This is killing me inside...please help me!?

Question

This is kind of a long story. But please listen and give me some advice.

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 16 months, and have been happy as two larks! I've never even thought of anybody else, and the idea of cheating has not once crossed my mind.

Over the summer, I met one of my guy's close friends, who goes to a different school. I thought nothing of this guy, but I saw him again at a school b-ball game and then again on the Super Bowl at my boyfriend's house, and always see him when I visit my guy. It's been scaring me, I like him more every time I see him, and go back and forth between him and by b/f.

Then there's a guy friend. We're just friends, but I can see us being more than that.

I know the right thing to do is to break up with my guy and think about this, but I'm afraid that he won't want me back if I decide it's him I want. I know it's wrong, but I want to stay with him because he's such a good boyfriend. What am I supposed to do? <3

I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND VERY MUCH!!! <3

Oh, and another thing. We've "done some stuff" and I'm afraid if I end it things will be disastrously awkward between us or he'll tell the world about it.<3

Answer 1

Hi Lady,
You have an interesting "dilemma" going. This is what I can gather from what you posted, AND, my opinion..........
Being that you're attracted to other guys shows you are NOT ready to "settle" down. If you are serious with your bf, you do need to tell him that you want to date, bcuz if HE is serious about you, he'll only get hurt in the future if you continue to go "back and forth", see what I'm saying?

You don't want to "stay with him" out of being nice, if that's what you're doing. If you care about him but there aren't any "sparks" for him on your part, you need to let him go! Maybe you should both "see" other people and later, who knows if you were meant to be together, you will be together. Right now I can see it that you definately aren't ready to be in a serious relationship and you should "listen" to your "inner" voice on this!

Actually you need this time in your life to someday find your TRUE LOVE, if you would like to get married in the future, and that's why there is dating, so you can be around different guys and you can find your "match" that way and it's the way to find out who you're more compatible with.

Also, what I wanted to add is, try not to think ahead as you are doing when you posted about being afraid your bf won't want you back!
For all you know, maybe he'd like to date other girls, but you won't know until you talk to him and it is the right thing to do before you get into a relationship with someone else. Talk to him, and don't let this situation kill you inside! You will feel better once you get things out in the open, you really will!

It's kind that you're putting your feelings aside and consider that your "guy" is a good bf, BUT, you have to be happy too and YOU really come first! The 2 of you can be good friends, still, which is a positive outcome, bcuz when you are friends first, it's a "foundation" and real love CAN come from that. You both just need to meet other people and enjoy new friendships, etc.

Anyway, I hope you both can reach an understanding on your lives. My best to you.

The reason I can be open to this is because I'm almost 50 yrs. old and I, in my teens tried too hard to find "Mr. Right" instead of just having friends. I ended up making too many expectations for myself and "others" and I wasn't "grown up" yet, so I learned to "settle" for 1, then finding out later that I hadn't given myself enough time to date and meet other guys, and I got stuck in my 1st marriage and found out I wasn't ready for it like I thought.

So I'm telling you that in your young life, later on you want to be sure who you pick for LIFE and right now is the time you can find your SELF, actually, in order to find "THE ONE" for you, IN time and on your own and you WILL be ok. Give yourself a chance!

Be GOOD to yourself!

Answer 2

If you really loved him the idea of dating other men wouldn't even cross your mind. I have only been dating my boyfriend for 10 months and I can't see myself with anybody else ever. Of course this might change, s it did for you. You are right, the best thing to do is take some time away from each other and evaluate how you feel about him in your relationship. Just tell him that you think that you need some time apart so you can think.

Answer 3

Try this write down pro's and con's on each of them and which ever one is has the most pro's and less cons that's the one you want just make sure you put down the pros that are really important to you and not that are important to others. But if that dont work Maybe you should try not dating anyone for a while and then maybe you can figure out what you want. and If your boyfriend is the one you want stay with him and keep your mind and thoughts away from the others because a good guy is hard to find and they are becoming far and few between.

Answer 4

Hi lady Sunshine, sometimes stuff like that happen. You need to follow your heart and find out what you want to do. Did you ask this guy, what he is feeling about you? Before you didn't talk to him, don't quiet with your good boy friend. You say he is a very good guy. And also you are with him over 16 months. You can not stop with somebody if you see some other guy. This can be happened to you all your life, what are you doing if you was married, and seeing another person going right a way to courthouse? You see, just think about it and find the right way. Good luck...

Answer 5

If you are thinking about other men in a romantic way perhaps you are not ready to be in an exclusive relationship. Before things go any further you should tell your boyfriend that you are not ready to for this relationship. If you are honest with him & leave things in a good way (rather than possibley seeing someone on the side) you might have a chance to get together later on, if that's what you both want. Or a least remain good friends. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Since your boyfriend hasn't done anything to you, don't break up with him. If he is as good as you say he is, then he should be able to be a good listener. Try talking to him about your confusion over these other two guys. If he is truly a good boyfriend, he would accept your decision to think over this whole issue. And if you decide it's him you want, then you have nothing to worry about! You didn't even start a serious relationship with the other two guys. But if it's one of the other two guys, a break-up with him has got to be done.

Answer 7

that's a hard one, and this is something your going to have to do on your own. Maybe your looking for something new, maybe your getting bored? i don't know, but i do know that a lot of people go through this very same thing all the time. And only think i can say is to trust your heart!

If you were to break it off with your man now, to see if this other guy is good for you... you may just end up with neither one of them. You have something good with the man you got now right? why stray, and have it not work out with this other man? if you do and it does not work, your man now is not going to want you back... i would give it a lot of thought, and do whats right by you!

We have to live life for ourselves! do what makes us happy!

Answer 8

You need to sit down and write out a list of the pros and cons of each guy. Whichever has the bigger list, then you need to think about how much you love (or like) each person. If you cant figure it out on your own, you need to go to your boyfriend and tell him what is going on. In any relationship, honesty and openness is the best possible way to solve any type of conflict. And since this is a conflict of interests, well.. Your boyfriend will have the best insight. If you dont feel comfortable going to him, Go talk to your mom. Good luck

Answer 9

Well with your boyfriend you just aren't feeling the connection you feel with the other guy. My advice for you is, go with the guy you have most in common with, someone you see a future with, and remember you can't have everything and a bag of chips, so if you do decide to break up with your boyfriend don't expect much back.

Answer 10

Stay with the b/f; the grass is never greener on the other side. It more than likely is a passing feeling that will go away after u cheat. And then you'll feel real real stupid 4 messing up a good thing. stay i say, stay.