anyone know any funny mexican jokes?

Question

i really want to know because my mexican friend is always making fun of my because im a white boy and i cant find anything to say back lol.
im such a lame ***..

Answer 1

1. Aimara, a Mexican maid announced to her Boss Mr Blanco and his wife that she was quitting. When asked why, she replied, "I'm in the family way."
The wife was totally surprised and shocked, and asked who it was.
The maid replied, "Your husband and your son."
Mrs Blanco was mortified and demanded an explanation.
"Well," Aimara explained, "I go to the library to clean it and your husband say, 'You are in the way'. I go to the living room to clean and your son say 'You are in my way'. So I'm in the family way and I quit."

2. This Mexican dude was taking a pee on the side of a building and this Texan sees him. After the Mexican is done the texan asks him, "How come you Mexicans don't wash your hands after you pee?"
The Mexican smiles, "Senior, we Mexicans don't piss in our hands..."

3. Did you hear about the Mexican who threw his wife over a cliff?
When the police officer asked him why he'd done it he said, "Tequila! Tequila!"

4.Why did God give Mexicans noses?
So they'd have something to pick in the off season.

5. There is an American, a German, and a Mexican. They are in all in a boat. The boat is about to sink. Each of them have to throw things out to make the boat lighter.
The German throws out 4 cases of beer and says, "We have a lot of bear in Germany so we don't need these!"
The Mexican throws out 5 cases of burritos and says, "We have a lot of burritos in Mexico so we don't need these!"
The American grabs the Mexican and throws him out.
The German asks why he threw the Mexican out.
And the American replies, "We have a lot of Mexicans in America so we don't need him!."

6. Jose arrives at the Mexican border on his bike with 2 huge bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and asks: "What's in the bags?"
"Senior, It's only sand." replies Jose.
"Sand??? Well, we'll just see about that - get off the bike!"
The guard takes the bags, rips them open, empties them out and finds nothing in them...except sand. Detaining Jose overnight, the sand is analysed, but only to discover it is in fact simply sand.
Jose is released, the sand is put into new bags and placed on Jose's shoulders, and he is let across the border.
Next day, same thing happens. The guard asks: "What you got there?"
"Sand," says Jose.
A thorough examination of the bags again shows there to be nothing but sand, and subsequently Jose is allowed to ride across the border.
For a whole year this continues until one day Jose doesn't show up, and the guard discovers him in a Cantina in Mexico.
"Hey, Bud," says the guard, "I know you're smuggling something. For a year it's driven me crazy. It's all I can think about... I can't get sleep, the kids are getting neglected...heck, even the dog senses I'm beginning to lose it! Between you and me, just what are you smuggling?"
Jose sips his beer, smiles and replies: "Bicycles..."

7. Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him.
The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a 'pinata'?"

8. Q. Why doesnt mexico have a olympic team?
A. Because every mexican that can run, jump, and swim is already across the border!

9. Q: What do you call a Mexican quarterback?
A: El Paso.

10. Q: What do you get when you cross a Mexican and an Iranian?
A: Oil of Ole.

11. Q: What were the 2 Mexican FireFighting Brother's names?
A: Hose A and Hose B

12. Q: What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a German?
A: A Beaner-Schnitzel

Answer 2

There was a Frenchman, Englishman, Mexican and a Texan all in an airplane. The plane was about to crash and the pilot bailed out, leaving only one parachute.

the Frenchman stood up and said " Viva La France" and he jumped out without a parachute.

The Englishman stood up and yelled, " Long live the queen" and jumped put without a parachute.

The Texan stood up and yelled " Remember the Alamo" and he pushed out the Mexican.

- or-

What happens if a Mexican walks into a wall with a hard on?

He breaks his nose

Answer 3

Why doesnt Mexico have a team in the olympics???



Because all the Mexicans that can run, jump, or swim, are already in the United States.

Answer 4

Thats funny!

Answer 5

A Mexican, an Austrailian and an Eskimo are on a plane together. The Austrailian sticks his hand out the window and says "A-ha. We are flying over Austrailia. I know because my arm is hot. So the Eskimo sticks *his* arm out the window and declares. "No, we are flying over Alaska. I know because my arm is cold." So the Mexican decides to settle the arguement by sticking *his* arm out of window. He tells his two international friends "Mis amigos, lo siento, but you are both wrong. We are flying over Mejico. I know, because my watch has been stolen"

Could you adapt this one a bit to suit Mexicans? How come no Cuban athletes ever win at the Olympics? Coz all of them who can jump, run or swim are living in the south of Florida!

Answer 6

What'dya call a Mexican fireman?

Ho-se!

Answer 7

what do you call 2 mexicans playing basket ball

Jaun on Juan

Answer 8

Because I'm latino, I'll give you one.........Why are the steering wheels on lowriders so small?..........So the mexicans can drive with hand cuffs!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

I haven't met any funny Mexicans who could tell me a joke! [?]

What's the name of the Mexican farm worker?

Manual Labour! Ok a bit lame but!!!

Answer 10

yes