Maybe I'm just stupid?

Question

Okay, I'm 27 and I'm not new to the whole "dating scene", but I find it hard to introduce myself to women. To be completely honest, most women I've dated, I have met on the internet. No, it hasn't been the long distant type, it's usually someone local I meet in a chat room.

Here's the problem:

See, there's this girl that works at the gas station I stop at every night, and over the past few weeks, I've noticed that she's absolutely beautiful and intelligent. We always strike up casual conversation about the weather, work, and other minor stuff. I probably just suffer from fear of rejection, but whenever I meet an attractive girl, I always have had problems taking the conversation to the next step. I'm never quite sure how to go about asking for her number or even just giving her mine.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get over my fear? I know that I lack something in the confidence area, but I just want to know how to get over this.

Answer 1

The silver lining in this cloud is that whatever happens.... if she does reject you or already has a bf, you can just stop going to that gas station. But let's not focus on that.....

If I were in your situation, I would simply ask her next time I'm there, "Hey, wanna go out sometime?" Because of the nature of your relationship with her (customer to employee), I would not advise buying her presents or slipping her your number. Both of those would seem a little too strange and could creep her out. I know that coming right out and asking her if she wants to do stuff may be strange too, but it's not as scary or cheesy as the other 2.

As for the more important issue.... let's step away from this single situation and talk about dating in general. I know it is easier online to approach women because it is not face to face. However, the only way for you to really get over that fear is to go out there and meet women. No cheesy pick up lines, and no jumping the gun..... keep it casual.... talk about stuff..... like if you meet a girl at a bar, don't start with a line. Start with "Hi, how are you?" or "How was your day?" and go from there. Don't let the conversation revolve too much around her or you..... but if it needs to be, make sure it is more about her rather than about you. And if it gets to that point where there is an awkward pause, try to divert the conversation..... like if her drink is almost empty, ask if she would like another one.

But before I write a novel on here, best of luck with the gas-station girl..... I'm pulling for ya over here!!! :-D

Answer 2

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Answer 3

How to get her number? I'm going to share with you how guys asked me for my number, maybe that will give you ideas.

It seems to be much easier if you are already friends, then you can simply ask her casually whilst within a conversation, "may I have your number?", and have your mobile in your hand. As long as you first had to do something with your mobile, then ask her this question, it would not be an abrupt thing to ask. She will likely give you her mobile number. If she asks why, you can mention that you would like to invite her out. Once she gives it to you, you can give that number a call on the spot - this makes sure it is her number, and also gives her your number at the same time.

Another experience I had was to be asked for my business card, after an initial conversation which included "so where do you work? what do you do? etc...". but I guess a woman who works at the gas station probably does not have a business card, and also a business card only tells you their work number and work email usually. Occasionally you will get the mobile number from a business card.

I've also had guys who asked me naturally for my number because they needed to call me for some very good reason - either to get help from me or to arrange something together, like, arrange for a farewell party for a mutual friend.

Now, about getting over your fear...
First, realise that she would be flattered if you indicated your interest. Most girls would not refuse nice sincere guys who are non-threatening, especially for simple requests like a phone number or to coffee. Just don't be over-bearing initially, as I'm sure you would know.
Secondly, even if she does not want to date you, you are better off finding out sooner than half wasting your time.

Good luck! Email me if you want to chat further on this.

Answer 4

Lots of guys have been in similar situations. I think you know what you have to do, and what everyone else will tell you to do... You gotta just ask her out! Do it just like you would online. When you pay or are doing your small talk, just ask her if she's up for doing something this weekend. It's that simple. It will be the longest 2 seconds of your life, but at least you'll be done with it and you'll know that you actually have testicles. The real fun begins when she gives you her number and then you have to worry about if it's REALLY her number, and what you'll talk about when you call her. Asking her out's the easy part, so you better get on with it.. (and be prepared to buy gas elsewhere after she rejects you! ha)

Answer 5

As a singer I suggest that you accept the fact that you have to do what you have to do. Most people don't do things because they don't 'want to feel the feeling they feel when they do it' but if you don't tolerate the feeling, you'll never get it done. Ask her if you may her number to call to her and if she says "no" then you can just get your gas somewhere else. It's just a "feeling" not necessarily a 'condition'. I shake like jelly on a city bus 'after' I get through singing but have accepted that it goes with the territory. And I've been singing for 20 years.

Answer 6

K, you have to start somewhere... perhaps the next time round u see her just pass her your number and ask her to give a call if she is free. make it all sound casual. Dun worry too much about the rejection factor, actually thats the sole reason as to why you hesitate to get to know her better. if she doesnt call u, or doesnt take ure number dun take it too hard and just move on.. at least u tried and failed. :) all the best!

Answer 7

Depends on how much you like going to your local gas station If you asks and she rejects you...it will keep embarrassing you each time you go in. Anyway...just ask her out for dinner while you pay for your gas. Its not the end of the world if she says no.

Answer 8

Plan it in steps. Give it three weeks. Each week step things up a little more so that she will recognize what you are doing and if she isn't interested she can indirectly let you know that. If all goes well then take a deep breath and ask her out.

Answer 9

Have you tried to ask her to go out for coffee after she gets off work? I presume that she has a name tag, so you already know her name. And you could always tell her that you are a little on the shy side, and would she mind if.....you gave her your number and she could call you to go for a drink or coffee sometime. Let her have the option of calling you first, and giving you her number after you offer her your number.

Answer 10

Ok, some people might think differently, but i think you should ask her out to dinner or the movies, because she would have to say no or yes. Then if she says yes then give her your number(peferably ask for hers so that you call her, some girls don't like to call guys cause they think it's wierd or uncomfortable). After that call her and make arrangements.