Whats the funniest joke you ever heard?

Question

I love to share.

Answer 1

What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

Snowballs. :*)

Answer 2

The winner, submitted by Gurpal Gosall, of Manchester, England was:

“ A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?" ”

The second place finisher and early leader was this joke, submitted by Geoff Anandappa of Blackpool, England:

“ Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
”

While this was the top joke in the UK:

“ A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
”

And in Australia the top joke was as follows:

“ This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."

Answer 3

A man is driving down the road when he sees this guy parked on the side of the road, like he's broken down. The man stops to help the guy out. The guy in the truck says, "I have this truck full of penguins and I'd appreciate it if you could take them to the zoo." The man is driving a truck and decides to help out. A few days pass and the guy runs into the man who still has a truckload full of penguins. The guy says to the man, "You were supposed to take these penguins to the zoo!" The man says , "I did take them to the zoo, then I took them to the movies, I took them to the museum, to the carnival.....

Answer 4

Two Irishmen, boarding a train, each has a banana with him to eat on the journey. They find two window seats opposite each
other, the train departs and the two men begin to peel their bananas. Almost immediatelly, the train dissapears into a long
tunnel! The first man says "patrick, have you aeten your banana
yet"? No! why? says he. Well don't touch it came the reply.
"I've just taken a bite and oive gone bloind" !

Answer 5

Boudreaux and Pierre were flying Cajun Airlines. Pierre was flying da plane and Boudreaux was in da back foolin wit da cargo equipment an stuff.
Da plane hit some turbulence an started bouncing aroun' an Pierre got knock unconscience. Den da plane start driftin.
Boudreaux him come run up to da front an saw dat Pierre was sprawl out over da steerin wheel.
Well, Boudreaux don know nuttin bout flyin an he start to get panaky. He grab da microphone and holla "May Day! May Day! Dis is Cajun Air Line 10210. Pierre, him knock unconscence an I don know nutin about flyin dis plane!"
"Dis is da control tower," someone answer. "Don you worry bout nutin. We gona splain how fo you to land dis plane, step by step, ah gar-on-tee! Jus leave aryting ta us. Fus, how high are you an what's you position?"...
Boudreaux thought a minute, den say, "I'm five foot ten an I'm all da way to da front of da plane."
"No! No!", answer da tower. "What's you altitude an where's you location?"
Boudreaux say, "Man, ah got a po attitude, an I'm from Thibodaux!"
"No! No! No!" came an exasperated voice. "Ah needs to know how many feet you got off da groun an how you plane's in relation to da airport!"
Boudreaux start to panic by dis time. He say, "Countin Pierre's an mine we got fo feet off da ground an I don bleve dis plane's related to you airport!"
A long pause --- "We needs to know who you next of kin is and where to send da flowers!"


The blonde and football game
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

also look up the video of the blonde locking herself IN the car and
futnuckers and the other political videos on


http://www.jibjab.com/

Answer 6

This will have you rolling on the floor LYAO:

A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe, my friend, Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up. "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the crap out of the little rabbit. The giraffe and elephant watch in horror, then finally obtain the presence of mind to pull the lion off the rabbit. "Lion," they reprimand, "why’d you do that? He was merely trying to help us all!" The lion answers, "That little idiot has me running around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's on ecstasy!"

Answer 7

Why did the blonde jump off the building ? She thought her pad had wings :)

Answer 8

what's the difference between a rich man , and a poor man?
a rich man has a canopy OVER his bed!

Answer 9

Okay so there are two muffins sitting in an oven and one of them says,"hot enough for ya?" and the other one says,"holy cow! A talking muffin!!"

ROFL!!

Answer 10

what's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind before he hits the windhield.....his a$$.