Why can't I look at a date with out thinking of her?

Question

I had what I thought was my dream come true. But, she cheated on me after 3 years of a great relationship. Not once did we have an arguement or fight of any kind. In the past when a ex cheated on me I had no feeling left. This time I can't seem to go out on a date and look at my date without thinking of me ex. What do I do to get over it? I thought I was.

I haven't gone into her territory or even spoken to her since November 20th of 2006....I don't jump at any emails she sends me. I have only sent her one explaining what parts she needs to get for her breaks on her van. I did not say Love ya, ttyl or anything like that. I just put my name after the pictures of what is wrong and a short explanation for her brother....but, thanx to you all for the advice...It was hard to pick a best answer!

Answer 1

- Don't idolize her and build her up into something great. She is nothing of the sort. So don't gaze lovingly at pictures of her. Don't jump to answer her e-mail or phone calls. And definitely don't go out of your way for her. She no longer deserves preferential treatment.
- After the relationship reaches finality, you have to break off contact or you will go mad. Don't beg or cry. Don't drunk-dial.
Don't write her e-mail. Don't send packages or CDs. Don't dedicate a song to her on the radio. Get the picture? She will find you if she wants to. And even if you can talk your way back into her arms, it's only a temporary reprieve. She already knows you want her back, and she doesn't care. Take that as a sign.
- Write her a letter pouring out your negative and weepy feelings, then disassociate them from yourself. Throw the letter away or burn it. But definitely don't send it to her. You will only regret it. She will show her friends and her new boyfriend. And they will all share a good laugh.
- Don't venture into her territory. You won't be welcome. Find new places to hang out for the first few months and make new friends, if necessary. If any of your friends insist on maintaining contact with her, you may have to shut them out, too -- at least temporarily. After some time has passed, you should go back to living normally, and that means hanging out at these places and reconnecting with mutual friends.
- You don't have to burn it all, but definitely get pictures, gifts, clothing, letters, and e-mail out of your living area, or at least out of your line of vision. If that means giving away roughly half of your wardrobe to get rid of the memory of her, so be it. As a rule of thumb, if the object reminds you of your ex, discard it. This can save your sanity.
- Unless it's a diamond ring or something that's one-of-a-kind, you're better off not contacting her to get it back. DVDs, clothes, your extra toothbrush... just let 'em go. They're only possessions. Is it really worth the pain of being in her presence just to reclaim a pair of boxer shorts? Don't exchange your dignity for menial belongings.
- Let your buddies give you a reality check on how your ex wasn't all that to begin with, and that there are more fish in the sea. A little male camaraderie can go a long way towards getting your head straight. We've all been detonated by a woman before and most of us will likely get detonated again.
- Freedom is always intoxicating. There's a world of activities you can partake in that you were never able to enjoy because your "other half" didn't approve. So indulge. Travel. Build a model ship. Go hiking. Play video games on your computer. Watch TV all weekend. Do anything you want. Why not start boxing? Ideally, you want to find an activity that allows you to release your anger and alleviate stress.
- If you feel nostalgic, then think of all the times she was a ***** to you. That should do it. Remember the time she made you wait by the dressing room as she endlessly tried on clothing? Or the time she reminded you not too drink too much in front of your posse? Nobody wants that back.
- Nothing reminds you that you are a man quite like having a new woman in your bed. So take solace in the arms of another. Call it a rebound if you wish. Plenty of heartbroken guys go this route and for a very good reason -- it makes you feel better, even if it's only temporary. So go out there and feel better about yourself!

Answer 2

well...if u cant think of another this means that u really loved her
take a little time off relations
and think again of the main goals of ur life and focus a little bit on them
get a lot of friends and get a job that takes long time of work
u will get home soo tired to think of her
and if u think of her think that she didnt deserve it
if all that fail try to get into a rebound relation...but should tell ya this
it will fail coz rebounds are just for that
but trust me
love comes in a second

Answer 3

I think the best thing you should do is to forget about her. Each time when she comes into your mind, try and do everything possible to forget her, may be you can just play a sound or music that you like so much and be singing. each time you want to think about her just try to do something that you think you can forget her like reading a novel or magazine or anything that has fun time. Or you can look for another girl to start a date with

Answer 4

hey this girl sounds like you loved her very much when she cheated she burnt the trust bridge now if you really want to get over it tell your self hey this isnt the same girl being youve been burnt like that its very hard to trust anybody been there done that but in time it will get better

Answer 5

definite - most of the time. we are subconsciously attracted to eye-catching people. for example: women persons are subconsciously attracted to adult males with particularly bigger cheek bones and better looking physiques. Why? it quite is by using fact the subconscious is telling the female that the guy would be a extra useful service and convey better offspring.

Answer 6

you still love her and cant seem to shake the past or understand why she did you that way i would tell you to move on you only get hurt again i was in the same way in.2003. the same year i divorced now my.ex. wife and you can do better in my opion good luck to you on this i know the feeling. ???