Motherly duties???

Question

I have a 18 year old daughter who lives with her 1 year old baby in my house. Since she dropped out of highschool, she's at home doing not much. I really want her to finish her education, so that one day she'll be able to be independent. She is not sure what she wants to do and she's not very keen to start something. I feel, that by now, my granddaughter is old enough to spend some hours in daycare, so that my daughter could either start looking for a job or go back to school. My daughter feels, that since her Dad pays child support for her, there is no need to work and everything else will just happen one day. But for me it has nothing to do with money, but everything with taking charge of your own life. I was a young mother myself, but I've finished college with 2 kids (now I have 4 and the youngest is 3) and I've worked all my life. How can I help my daughter to get on her own feet and off my back? What are her responsibilities and what are mine?

Answer 1

She's eighteen, her responsibities are to be a grown up and work. Your responsibilties are to guide her to make the best descicions. If you choose to help her through school that's one thing, but I would advise you not to let her stay there as a child with her own child. Get to work, school, or get out.
It's one thing to help your kid, it's another to let them use you. And letting her take no responsibility is not helpping her or the baby. Just one more person to muche off the tax payers, for now being you, or maybe a little of both.

Answer 2

Well, this is very sad situation. As you describe the situation, I think Your Daughter is going through some depression or trauma. She may be depressed over the guy who left her and who she Loved more! She may be feeling disheartened that she made a mistake going out with that guy and stuff. I think the best option here would be to talk to a Counselor at Parenting center on anywhere else about your daughter's situation. She may be that she has nothing to do but here you need to figure out some way to get her back to her old life and to make her sorroundings interesting to her. You are a mother and I can understand what your situation is here by seeing your daughter like this. I am sure you are worried about her future. If you tell her frankly than she may think that she and her child is being a burden on you and may leave you and go somewhere. So, the best option here is to find herself a part time job or let her volunteer at a local Childcare where she could be around happily playing children which may make her think she has something important to do in life and not just sit around feel Bad about her past mistakes and be depressed. Here, You need to figure out a way to make her sorroundings interesting to her. If that doesn't work you may also take her to the park and places where there is peace of mind, harmony and the place where you can start talking her and makeing her realize that her life has not ended simply because a guy left her. I suggest the very First Step would be to contact a Counselor and discuss this issue and figure out and explore all of your possible options. She is not interested in anything that goes around her in her life but here your task should be to make those things interesting for her! I wish you the very best of luck in choosing what is right for her. I hope everything be just as good soon!

Sincerely.

Answer 3

You just shouldnt be able to be a parent while you yourself are still receiving child support (for yourself as a child). OY VEY
I would strongly encourage her to at least finish high school or get a GED and that is something she could do part time so the child wouldnt have to be in daycare too much at first. After that it is time for her to decide to get a job or go to college. Most colleges have on site daycares that are far better staffed than the centers available to the general public and they usually cost less too! She is 18 and therefore you are not responsible for her or her child but since she is such a young mom I would want to keep an eye on her for awhile!

Answer 4

She really needs to get up off her *** and do something with her life, if for nothing else, then to set a good example for her daughter. Just because she is getting child support, doesn't mean she should sit back and do nothing. I am a mother of 4 also, I had my first child when I was 18 and I regret not doing something with my life back then, because now I'm 33 and barely going to college...if I had done something back then, I'd have an awesome career right now! Better late than never but its easier when you're younger, when your kids are younger...

Answer 5

If anything she should go back to school and get her GED. They have night classes and everything so maybe you can help out watching her baby. From there she should look into college, they have alot of online programs that she can do, so she does not have to find a day care and pay them. You should sit down and have a long talk to her. Even if you can just get her to finish highschool thats one step closer at having a better life. She cant live with you all of her life, and she cant depend on child support to live on.

Answer 6

Wow. That's tough. I mean, she is your daughter, and you don't want to do or say anything that will make her mad and make her really not want to do anything. The only thing I can suggest is to sit down together and figure out what her strengths and interests are. Was she a good student, or was she just skating by? I mean, education is always the way to go, but some kids feel that since they didn't do well in school, forget it. But, if she's interested in, say, cosmotology, have her sign up at a cos school. Gosh, I don't know. She really needs to finish high school in order to do anything. Maybe explain to her in terms of "You only have _____ time left. Why not just get it out of the way so that you can get on w/ your life?" Also let her know that you can barely work at McDonalds anymore w/ out a GED or diploma. Also, in terms of daycare for your grandchild, most daycares in my area except kids as young as six weeks old. My son is in daycare, has been since he was 2 months old, and he knows sign language (he's 19 months old), can repeat ABC's, count to two. . . the list goes on. There's great benefit to daycare, so maybe you can bring that to your daughter's attention, too. Good luck!

Answer 7

First of all, it was great of you to allow your daughter to live with you. That was a gesture of love, not responsibility since she is considered an adult at 18.

The toughest thing about being a parent is allowing our kids to make their own mistakes. Your daughter definitely needs to do "something". Is she paying rent to you? If not she should. If she is getting a free ride with you, why should she do anything for herself. Your responsibility is to love her and help her if you can. I am sure there are counselors out there to help her. Check with public health. Maybe she could start small and take A class and then go from there. But........as long as you let her live with you and continue to support her, she will stay.....WHY should she do anything for herself if you do it. Not being tough on you, just stating the reality.

Answer 8

That's a very good question. I would sit her down and talk to her, as i am sure you've already done, and make sure she knows that daddy isn't gonna be paying child support forever- and he shouldn't be now. If she doesn't care about herself, make it about her kid. what is she going to do if her daughter gets sick and she has no money to pay the hospital bills? or, make her pay half of your rent, and don't give her any money to help, unless it's for your grandchild, in which case you buy it, not her.
Pretty much what it comes down to is you have to somehow find a way to motivate this girl to get an education... Or maybe she just needs a little break. either way I agree- she needs to do someting very soon

Answer 9

Your daughter should stay home with her baby until her baby is 3. At that time she should get into a program or education course so by the time she is graduated and ready to go out into the work force, her daughter will be starting school.
I think it works out better that way because its important for children to be with their mothers until they start school not some baby sitter and also, she will have that freedom to build her life when her daughter will be in school. Child care is expensive!

Answer 10

She could get her GED- and once she gets that, she can even get a degree or certification online! I was in a 4-year college until I got pregnant this past June, I had already spent a year and a half there and honestly had no idea what I was doing. I decided to wait until the baby is born, and after that I am going to take night classes at the community college downtown and get my LPN nursing license. It only takes 9 months to get it, and you can actually make a decent income! There are plenty of options for her, she doesn't have to waste 4 years at college if she doesn't want to...tell her to check out a community college and see the certifications they offer. Good luck!!!