My son has a major case of seperation anxiety. What can I do to help him?

Question

If we're in the grocery store, and I go into the next aisle while he and his father are in the last one, he freaks out. It's bad. What can I do?

Answer 1

Your son needs to spend more time with other people. Obviously you are the #1 caretaker and he is used to you always being there with him. Have dad take him places without you. He'll need to make it fun to ward the anxiety. He sounds young, so over time this behavior should stop. He'll need more socializing with others. You don't want to go through this everyday when he starts school do you? Take it slow, a little at a time and soon he won't even notice you have gone but don't stay away too long or he'll stress that you aren't coming back. It's his way of telling you that he loves and needs you and this is the only way right now that he knows how to show it.

Answer 2

It depends on how old your son is and your family situation. There are a few ages when this is perfectly normal.

As well if there has been a change in the family such as recent arguments/tenssion, or someone starting a new job this could be added cause.

I thinkt he best thing to would be to let him know you are there for him. Give him attention during the day (at least a few hours of play time together)


When you get into situation such as the groccery store where you are not that far away be sure to have the father pick him up and comfort him and gently explain to him where you are "moms still here just just around the corner/in the other room" but not bring your son to you. At that point you should call out to him "I'm just over here honey, I will be there as soon as I get this item."
So he gets to know that you don't have to be infront of him to be around him.
Return when you are finished what you are doing or in a few minutes to check on him, then return to what you are doing.

Also keep in mind studies show that babies who are given a lot of reassurance in situations liek this when they are younger are more seure and have higher self-esteem when they are older. They don't have to worry about wondering whether you will be there when they need you because they will have already learned that you will be there so they won't feel the need to be looking over their shoulder, per say, to see if you are gone.

Answer 3

with time he will realize tha tyou will be coming back and it will get alot easier. My son went through this really bad, but he has gotten better. I never thought it would improve though, it lingered on for about 3 months, but felt like YEARS.

Answer 4

Unfortunately, teary and tantrum-filled goodbyes are a very common part of a child's earliest years. Around the first birthday, it is common for kids to develop separation anxiety, getting upset when a parent tries to leave them with someone else. Though separation anxiety is a perfectly normal part of childhood development, it can be unsettling. Understanding what your child is going through and having a few coping strategies in mind can go a long way toward helping both of you get through it.

The timing of separation anxiety can vary widely from child to child. Some kids may experience it later, between 18 months and 2-1/2 years of age. Some may never experience it. And for others, there are certain life stresses that can trigger feelings of anxiety about being separated from a parent: a new child care situation or caregiver, a new sibling, moving to a new place, or tension at home.

How long does separation anxiety last? It varies from child to child. And it also depends on the child and how the parent responds. In some cases, depending on a child's temperament, separation anxiety can be persistent from infancy and last through the elementary school years. In cases where the separation anxiety interferes with an older child's normal activities, it can be the sign of a deeper anxiety disorder. In cases where the separation anxiety appears out of the blue in an older child, it can be an indication of another problem that the child may be dealing with, like bullying or abuse.

Keep in mind that separation anxiety is usually different from the normal feelings an older child has when he or she doesn't want a parent to leave. In those cases, the distress can usually be overcome if the child is distracted enough, and those feelings will not re-emerge until the parent returns and the child remembers that the parent left.

And your child does understand the effect his or her behavior has on you. If you come running back into the room every time your child cries and then stay with your child longer or cancel your plans completely, your child will continue to use this strategy to avoid separation.

Try to keep in mind that your child's unwillingness to leave you is a good sign that healthy attachments have developed between the two of you. Eventually your child will be able to remember that you always return after you leave, and these memories will be enough to comfort him or her while you are gone. This also gives your child a chance to develop his or her own coping skills and a little independence.
There are a number of strategies you can use to help ease your child (and yourself) through this difficult period.

Timing is everything. Try not to start day care or child care with an unfamiliar person between the ages of 8 months and 1 year, when separation anxiety is first likely to present itself. Also, try not to leave your child when he or she is likely to be tired, hungry, or restless. If at all possible, schedule your departures for after naps and mealtimes.

Practice. Practice being apart from each other, and introduce new people and places gradually. If you're planning to leave your child with a relative or a new babysitter, then invite that person over in advance so they can spend time together while you're in the room. If your child is starting at a new day care center or preschool, make a few visits there together before a full-time schedule begins. Practice leaving your child with a caregiver for short periods of time so that he or she can get used to being away from you.

Be calm and consistent. Create a goodbye ritual during which you say a pleasant, loving, and firm goodbye. Stay calm and show confidence in your child. Reassure him or her that you'll be back - and explain how long it will be until you return using concepts your child will understand (such as after lunch) because your child can't yet understand time. Give him or her your full attention when you say goodbye, and when you say you're leaving, mean it; coming back will only make things worse.

Follow through on promises. It's important to make sure that you return when you have promised to return. This is critical, and there can be no exceptions. This is the only way your child will develop the confidence that he or she can make it through this time.
As hard as it may be to leave your child while he or she is screaming and crying for you, it's important to have confidence that the caregiver can handle it. It may help both of you if you set up a time that you will call to check in with the caregiver, maybe 15 to 20 minutes after you leave. By that time, most kids have calmed down are playing with other things. Don't let yourself give in early and call sooner!

If you are caring for another person's child, and that child is experiencing separation anxiety, it's a good idea to try to distract the child with another activity or toy, by being outside, or with songs, games, or anything else that works. You may have to keep trying to distract the child over and over until something just clicks with the child.

Also, it's a good idea not to mention the child's mother or father, but do answer the child's questions about his or her parents in a simple and straightforward way. You might say: "Mommy and Daddy are going to be back as soon as they are done dinner. Let's play with some toys!"

It's Only Temporary
Try to keep sight of the fact that this phase, like many others, will pass. If your child has never been cared for by anyone but you, is naturally shy, or has other stresses, such as a new sibling or a health condition, then it may be worse than it is for other kids. Most kids eventually outgrow it.

At the same time, you should trust your instincts. If your child refuses to go to a certain babysitter or day care center or shows other signs of tensions, such as trouble sleeping or loss of appetite, then there could be a problem with the child care situation.

If intense separation anxiety lasts into preschool, elementary school, or beyond and interferes with your daily activities, it's a good idea to discuss this with your child's doctor. It may be a sign of a more rare but more serious condition known as separation anxiety disorder.

Answer 5

Depends on his age. Some kids go through it natually. I would check out babycenter.com to see if you can find a way to ease his mind (assuming he is over 3)

Hope this helps!

Answer 6

Be firm and strong, don't comfort them when they behave badly or it will NEVER stop. Don't smother them.

Answer 7

you should leave him alone.