Have three kids, son 14, two daughters 17 and 20, eldest is off at college.
My second daughter expressed that she wanted to explore living with her dad more. After many months of discussion I agreed...so her and her brother moved to go live with their dad more this past December. They are about 30 min. away ~ no school change. I'm feel right about the choice / decision...yet I miss them much as I don't see them as often. I used to have 80% custody. Was important to me to keep siblings together...so they both went...Son is fine with me...yet he's also fine with being with his dad and sis.
I'm doing fine with all...learning this new lifestyle of living on my own more...never experienced this before they moved out. I'm (joyfully so) 50, was married 23 yrs., peacefully divorced 4 yrs.
A friend said yesterday..." It's not like they died...they just moved away ". Teens can drive a parent ' bonkers '...yet they are who they are and you raise them. Why does this hurt so much ?
2007-02-24 04:45:05 · 13 answers · asked by onelight 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
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Appreciate all replies here...Thank you.
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2007-02-26 14:31:11 · update #1
Awww, I feel for you. What you did, letting the both of them go so you could keep the siblings together, well you are just wonderful. Isnt that what mothers do best? Sacrifice for the children?
No your kids didnt die, but the life you once knew did. Changes are so hard and I cant imagine how hard this change would be for me.
If I were watching a movie and saw the mother do for her children what you did for yours I would think she was a heroine! Dont you wish that every good thing we did meant that we wouldnt have to feel pain because of it? That would be fair.
Do you get to spend much time with them during the week or weekend? I sure hope so. That will help. To me it sounds like when this new life becomes a pattern you will adjust to it. Stay busy and happy. Yeah right huh? Exercise too, that always helps with those happy endorphins.
Be strong, you sound so wonderful. If only every kids mother loved their children as much as you love yours.....
Oh yeah, dont forget to pray for yourself! YOU COUNT!
2007-02-24 04:56:36 · answer #1 · answered by My_Two_Centz 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Girl, God is good, all the time. You are still young and a lot of life to live, you have been a Mother for 20 years, put your feet up and rest a while. I recently entered the "empty nest syndrome zone", it was weird at first, but I have learned so much about myself by being by myself. I learned that whenever a situation arouse, no matter what the situation, I was the one to take over and make it right, now it is so nice to let other take the wheel, (even though they half a$$ do it and I have to redo it, but that is what being a Mother is all about). Take some classes, do something you always wanted to do, the new 50 is the old 35, girl go do it. Dating again might be interesting, you did not say you were doing that. The kids are fine, and will be fine, and should they need you, they know where you are and how to reach you. Also what is the saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder", this applies to our children as well, the 30 minutes away doesn't compare to my girlfriend's situation where she has two sons in Iraq, you are blessed. Enjoy - God Bless.
2007-03-03 21:31:04 · answer #2 · answered by Bethy4 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ugh. I'm 50. Married 23 years. My children were forced to move 3000 miles away due to immigration issues once they turned 21. Your friend's advice is thoughtless. I talk to my children everyday. On MSM and I have a cheap phone plan. Get web cams for all of you. I would die without my dogs. Work out. Exercise hard. Get in the best shape of your life. Essential oils (international.com. "Lao Tsu) vibrational oils and aromatherapy really helped me. As did St. John's Wort, Valerian root and 5-htp. Get "the Secret" DVD.
2007-03-04 00:55:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i cant say that that i haven't lost anyone in my life., so trust me when i tell you that it could be a whole lot worse then it is now. If you feel bad its only because you love them SO much, so take some love in your feelings even if it doesn't seem like you should. It take a great mother to do great things, and letting you kids experience other ways of life isn't going to make them love you any less... its going to make the respect you Greatly.
I wish my mother asked let me do that when i was younger. But even though she didn't, I love her none the less.
2007-03-03 00:07:38 · answer #4 · answered by Weirdo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It hurts so much because it's been your responsibility to see to their every need. When you invest that much of yourself in something is hurts when their gone. It's normal. Go ahead and have those feelings. Take this time to explore your new life without them. You can do anything you want for yourself. In time the pain will lesson and become dull. Be good to yourself now, you deserve it. Big Hug
2007-02-24 05:06:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your second oldest is a young woman and probably will be 18 very soon, custody etc. is a mute point as far as she is concerned. But who knows what your son may decide once it is just him involved to either stay with his dad or come back to you. But it must be his decision to make at his age.
2007-02-24 05:28:16 · answer #6 · answered by badmikey4 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's because you raised them. You had 80 percent custody before. Just make your time when you do have them, very fun and enjoyable. Make sure they know how much you love them. They may end up coming back to you again. I've heard of this a lot. I can't imagine that. Keep busy and before you know it they'll be back at your house again!
2007-02-24 05:01:37 · answer #7 · answered by Brown-eyed girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the good thing about this move ? is that you know your ex will take good care of the children .think of how he felt when he left without them ? he must have hurt alot as well ...all this time the kids were with you .and what about his feelings ?
i think it is a positive move for all of you , and besides ? they are not that far .......:-)
now it is time to sort of look out for yourself and do something you did not have time to do for you :-)
it should be a bit lonesome at first but not hurt you forever either .........you will be okay ............smile :-)
get involved in anything you wish .....and ? it may be time to go out a bit ? :-)
2007-03-04 04:08:26 · answer #8 · answered by HJW 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-12-04 21:33:50 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it hurts because you're a human being with emotions...and you are their mommy and you miss them..just take it one day at a time..call them when you need to and find things to keep yourself busy..what you're feeling isn't a problem at all, I think it's very sweet..I would feel very happy and loved if my mom missed me so much...It would be a problem though if you didn't feel anything at all......this is a new beginning for you..live it up but just don't go too crazy...take care
2007-03-03 10:16:17 · answer #10 · answered by lata 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋