my father is getting married in april.My mother only died jan 1 year ago. i don't feel like attending .?

Question

I don't really want to meet her at all.they live interstate,so I have been able to avoid it so far.should I attend the wedding???

He knows I am upset.His feelings are that he looked after mum for 5 years before she died and did his grieving then.He has to think of himself now and cannot cope on his own.In his own words he is free and not doing anything wrong.

he is 71.i do want him to be happy.my problem is how different he is now.he does things with her he never did with mum even before she was sick.

Answer 1

BeeMay:

Yes you should attend the wedding. Men are different than women. They don't cope with loneliness the same way that women can,especially in their later years. Men grieve differently. Widowers die much quicker than widows do. Don't harbor ill feelings for your father or his bride to be. He doesn't love your mother any less, he just NEEDS someone to be in his life. He is not disrespecting your mother. Be happy that he was able to find someone willing to care for him. Attend the wedding so he will know that his loved ones support him and understand what he is feeling. Please trust my opinion. I know how old men think because I am an old man.

Answer 2

As long as they didn't start seeing eachother while your mum was alive, for your dad's sake I'd say you should try and get to know her a little and go from there. I know it's really tough and I'm sorry for your loss, but your not going to the wedding is not going to change anything. If your parents loved eachother (it sounds like they were still together when your mum passed away, so I guess they did), I'm sure your mum would want your dad to be happy. If you really can't deal with it, because the loss is still recent, I'd be honest with your dad and his fiancee and say how you feel. Maybe write them a letter and say it's nothing personal, but you're still grieving and you just can't take that step at the moment, but you look forward to getting to know her in the future and that you hope they'll be happy. Good luck with whatever you decide, and sorry again for your loss.


As for him doing things with her that he didn't with your mum, maybe he's realised that life is short. Losing someone you care about makes you aware of your own mortality. I know this is a tough decision, but nobody likes to be alone. Good luck again. XXX.

Answer 3

Remember, if she is making your dad happy then maybe you could grit and bare it for his sake? You can decide never to talk to her again, but I really encourage you to attend the wedding, he would feel awful if you weren't there.

You need to tell your dad about your feelings about the wedding. It might be easier to meet her informally, either before the wedding or afterwards.

The new girlfriend will definately never replace your mother, and even though it is really tough, I think it will help to meet her. It might take a while to get used to her, but you might find that you actually get along and you may even be able to talk to her about the feelings your having as well.

I would take the risk, and if you don't like her, then that's fine, at least you showed your dad that you support his happyness.

Answer 4

Im verrry sorry for your loss, however, how you deal with your mom's death and how your dad is dealing with it is completely different. you cant replace your mom in one year or even in a lifetime sweetie, but your dad is probably right that he may have tried to have 'let go' during an agnozing and painful time for everyone. doesnt mean he's not honoring her death. he's moving on with life in a healthy manner that only he can understand. if you choose to dislike someone your dad has decided to marry...you'll probably stand in the way of your dad's happiness. Im sure he has suffered enough and youre not done with all the suffering? let it go, let him be happy...surely you dont think he has forgotten his wife? she's there, in his heart and mind. be at peace now and you move on also to a new phase in your life. of course attend the wedding.
be happy that youre dad hasnt succumbed to depression or worse. be glad you still have your dad. make the relationship good happy and lasting. :) peace

Answer 5

my mother passed away in may 2003, my father began dating in sept 2003 i felt it was all happening too soon. While noone can replace my mother, he is still dating this same woman and i have learned to like her. in any other circumstance i would like her so i gave her a chance and she is the sweetest woman in the world.
Although they havent gotten married "yet" i will attend the wedding when and if they do. Its all up to you i suppose. the way i saw it when it made me feel bad, is that my dad is still young and i want him to be happy in life, i dont want him to be alone and he deserves to have someone just like anyone else. does that make sense? im rambling sorry :(. i was 21 when my mom died and in the army so i didnt live at home.

Answer 6

He's 71......he doesn't want to be alone. It's very very common for "elders" to find partners soon after losing one. THEY DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE. Usually it is more of a "friendship" type relationship instead of a infatuated in love relationship. As far as him doing things with her that he didn't do with your mom. It could be his way in his heart at doing it with your mom, especially if he didn't have the chance. Although another woman is there........your mom will be too. He probably took things for granted that your mom and him could do this or that later, and they never did it. I'm sure he doesn't want to make the same mistake twice.

Answer 7

i know its hard to especially your mom died a year ago your dad is still around make the best of it u will kick yourself for not attending and it will hurt your dad and it can put a dent in your father daughter relationship he probuly doesnt want to be alone just do it for your dad not her shes not at fault maybe she really loves your dad and there happy and thats all u should want for your dad iam sure he will never forget your mom the love for her is still there but he needs to be happy again and u will always be part of him in everything and everyway

Answer 8

I know this is hard on you to see your father move on with his life. But yes I feel you should attend the wedding. We only get one set of true parents and how you treat your father will come back and hurt you later in your life. I am sure you miss your mother for I to have lost my mother and I know the empty feeling I have inside. But I really do not think that your Mother would want your father to not move on with his life since she is gone. Try to be happy for your Father that he has found someone to be with for our fathers get lonley also and they should be able to move on with their lives.

Answer 9

i hear this all the time.maybe your dad just wants someone so bad in his life that he went ahead and started to find someone else.just cause he has someone new doesnt mean that he will just forget about ur mom.have u tried talking to him about it?if not then maybe u should.maybe he will think about it a little more.or u guys could understand where each of u are commin from.maybe u should give this girl a try.just meet her,be nice,and who knows u might just hit it off.maybe not fast but u never kno.i think that u should atleast meet her.and talk to ur dad.ur his daughter,he will understand how u feel.hope everything works out for you

Answer 10

I think it would hurt your father very much if you refused to come. Whatever your feelings are towards his soon-to-become new wife, he's still your dad and if you love him, you should go.

If you are not on good terms with your dad, however, then politely decline and don't go.