I feel like my life is falling apart!!!!!?

Question

I feel like i'm losing direction and i just don't know what to do anymore. I stopped cutting myself 2 years ago and then today i cut myself. I feel so guilty now for doing it and wish i hadn't!!! i feel like i've thrown 2 years down the drain.

i am also struggling to stay off alcohol. I feel people have something against me, but maybe it's me, i don't know. I have had problems for years after seeing my mum experience domestic violence in my childhood.

I've also had drug addictions which i have overcome. I've got low self esteem and try to think positively but its wearing thin....

All i feel is guilt anger and sadness. Please god i need a break and i feel one day i'm gonna be pushed over the edge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

Hayley,

Take a couple deep breaths. In through your nose and out thru your mouth slowly.

Let's try to relax. I am hearing you are hurting. I am proud of you for overcoming your addictions. This is a big step to step out for help.

I understand you are feeling guilty because you cut your wrist. It actually is a good thing you are feeling guilty because you do want to stop. At the time I am sure you were feeling you just wanted the emotional pain to go away. There are other treatments for you.

Have you considered talking to a Mental Health Doctor? They have medcation to help you go through these hard times of life.

If you don't want to take the pills you can also get a therapist and talk. Try to open up and express how you are feeling. Communication will be your first step in treatment.

Please do not do anything that you will hurt yourself. You are loved and there are people who care about you. I DO! I CARE!

Have you considered support groups? Church Groups? Something that you can talk to someone. There are people who WANT to listen. You are going through a tough time and you will overcome this. You have had a rough start but, lets put this behind us and think of the positively.

Start off by forgiving yourself. You cut yourself ok let's start over. It's done. This will be Day one you have not cut yourself I want to hear tomorrow will be day 2 that you did not cut yourself. and day 3 etc.

I understand your pain and Haley you are not alone. Thousands of Woman are having emotional pain every day.

I am attaching a website please read through it and Haley PLEASE PLEASE talk to a Therapist to get you in the right path of life.

The hurt and pain WILL go away.

Answer 2

Please don't feel like you've thrown two years down the drain, you haven't. You stopped cutting, you went for 2 years without doing it. Thats an achievement.
You must be going through a difficult patch to have done it; but you only did it once.
Treat this as a learning curve. Remember how bad cutting made you feel, instead of solving your problem it added another. Its not the solution to your feelings or problems - thats your lesson for the future!
It may just be that you need a bit of extra support for now. Do the healthy thing, get it.
Have you tried cognitive behaviour therapy? Its not like counselling, you don't talk about the past, you talk about today and tomorrow. It gives you reasons and explanations and choices. See if your gp will get you a referral.
Get as much healthy support as you can, recognise you're vulnerable at the moment and be good to yourself.
Don't let the past be your future, its not. Its in the past. It was the other people that had the problem, not you. You were a child and not responsible for any of it.
Bless you, take care and all the best.

Answer 3

Hey sweetheart you're not alone. I lost eight years due to alcoholism. Started cutting myself at twelve y.o. I used alcohol cos I had 'social phobia' - a bit like agoraphobia but it wasn't just going outside, it was eating in front of other people, shops etc. Ended up wasting my life- spent 2 yrs in bed - because of this and drinking a litre and a half of gin a day.

Anyway I found a miraculous hynotherapist who took all the fear away and my life changed dramatically. I was walking on air for months then depression reared its head again and I got wasted for a week. Cut again too.

The worst you ever feel is when you feel like you betrayed youself or 'lost' whatever advantage you had over the problem.

The only advice I can give you is that noone is perfect, we all lapse sometimes and sometimes old habits die hard.

Just remember 1 time in 2 year years is amazing compared to how you used to be.

"although noone can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can make a brand new start from now and make a brand new future." - Carl Bard

All the luck in the world, and well done for overcoming all the problems you have in the past. Better than I did- had to get right down to lethal stages before I stopped. If you can control that to some extent, that's the hardest thing you'll ever do. Imagine what you'll be capable of in the future.

Much love- I feel for you.

Answer 4

It seems that alot of people have given you good advice so far but I feel I need to add my part.

I think the best thing that could happen in these times is to know you are not alone. I'm sure my situation is different but I know exactly how you feel.

I am fighting addiction also. I would like to say I have overcome some of my addictions but all I have done is replace them with another. If it wasn't pot, it was meth. Before that it was cocaine and crack. All I have done is replace my drug of choice with another. I quit cocaine, meth, crack etc... but can't seem to break the cycle of addiction. I just replaced it with pot and booze.

Some of it stems from my low self esteem. It's hard to keep your head up when you don't feel very good about yourself. I often feel like an outcast. Like there is something wrong with me and therefore somehow I am less of a person.

I haven't cut myself for at least 8 years. Somedays it is really hard not to. I used to cut myself just so I would feel something different than the pain inside. Never enough to seriously harm myself. Just enough to to know that I was still alive. That I was still capable of feeling other things.

The guilt is good. It shows that you realize the problem with cutting yourself and that you don't wan't to relive those painfull moments. Don't let it control you though. It will only lead you into a downward spiral which statistically will lead you back to relapse. Instead, admit that you are human and that you are going to make mistakes from time to time. It doesn't mean that you are a bad person.

I think that some of the best advice is to talk to somebody who will listen to you without judgment. Sometimes just knowing that someone else is paying attention to you makes all the difference in the world.

I hope this has given you some positivity on this matter. It has for me.

Answer 5

Have you been to counselling, I am assuming you have. I know you are dissapointed you are cutting yourself again but look at it this way you have been very strong to go two years without doing so you know you can stop again. I really congratulate you for stopping for two years.
The main thing to remember about domestci violence is that you don't want to live like that. So as soon as it happens to you get the guy out of your life for ever. You have to break the cycle of domestic violence.
Try to simplfy your life by not having any unnecessarry troubles in your life. If it or someone is causing you grief get it out of your life so you can concentrate on the main issues.
I don't know where you live or how old you are but have you though about going to a psychiatric ward for a break and some counselling.
Be strong you have gotten this far and be proud of what you have achieved. Keep fighting it will all be worth it.

Answer 6

Lots of people (if not most) relapse into negative behaviors. It takes a lot of tries to quit something, usually. It's not the end of the world if you relapse, but you need to get right back at it, getting that behavior under control. You did it before, you can do it again! You gotta not beat yourself up about it.

In my opinion, you are always going to be struggling with negative behaviors if you don't work on your underlying problems like the anger and sadness and guilt that you describe. Long-term therapy is the way to help you with that. Cognitive behavioral therapy was helpful for me in overcoming severe sexual abuse when I was little. Even after all this, you may still have to cope with addictions, you may have a genetic predisposition to it. So that will be hard, but you can learn the skills you need.

Good luck, and YOU CAN DO THIS!!

Answer 7

You sound like a very strong person to me. I know, I have lived through abuse and it is very hard to overcome the effects it can have on your life. All the things one can do that are damaging to oneself, to cope with the effects of abuse, are so hard to overcome and give up. Addictions are so hard to overcome. Look what you've been able to do... Even if you cut yourself again once, don't look at it as if you have failed. See it as the warning sign that it is. Just my opinion from reading your brief question--- Seems you might benefit from continued counseling and support if you are not receiving it. If you are, hang in there. Self esteem sometimes takes a while to build up, when you were used to turning to an addiction or habit to soothe yourself whenever you felt bad in the past. It is hard to just 'think positive.' I found that actually doing things that I enjoy or that can help others really improved my self esteem.. Best of luck to you and hang in there!

Answer 8

Hayley - low self esteem? You should be so proud of yourself for the courage you have shown in combatting the problems life has thrown at you. No one would blame you for slipping up once in a while! The main thing is that you have recognised your problems and determined to fight them. I do hope that you have some help in the form of good friends or family, or perhaps a support group of some kind. If not, a google search will help put you in touch with people who can help. I wish you the very best of luck.

Answer 9

Ok....you are a bit hormonal right now because you are pregnant. Stop being so panicky. Sit down with your finance and make a plan together. Alot of issues in relationships could be solved if there was a plan drawn up so that both parties understand how the problem will be solved. Make a plan then put the plan into ACTION. I think you should start by planning to commit. I think you should get married...it is hard to plan a life together when you are not married. Try taking one step at a time. Once you take one step...then take another. Make goals together and look forward.

Answer 10

This sounds like a long standing problem. I presume you have a psychiatrist, if not, you need one. Have you ever tried Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? It teaches you a different way of thinking and seeing things, turning negatives into positives. What you are describing is severe depression. You obviously need help with this. You cannot do it alone. I am presuming you have told your doctor about this, but if not, then please do. He/she will be sympathetic towards you and offer you what ever treatment necessary. Ask about psychotherapy, or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. There are also drugs that can help cover up the symptoms, but they are not a cure. They will help, but you need a talking therapy of some sort. If you don't want to talk to your doctor, then try your local branch of "Mind". Their address and telephone number will be in your telephone book. They give therapy totally free of charge.
Good luck, and hold on. There's help out there.xx