER EVER leave this child alone with this man. good luck in working this out this may be one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do but burying your son would be worse

Answer 8

THERE ARE "RED FLAGS" ALL OVER THE PLACE ON THIS ONE! PLEASE: I thnk you can get much better results with a little love instead of "flicking!" Maybe the kid needs a little love and extra attention. He certainly doesn't need the abuse! Pick your kid up and give him a hug! Don't inflict possible psychological damage on a helpless baby! The experiences of childhood sometimes have very long-term effects (and not the good kind)! Stop the screaming! Your son deserves more. I'll say a prayer for you and your son.

Answer 9

First of all if you have to ask then you know deep down it's wrong! Remember the man or men in your life who are around you son are going to be role models for him. Do you want your son to grow up and be like this. If he is willing to abuse, yes I think this is abuse, your son how long before he starts doing this to you? If he sees he can get away with it with him then why would you stop him from hurting you? I would advise getting out of this situation as soon as possible.

Answer 10

Okay if this is just your fiance and not your son's father - he should listen to you on how you want to deal with your son. He's just three, so there's no reason for your fiance to scream at him.

I have a friend who's mom has a fiance, and he doesn't even so much as tell my friend what to do. Because his mom never gave him permission to.

If you tell him to stop treating your son that way, and he doesn't, you should just kick him out or leave him.

Answer 11

You are the parent. If you have asked this man to stop abusing your son (emotional abuse is abuse too by the way), and he persists that obviously he has no respect for you or your child. You need to get out of that relationship and fast. If he doesn't listen to your wishes now, what will happen when you get married and he is the child's step father. Also what does the biological father have to say about this behavior. I know if it were my husband he would be pissed.