Is it selfish to never have kids?

Question

My heart wants them, my common sense says no. I think of things like how am I going to provide for them? All those things? It just does not seem pliable or sensible to have any. I am 30 now, am I doing the right thing?

Answer 1

There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids ever. You are making a very smart and wise decision. I never want kids either, ever. It's nice to see somone making a smart decision about not having a child, instead of people having children who can't afford to put food in their own mouth. Think about all the positives in this situation too. First, you have your freedrom, more money, less stress, don't age as quickly, a better body, more time, cleaner house/car, you don't have to change a dirty diaper before you eat dinner, you can play loud music in your house/car, you can focus more on your career, you can go out and not have to worry about finding a babysitter, etc. I could go on for days and days. You don't have to fall into the cookie cutter and get married and have kids. Be different and unique and do what you want to do!! Good luck!!!

Answer 2

My common sense says no too, but I think my maternal instict will kick in in some years and the common sense will stand no chance against it.

Whether it's selfish or not certainly depends on your perspective. One can say people who do have kids "selfishly" want to continue their bloodline, "selfishly" want to be taken care of when they get older, "selfishly" want a bond that will last them a lifetime. Still, others would argue that it's unselfish because you decide to dedicate your time, money and efforts to someone else for a lot of years, because you add to humanity, your country and the work force's population, because God says so and so on.

Just like that, not having kids can be viewed as selfish because someone might assume that you want to keep all your money and time for your personal enjoyment and so on. However, there are many who
a) consider this world's too cruel or dangerous to bring a child too
b) believe they don't have enough money to support a child and will not be able to provide it with a happy childhood and a good education
c) believe they wouldn't make good enough parents - too little time/energy etc.
... and so on...
In a sense, these people are selflessly thinking for the child's benefit before the child was born. And they end up not having it.

I think it all comes down to perspective. Each individual is a different case, and entitled to decide for himself or herself.

However, I firmly believe that it's both unrealistic and unnecessary to make a decision on having children or not at age 30 and keeping it for your whole life. You might have second thoughts now, or decide against it completely (or for it, for that matter), and then something might happen that will completely turn that decision around. Like meeting an ideal person, or being attacked by the aforementioned maternal instict.

In any case, I believe it's very healthy thinking about it. Just be open to new thoughts, perspectives and sentiments. Maybe you will have children, maybe you won't. There's no "right thing" for now, there's a different right for every person.

Answer 3

If you want children go for it. It is alot of hard work and trying at times but it is worth it. If you don't feel up to it then maybe you should not. It is a scary thing to have the life of another totally dependent on you but once you hold that little one it makes all the sense in the world. Can promise you if you do decide to have a baby it will the the biggest and best mess you ever make. I love being a mom. Only gave birth to one and that might be selfish but I have custody of my nephew now and it is all going as well as can be expected. Good luck with whatever you decide. Will pray for you.

Answer 4

I have never understood how not having children is selfish. I still dont get that. Are you married? You are 30 so you still have 5 years before you cross into "high risk pregnancy" land. If you are alone and dont feel you have the resources to raise a child properly than I dont think choosing to not have them is selfish - just the opposite. It is selfish to have a child you know you cant support just because you want one!
If you want to have children you still have several years to build yourself up financially and at 35 if you are still in an iffy money spot wait a couple more years and then adopt. You can become a parent at any age if you are OK w adoption. Dont have a child because you feel rushed by biology wait until you are ready and can support the child.

Answer 5

To have them or not is your decision alone. I always wanted them myself, so when I met & married my husband, we did that. BUT. If I'd chosen to go down the career path, or if I just didn't want kids, isn't it less selfish to make sure that I didn't have them? For those that want them, it's a great experience. For those that don't, that's okay, too. Having kids isn't for everyone, and at least you're thinking about this now, rather than after you've gotten pregnant. Besides, like the others mentioned, you've still got time to make your final decision. Either way you choose will be right for YOU. That's what's really important here, not what other people think of you.

Answer 6

It is not selfish. Some people don't have the resources to have children and it is better not to have kids if you can't take care of them properly.

I didn't want children by my first husband. I looked into Big Sisters and donated some time and money by being a Big Sister. Later I met the right man and had a child at 34.

Answer 7

Thank you for being bright enough and responsible enough to think this life changing event over!!!! You are not selfish for not wanting children. Think about how many people have children they cant afford. The parents are on welfare programs, the kids don't get the chance in life they deserve because they have ignorant parents who don't know about birth control. I think if you ever decide to be a mother you will make a wonderful parent because you are so rational, and you think things through. Good luck to you.

Answer 8

Its totally your decision, my cousin did not want a baby, but her husband did, she had a baby, and she really hasn't bond to this child like most mothers do. If you feel that you can not afford a child, then your probably doing the right thing with not having one, but if your afraid you won't be able to raise the child properly, don't worry, it comes natural. Im 28 and just had my first, and I don't regret it, best thing that happened. But your not being selfish for not wanting any, my best friend does not want children and shes completely happy with that. Its your life, and you are the only one that knows what you can and can not provide for this child. Good Luck, and don't regret anything.

Answer 9

It is not selfish to not have kids. Why is it selfish? Do not have kids if you are not sure you want them. You are making a life time commitment to them. 18 years or so of real work and then forever in your heart and on your mind. Once you have a child, you cannot give it back. So, if you cannot afford them; don't have them. Society already has enough unwanted children and we certainly are not in an extinction mode.

Answer 10

Only you can determine what works for your particular circumstances. Most people will find a way to make it work financially, if they truly want children. But you shouldn't feel guilty or that you're doing something wrong, if you decide not to have children.

I chose not to have children. I love children, they just weren't for me. Selfishly, I didn't want the responsibility. However, I feel is it far more selfish to have children for the wrong reasons (what society expects, family pressure, etc.) - the children pay the price if it's not right.

Good luck and follow your heart (and instincts)!