2007-01-15 19:32:33 · 17 answers · asked by melon_rose 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I always feel bad pushing the matter because she's been chronically ill, out of a job (until about 2 months ago), and has suffered depression/anxiety.
2007-01-15 19:42:08 · update #1
On the flip side, I myself have chronic physical illness, as well as both depression & anxiety. Plus, a week ago, I got laid off from my job... lol. But I still feel bad pushing the matter, b/c of all *her* problems.
2007-01-15 19:43:51 · update #2
to "woodthi32" -- yes, that's the thing that drives me crazy! she HAS spent money on frivolous things! things that i'd never buy for myself b/c they're too expensive! this debt is now two years old. it is $300 and i didn't want to lend it when i did, because i already knew her history with loans. but she begged, and promised to pay me back within a month... so i did it reluctantly. ugh.
2007-01-16 07:44:02 · update #3
Politely remind them that didn't get angry when they asked to borrow it. You loaned it when they needed it and now you need it back. They are hoping to intimidate you so you won't ask for it back. Don't fall for it...keep it up and keep them honest and tell them so and you will remind them every time you see them so have it ready Freddy.
2007-01-15 19:39:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sadly enough, it is likely that the anger is from embarassment at the inability to pay you back. Have you seen this person spend money on other things that were frivolous, money that should have gone to you? Has she struggled from an illness that makes her impulsively spend money?
When you loaned the money, did you ask when or how she would be able to pay it back?
Have you tried to dicuss a "payment plan" for her to pay it back?
Loaning money to people with mental illness is sticky terriroty, especially if they are untreated, volatile and prone to spending.
I don't discount the terrible and awkward situation you are in. It was kind of you to lend the money, but, unfortunately, money is money, and you must have a look at your budget and see how long you can do without it, and always have a plan. An open ended loan is VERY rarely a safe idea.
Is there anything she does, clean house? Babysit? Cook? Perhaps if these are areas in which you spend time/money, it would be worth it to you to barter for her services in some way.
You may be surprised at her relief when some plan is discovered that is workable for both of you and what communication about it will do to heal the relationship.
Best of luck to you:)
2007-01-16 00:55:29 · answer #2 · answered by woodthi32 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Small claims court. Talk to a local lawyer that does free consultations. Or, at least tell the family member that you have done so. That may scare them into working out a re-payment plan with you. Be willing to take back the sum of money not as a whole but in payments. If they borrowed $100 from you, be willing to take it back in $20 payments per month, etc. Only charge "interest" if they forget to make a "payment." Have this agreement made into a legal contract with the help of this lawyer. Ditto on reminding them of your willingness to help in their time of need. Don't lend money to family/friends anymore without having a legal document.
2007-01-16 01:00:35 · answer #3 · answered by GLSigma3 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, I think you're pretty much going to have to eat the loss. Never loan money to a close friend or a family member unless you are willing to never see it again. I don't know why family members so often welch on their debts, but it's a fact of life that they do, and that getting your money back will almost always be more difficult than it is worth, in terms of stress to your relationship. Tough advice to hear, and I know it sucks, but lesson learned, I guess.
2007-01-16 00:46:24 · answer #4 · answered by Danielle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Too late to tell you this but!!!
Never loan money to family members, especially if it is a large some of money.
They immediately do a brain switch which convinces them that it was a gift and you can afford it anyways or you wouldn't have given it....Right?
What to do now is to be very loud about it, tell everybody in the family, their friends that you cant afford to lose this money and that you need it back "NOW"
They already hate your guts for daring to ask for your "gift" back, so you have nothing to loose. Blast them at family get togethers, blast them behind their backs.
They are the thieves, not you.
If you have signed paper, as a last resort pass it to a collection agency.
2007-01-15 19:49:21 · answer #5 · answered by robbie 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Rule number one is never loan money to family but if you have and they get angry politely explain that when they needed you to help them you were there and now you are in need of the returned favor. Maybe if you approach it like they would be helping you out they will not feel like you are hounding them and they won't feel like a ‘bum' for not having paid you back yet. They may be able to give you most of it and work out a plan for the rest. Good Luck.
2007-01-16 04:51:10 · answer #6 · answered by C D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They not only stuck us for $5,000.00 but my brother & his wife, too. This was money $$ to save their house from going into foreclosure. Well, this never happened either. They lost their house, anyway. So where did all this money go? We'll never know, because they never have communicated with us or my brother. I know we have "sucker" written on forehead when it comes to this family. They are really poor money managers but we took a chance and made this bad decision. I couldn't sleep at night if I did this to someone. Let me rephrase that: I WOULDN'T do this to anyone else - I have a conscience.
2014-03-27 23:06:41 · answer #7 · answered by emj66 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Consider forgiving the debt. It is family, and it might be worth that amount of money just to be done with the whole situation and keep smooth relations among the family members. In the future, perhaps giving is better than lending.
2007-01-15 19:41:48 · answer #8 · answered by drshorty 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I would and have told my relative, I am really confused at your anger toward me. I loaned you the money based on good faith that you would keep your word and pay it back. It is apparent you do not choose to keep your word. Therefore, remember this next time you need money, This Bank is Closed due to non-payment of past debts.
2007-01-16 12:39:45 · answer #9 · answered by Ren 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's painful to say this, as it reminds me of positions I've been in, but sometimes you just have to walk away from the loss, admit to yourself that you've made a big mistake trusting this person, and make a vow to yourself never to lend them money again.
2007-01-16 02:19:31 · answer #10 · answered by Cronion 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
File a small claims civil case against the jerk, or jerkette.Its obvious that they are a deadbeat, just make sure that you can prove your case. It cannot be simply that its your word against theirs. Next time that you loan anyone money, no matter whom it may be, get a promissary note, and make sure that you have it notarized. This way, if the act as though they have amnesia, you have it documented.
2007-01-15 19:40:26 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋