just give me some jokes and riddles which are really humourous?

Answer 1

__titar kay do aagay titar teetar kay do pichay titar bolo kitnay titar
__hari thi man bhari thi dushala pdhe khadi thi
__hindi riddles

Answer 2

TRY THESE. you wud understand better if you are a science student.

Q:What did einstien say when the chicken crossed the road?
A:It only depends on your frame of reference whether the chicken is crossing the road or vice versa.

Q:What did Schrodinger say when the chicken crossed the road?
A:It is only the probability of the chicken crossing the road which matters.

Q:What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?
A: Fission Chips.

Q: What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
A: "You may have graduated but I've got many degrees"

Q: What do you call the random path that a cow makes as it grazes in the pasture?
A: Bovinian motion

How was that??????????????

Answer 3

Here's a riddle:
A policeman arrives at the scene of a murder on a nice sunny afternoon, there is a cyclist dead on the floor holding a small stick. There is no sign of injury but there is a small pool of liquid, it's obvious to the policeman that it's not blood. The policeman is the only person at the scene so how does he come to the conclusion it's murder?










Answer: The cyclist was poisoned with an ice-lolly
Silly I know, but it made you think!

Answer 4

responses to telemarketer

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

Answer 5

A not-so-romantic guy wanted to impress his girlfriend and takes her to the most expensive restaurant in the city. He did not know anything romantic to say so he decided to observe the couples at the neighbouring tables while his girlfriend went to the restroom.
One of his neighbours told his wife, "Honey, honey?"
The guy thought , 'Hmm, not bad."
Then he observed another guy telling his wife, "sugaa, sugar?"
Then he was really impressed and thought of something really similar.
So when his girlfriend returned, he had all the food ordered, including her favourite food.
Then he went "ham, pig?'
He was so stupid he was surprised when his girlfriend ditched him

Answer 6

Why did the turkey cross the road?
The Chicken was too chicken.
Ok so there was two fish swimming along. One of them ran into a cement wall. The other looked at the dead fish and said "Dam"
You know like Dam the wall and the curse word!

Answer 7

I have 4 eyes 7 ears 64 bums and 5676heads
What am I?






















Ugly

Answer 8

Are u looking for small & humourous..........
CHECK IT OUT>>>>>>...


1) Hanuman went to lanka& said to Sita
Mere naal chalo mainu ram ne bejeya a.
Sita: mai paraye mard naal nai jana
Hanaman: Na, Jisde naal ai se oah! tera fufad lagda sii!!

2) What is the opposite of achaar ??????
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

THINKING
&
THINGING

*
Onion!!
How?
Achaar = Pickle = pee-kal
So opp of pee-kal is pee-aj
pee-aj = peeaj = Onion
What a logic ??????
HaHaHaHaHaHa!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

OK this is a riddle

I'm a fungus
Some people think I'm nasty
Some don't
I'm brown looking
what am I

Answer 10

what do baseball players eat on? home plates
why was the baby strawberry crying? it's parents were in a jam
what button doesnt unbutton? a belly button