What Would You Do To Help Her? Is Mom Right....Should She Say Something Or Just Keep Out Of It?

Question

One of my friends and a friend of our family, has one child that's four, and just had a new baby a couple of months ago. She is fairly young (just turned 21), and lives with her mom along with the two kids. The fathers of the children are in their lives thankfully and help her to take care of them. For awhile, she was holding down a job but lately that is not the case. Now she doesn't go to work, sleeps all day, and there is speculation among my friends and family that she might possibly be pregnant again. She revealed to my mom that she hasn't been to work in weeks and is on the verge of being fired. She drops her kids off with friends and family so that she can sleep during the day. This wouldn't be so much of a problem if she wasn't turning around to party at night. While my friend is out with her friends at night and on the weekends, her mom is at home with her kids at night. While taking care of the four year old at night isn’t much work, taking care of the four month old

definitely is, because the baby is at the age where she still gets up throughout the night. This is not easy on her mom, who is an older lady (almost 60), and still works a full time job during the day. Everyone is beginning to get fed up with her behavior. Since she’s a friend to me, & my family and I have always helped her out with her kids since the oldest was born, my mom wants to say something to her about all this. I told my mom that I don’t think she should because she doesn’t want to make her hostile and upset. I love those kids, and would hate for the relationship to be ruined between us all, and not get to see them anymore. What do you think? Should someone say something to her in this situation, or just let her realize the error of her ways on her own?

Answer 1

Sadly I think that your friend sounds like she has several factors of depression. Maybe she feels overwhelmed with having children so young and acting out and premisicous behaviour is her way of trying to control her life. Sadly for the kids their mother is not there for them during the day when they are growing and learning. I don't think that it's your mums place to say anything directly to the girl but maybe she could subtly have a word to her mother.

I think your friend feels very isolated as most 21 year olds are out partying at night and she is overwhelmed with the responsibilty of having children. Maybe you could suggest doing something with her and her kids during the day or even at night.

Answer 2

I had my first son at 20. His father walked out 6 mos after he was born and i went through hell! I now realize MY behavior did not help the situation but I started parting all the time. Drinking, drugs and all the joys of being 21. You, your mom, her boss, her friends, the kids dads- anyone of you can say whatever you like til your blue in the face but she is gonna do what she wants to do regardless if its the best situation or not. I personally really wish i would have woke up sooner and realized the stress i put on my son.
Don't condone what she does but at the same time don't tell her how to manage her life. I would try to find out what she is feeling and why she is doin what she is doin. We all know when you feel backed against a wall you don't want to talk- we get offensive. Be a friend.

Answer 3

Yes - her mother should put her foot down. She is the one getting dumped with more than her fair share of responsibility. Being a good mom is not just about being there for your kid its also about teaching boundaries and limits, things a 21 year old should already know!
She sounds immature and irresponsible, as if she is still going through her acting out phase - looks like she wasnt ready to be a mom, but she IS, so she better act like one.

I feel so sorry for the poor grandmom.

Answer 4

If she is partying all night and sleeps all day she is probably doing drugs...partying w/o them doesn't make you want to sleep all day. If I were her mom I would tell her to shape up or I will take the kids while she figures out her life and she can take me to court if she disagrees. The kids have to be put first, even if its hard or hurts. They shouldn't have to feel the stress of their mom not being ready for motherhood. Once you have kids its all about whats best for them.

Answer 5

I have been threw this........Had a friend that was like this...

Tell her to get off her lazy worthless *** and stop using her mother and go to work. She should be supporting those kids at least 50%. That is her responsibility . It is not the father place to give her 50% to, or her mothers, or the government.. ITS HERS she had them she needs to be an adult and support them. Or the father needs drag her *** to court and take the kids from her.

I testified for the father and he has the kids and takes darn good care of them.

Answer 6

Her mother should tell her to pack her things and leave with the children. It may sound cruel but your friend has no business going out and partying all night only to sleep all day and expect someone else to take care of HER children. She CHOSE to give up her socializing the first time she spread her legs and CHOSE to have sex. Her mother doesn't have to put up with her crap and neither do her friends.

Answer 7

it sounds like your friend is suffering from postnatal depression.you need to talk to her about it or get in touch with the health visitors.the health visitors are very good at what they do and there is no chance of them taking the children away or judging your friend.they are there to help and there is medication that will sort it all out.this is a very normal thing to happen to woman but can become dangerous if left untreated so you need to act as soon as you can..take good care of her.

Answer 8

It's more important to help that child, and by doing that, you will be helping her. Do the right thing already. Pick up your phone and call your local child protective services.

Answer 9

Your freind needs to be checked out by a doc. She could be clinically depressed - or on drugs.