we been together for nearly 2 years and we really love each other, but recently he has a recurrance of colon cancer in the lymph nodes, please help me, i am 28 he is 25, i still have lots of dreams like marriage, kids and buying a house. Am i being selfish? Realistic answers please!!
2007-01-15 21:33:02 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am not worried about his fertility, he is unemployed now due to treatment, how can we afford kids and house when he has no income?
2007-01-15 22:19:02 · update #1
Do what is best for you . . .
2007-01-15 21:35:53 · answer #1 · answered by a9113257311 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm torn between telling you that you're selfish for worrying about marriage and a new house when he's facing death and needs your support the most, and telling you that .... no, you're just selfish. You're 28, not 48. You still have plenty of time for all that. He may not have much time at all. When cancer hits the lymph nodes, you're in the major leagues with the bases loaded. If you love him, you'll help him through this. If not, then boogie on out the door.
2007-01-15 21:39:22 · answer #2 · answered by Jadalina 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not being selfish, i think you are just "in a tight schedule" & try to be realistic. I had my first boyfriend when i was 27 (we are married now), so i think i know how you feel. Please forgive me if i'm wrong.
This is my suggestion: stay with your loved one, support him, encourage him, most of all...love him (if possible, marry him)
The chances are:
1. If he survive the cancer, you are married you the man that you love & loved you for sure....that's the dream come true, right?
2. If he couldn't make it, well... you'll be able to go with someone else without feeling guilty for leaving the man that you love when he needed you most.
3. What kind of man who want to marry a woman who leave the man that she loves when he needs her? Do you want to marry that kind of man?
If you are awake now, it's better to live your life, not your dream(s).
If it is the real love, enjoy it as much as you can, for you might not be able to find it again.(there are a lot of loveless marriages out there, don't add up the number just because you are getting older, want to get married, have babies, etc)
Anyway, this is my opinion only... I might be wrong, but i know someone who won't make mistake....God.
It's best if you come to ask God, what does he wants you to do....pray.
2007-01-15 22:03:18 · answer #3 · answered by sleepless in seattle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Turn the situation around. If you the one to have cancer, what would be your reaction if he should leave you just because you had cancer. Pretty selfish reaction, in my opinion. You still have time for children. I started my marriage at 37--had children--and a great life. There is a saying "It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all" Good luck to you both.
2007-01-15 21:48:27 · answer #4 · answered by old_woman_84 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am lucky my now husband didn't leave me when my cancer came out of remission. I did give him the option though. It's a tough call. Are you strong enough to support him through this. I don't think your being selfish, what you want is every womans dreams, but you need to ask yourself 2 questions:
1. do you love him enough to be able to give up having kids & a house with him - if it comes to that
2. Are you strong enough to be able to put your needs aside and be there for him.
I don't envy you in making this decission but I don't think you should rush into it. Talk to councellors or a support group in your area. Talk to your boyfriend see how he feels.
I'm sorry no one can make this decission for you. Be strong and source your information from the experts.
2007-01-15 21:45:18 · answer #5 · answered by Donna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is such a hard question to answer. i know a couple who have been married 25 years with two grown up kids. the husband got cancer which affected their love life and then everything changed. unfortunatley she couldn't hack it and has left. the moral answer to this would definately be 'no'. if you really love him then you should stick by him no matter what. but in reality its not that simple. someone with cancer takes alot of looking after, not just physically but emotionally which takes it toll on both of you, thus affecting the relationship. if your torn over this which i can imagine you are, i would seek professional advice to see if you could cope with what is to come, and if you personally can cope. at the end of the day if you cannot cope with his illness it would be kinder to leave now. he must have family who could support him if your not around, or can get professional help himself. don't feel obligated to stay because of his illness. it wouldn't be fair on either of you. its an answer only you can really find inside yourself. good luck!!!
2007-01-15 21:44:52 · answer #6 · answered by emzc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you're being selfish at.all. We all deserve a best chance to life. It is very hard that your boyfriend has cancer. It is an awful situation to deal with. You must be devastated. I think you should consider the pros and cons of staying and leaving. U never know. He may be able to still do all those things, like have kids but its 100% your choice. Good luck!
2007-01-15 21:39:25 · answer #7 · answered by MrsMatsuyama 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand that you are a normal person, in an abnormal situation. I see your point, it does seem a bit selfish, the guy did not ask for cancer. You could give him hope, you may want to call for a little bit of space, to figure you own life out. Im not you, but what i would do is be by his side.
2007-01-15 21:49:57 · answer #8 · answered by Jonas V 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you're being selfish. He could beat the cancer he might not but think of it this way..
1. if you really love him how could you imagine leaving him when he needs your love the most, he needs it to have something to fight the cancer for.
2. put yourself in his shoes. You get cancer and the man you've loved for 2 years, and you thought loved you leaves because you might not make it...how would you feel?
Seriously, I understand wanting kids, and such but just because he has cancer doesnt mean he can't give it to you. I have had 2 tumours and when i start dating a new guy I always tell them there's a good chance i'll get another one and maybe not be alive much longer. I know that the man I'm with would stay with me if I was on my deathbed and that rigth there shows me that if god forbid i do get another one i have something ot fight for.
Please think of him
2007-01-15 21:39:28 · answer #9 · answered by attila 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes leave him, you obviously do not have the intestinal fortitude to hold up your end when the going gets tough and he will need help soon,,, not another weight to bear. You spoke of having children; could we get you to refrain from ever doing that. This lack of spine you are afflicted with may be genetic and any help we can get to eradicate it from the human race is greatly appreciated.
You are either the most bluntly self centered person to ever walk the globe or horrifically stupid. You said these things and then ask "am I being selfish." How do you sleep at night?
2007-01-15 21:48:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, u r being selfish. he really needs u right now. imagine u were married to him would u leave him because he had cancer. not a very strong commitment. he could store some of his sperm away for later usage,if u are worried about him being infertile. why would cancer keep u from buying a house or marriage?
2007-01-15 21:38:36 · answer #11 · answered by Miki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋