My Dad just had a Quad Bypass done in November and has started back smoking what do I do?

Question

My dad is 47 years old and has smoked all of his life. Then this past year he complained of chest pains one weds in November and was rushed to the hospital, he has never had any heart problems before. He was rushed in and they found that he had FIVE blocked arteries all blocked 95 %. He had surgery on that Friday!. He recovered well and was sent home the following week. When he got home he immediately went in and discussed a quit smoking plan and was very "excited" about quiting and becoming more healthier. Well as he went on he went from smoking about 5 cigs down to 1 and eventually none in about a month. But shortly after christmas he picked back up.I kept onto him telling him that it is goin to kill him and he just kept telling me "Heather leave me alone!" My mom wouldnt say anything to him. He would let his friends come over and smoke around him no prob! I cant quite understand why he would be doing this to himself. What am I doing wrong? Is there something that I can do? Help! :(

Answer 1

First of all, I wish you best with this situation. As a nurse, I see this every day.
Unfortunately, you cannot MAKE your Dad stop smoking. But you can ask your dad to stop smoking. Simply tell him that you love him and that you're so glad he got a second chance at life after his surgery and that you simply don't want to lose him. Explain that you know that smoking is something he CAN control (unlike a heart attack or cancer) and that you simply have one wish....and that it is for him to please consider his family (esp. grandchildren he may or may not have yet) when he thinks about lighting up again. Every cigarette he doesn't light up adds days and weeks to his life. Remind him of how easy it was for him to quit the first time and that it will be just as easy the second time. And that he will have your support the whole way, no matter what it takes.
You MUST REMEMBER, though to keep calm. If he sees you upset and mad and yelling, he will get defensive and tune you out.
I hope you have the kind of relationship with your dad that you can do this. Otherwise it will be HARD, but it must be done if you are to have him around much longer.
Again, I wish you ALL THE BEST and I know that it will be hard, but you can do it because you want him around and I can tell you love him.......

Answer 2

Smoking is a very difficult addiction to quit. Very rarely does someone stop successfully on their first attempt. Most people quit, perhaps for a few days or weeks and then"relapse" back into the habit again. This is normal and to be expected. Give your dad a break- he is trying and making an effort. The less agressive you are about it, the more apt he is to try again soon. And with each effort, the chances of success increase. Tell him you love him and support him. Offer suggestions or ideas of different methods of quitting- ask him which methods he prefers. Also, don't just focus on the smoking- make sure his diet is healthy, he is getting exercise, and losing weight (if necessary). Be supportive, know that ist is a process of attempts to quit before one attempt will succeed. It takes patience- it can't happen over night. Good luck and I hope your dad continues to be healthy.

Answer 3

As a health care provider in a cardiology clinic, I see and deal with these patients nearly every day. There are people who eventually do what they need to do and quit for good. There are others who never are able to get beyond their habit and continue despite clear negative consequences.

Interestingly those who quit hard (or never quit) are the folks that are usually the most bitter when horrible health consequences occur and they become debilitated/disabled.

It is even more difficult to get a family member to stop smoking compared to a patient. I failed at being able to convince my dad. He died of a sudden, massive heart attack - and in many ways he was lucky.

The problem is NOT that you will die suddenly and perhaps prematurely - its that the majority of things smoking does to you maims you rather than kills you. There are much worse things than a sudden death. Next time you are in the grocery and see someone confined to the scooter, wearing oxygen, ask that person how long they smoked - because there is a near certainty that they did - and may still. Ask them if they could do it all over again if they would still smoke all of those years. Ask them what someone could have said that might have made a difference.

In short, you have very little influence in this matter where your father is concerned. Enlist the help of his cardiologist or primary doctor. Otherwise make it clear that you would strongly prefer if he did not smoke because you love him, want the best for him, and want to see him healthy and happy. Praise him and encourage him when he tries to quit or makes an effort to quit.

Other than that it is up to him. Good luck.

Here's a link to a new medication for this matter. I have very little first hand experience with the medication yet.
http://www.formularyjournal.com/formulary/article/articleDetail.jsp?id=335321

Answer 4

I'm not sure why your mom isn't on board, but you may want to talk to her first and get her "on board". Maybe she can talk to his friends and get them to at least smoke outside. The second-hand smoke is even worse for you than your father.

Do you go to the doctor with your father when he has checkups? Maybe he/she can help him quit. Nicotine is a very powerful addiction. There are all kinds of things available to help your father if he so chooses. See the link below.

I don't know if you've graduated or not, but you may want to let him know what he'll miss if he continues to smoke.
1. Your graduation from high school
2. If you haven't had prom yet, that.
3. Your graduation from college if you're planning on going
4. Who will walk you down the aisle when you get married?
5. Grandchildren being born
6. Holding the grandchildren
7. Babysitting the grandchildren
8. Grandchildren's preschool graduation and beyond.

If you live in NY State, there is help:
http://www.nysmokefree.com/newweb/default.aspx

Answer 5

leave him alone let him live a life he will stop when he is ready see how frustrating it is to you that you cant stop trying to get him to stop smoking and look after himself well how frustrated do you think it is for him to give it up long term after he has done it so long its not just an addiction it is a way of life for so long so give him a break and offer help in other ways like take him for a walk or make him a really nice dinner help him other ways and stop being so hard on him how would you like your child to tell you what to do
yeah it might kill him one day but so can the sun and a car and lots of other things so can eating the wrong foods
just be there don't be patronizing be helpful

Answer 6

The only thing you can do is tell him that it's obvious he doesn't want to be around for his children too long, and it makes you sad. Sometimes I feel this frustrated with my 18yr old daughter who has other issues, but I feel like saying, "I know it would be the hardest thing you've ever done, but it would be so worth it!" Hang in there, and love him despite his faults. My husband had double bypass 10 years ago, but still shovels in the pepperoni pizzas. I feel your pain.

Answer 7

MY DAD DID THE SAME THING FOR SEVERAL YEARS----FINALLY ONE YEAR HE GAVE UP CIGERETTES DURING LENT --6 WKS.---THEN SOMEONE SAID TO SMOKE A THIN CIGAR CALLED A PANATELLA ( YOU TEND TO PUFF RATHER THAN DEEP ENHALE WITH CIGARS ) WHENEVER HE FELT THE URGE-- HE MIGHT SMOKE 3-4 A DAY TO 3-4 A WEEK FINALLY KEPT CUTTING BACK & AFTER A YEAR OR SO STOPPED BY SMOKING LESS & LESS & THEN QUIT...HE DIED @ 87 YRS. 40 YEARS ( SMOKE FREE ) LATER.... AFTER THAT EARLY STINT, NEVER SMOKED AGAIN.....& SAID IT WAS A WONDERFULLY BETTER TO BREATHE FRESH AIR-----DON'T ALLOW FRIENDS TO SMOKE IN THE HOUSE 'CAUSE IT'S TOO EASY TO SMELL & START UP AGAIN----LATER 2-3 YRS. SMOKE WILL BE REPUGNANT............

Answer 8

Unfortunately, people need to learn from their own mistakes. Maybe he will get the point with his next heart attack or stroke. He will understand once he has lost his dignity to having his personal cares tended for because he no longer is able to function.

Answer 9

hi
sorry to hear this
your Dad needs to throw the smokes away=he is only in his 40s and tell him he wont be around to see grandkids if he keeps this up=you can also pray for him

Answer 10

I don't know how you've approached him about this, but I would recommend just telling him how worried you are about it. If he sees that you're really concerned he'll probably be more likely to listen to you.