Child Birthday Party Etiquette - Does he have to attend???

Question

My (son) kindergartner was invited to a classmates birthday party. - A little girl. The party is at her house. I don't know this girl or her parents. The entire class is invited. We received the invitation VERY last minute (5 days before the party). My son doesn't seem very excited about the party - I guess because it's a girl's party and not one of the "guys". I'm also assuming that this will be a drop off pick up party since the children are all five and six years old. I'm uncomfotable leaving my son at someone's house that I don't know. But on the other hand, if I can stay (I'll find out when I RSVP), should I make my son go because he was invited. I'd hate for him to be the only boy at a little girls party even though all the boys were invited. And I'd feel horrible for the girl if over half the class (the boys) don't go to her party.....
What would you do?

Answer 1

When you go to RSVP ask if you can stay and ask if their are other boys attending most likely there will be and if your son doesn't want to go don't make him becuase he'll just throw a fit when he gets there anyways

Answer 2

I was faced with this EXACT situation, same age and everything a few weeks ago. Don't worry about it so much.
An invitation is not an obligation to attend. The only obligation is to bring a gift if you do and to RSVP in a timely manner. Likely this person was just following good etiquette in inviting all children in the class, and trying not to leave just aquaintances of the girl out. They will not be offended.

If you are interested in how I handled it, I RSVP'd for the party, said that my son would not be able to attend, but thank you so much for the invitation. Since I was BLESSED with encountering answering machine, I said we would be happy to have the little girl over after school one day next week (it limits your time and gives you an oportunity to meet the parents) and to please call if they were ever interested. It politely puts the ball back in their court, so you know if they are really interested in the two being friends or if it was just an "etiquette invite". Chances are, as in my case, they will not reciprocate as they have a kindergartener too, are busy and were just being polite issuing an invitation to the whole class.

I never addressed whether I would stay at the party, because it was mentioned on the invitation that "parents could use that time to get some Christmas shopping done." politely letting me know that parents weren't part of the plan. Sounds like your son is not interested in going anyway, and if he does, you have to buy a gift. AND, even if they didn't mention it, which they SHOULD have, you technically shouldn't invite yourself to the party, I THINK, at this age.

Politely turning them down is perfectly acceptable. An additional invite to reciprocate is nice (especially if you are worried about hte little girl getting her feelings hurt), but not obligatory. You might meet a nice new friend:)

In short, no, I would not make him go if he was simply uninterested, unless it was a family friend, a close friend of his or the child had attended his party.

Answer 3

I think you need to consider the little girl whose party it is. She invited her classmates because she either wanted them all there, or her mother told her the whole class needed to receive invtes, That right there gives me a good feeling about the mother. Is this YOUR oldest child? It sounds like YOU are having some separation problems. Your child should attend, and I don't think you should impose on the mother to allow you to stay for the party, You'll be in the way, since she will have her attention on the children. If you REALLY feel you can't let your child attend on his own, you may ask the birthday child's mother if she needs any extra help when you RSVP. If she says no, drop your child off with a gift and enjoy the couple hours break. Pick up your child up before the end time so he won't get worried. No kid wants to be the last one picked up.

At that age, my son was the only boy invited to one of the his girl classmates party, he went and had a wonderful time, and never noticed he was the only boy.

Answer 4

First and foremost, you are under no obligation to put your child into a situation neither he nor you are comfortable with. As his parent you have every right to refuse the invitation. Maybe before you make a definate decision, you should call around and ask if any of his friends are going. If they are you could possibly pose it to him, that his buddies are going to be there, maybe it won't be so horrid after all? You do have a right to ask if you can stay, and if you can't, do have the right to ask why not. You can ask the parents who is already coming, what the party will entail, and how long it will be. Just remember, YOU are his parent, and he is YOUR son, you have a right to find out as much as possible about any social function he attends, or even doesn't attend. It's probably best that as a young child you start doing this with him, so he is used to you wanting to be an informed parent when he's older.

Answer 5

Many schools require that if a child passes out invitations to a party at the school, that all children be invited to the party. Even if this is not the "rule," many parents still feel that it is rude for their child to pass out invitations at school only to their select friends. I don't feel that there is any obligation to participate in the party. If you feel that you should, then get a small gift for the birthday girl and allow your child to either take it to school on the day before the party or take it to the teacher to give to the girl for her party. But if you do this, you'll start a precedent and need to bring gifts for each birthday in the class (or at least each invitation). If your son's not really interested in the party, I'd say just let this one pass...

Answer 6

Considering how the invitation was last minute, it wouldn't be rude not to show because you could have easily planned something else that day. If you don't know this little girl or her parents, then what's the purpose in your RSVP? You don't know them and even though it was nice of them to invite your son, the truth of the matter is you don't know what environment your taking your son to or to participate in. What to bring her for a gift? or What type of theme or activities will be happening at this party? Of course, it's up to you, but considering how she invited everyone in the class, just states she didn't want to exclude anyone, or wanted a lot of gifts for her child, and that is not necessary. Think of what you would do. I for one would only invite my family and friends of my child that I know, along with the parents of those friends whom I know. But then again, with you questioning this, states you would have done it much differently, as it would be more appropriate. Good luck and be Safe...(smiles)

Answer 7

maybe the girl's parents made her invite all of the class.

and maybe your son and the gorl just do not get along well.
maybe you should ask your kid what he wants to do.
and i cannot imagine anyone that would throw a kindergarden party and not allow (or demand) that parents stay at the party.

if nothing else it is a good chance to pbserve your son in a social situation and see how well he handles different situations. it may even help him to make friends and you may make friends of the girl's family.

i would say that if you have the time that you should make an atempt to go even if you tell them that you can only stay for an hour or so.

if you tell them up front that you have plans that day, but you will drop in for an hour, then at least if you hate everything about it, you are not stuck there all day. and you have a previous excuese.
and if you and your kid are having a great time, you can always make the "fake "cell phone call home to tell them that you will be late.

Answer 8

You are not obligated to go or have your son attend. Some folks give invitations to everyone so no ones feelings are hurt and they don't expect everyone to attend - escpecially at this time of year when it will likely be an indoor party. I mean, would you want 20 5-6 yr olds in your house without their parents?

If you were friends with the mother or he was psyched about the party, that would be one thing, but it seems it was a polite invitation and you are not obligated to go, send a gift or invite this child to your kid's party.

Peace!

Answer 9

You're the mom and bottom line - if you don't feel comfortable leaving your child with a mom you don't know - that is totally legit. Just RSVP and don't go - all of those other concerns are less important. I don't think you should make your son go if he doesn't want to. Sometimes, when people throw these parties - their heart is in the right place - but they are not thinking things through very well and how it will give other people challenges. Just don't go - especially if your boy doesn't know her and doesn't want to. I mean if it's a relative - different story.

Answer 10

Call and ask does the mom want any help keeping an eye on the kids. Or do you know other moms in the class with boys that are going?? Is there going to be a class party? Or drop off a gift card or gift after school one day and be done with it.

Answer 11

I disagree with what you did, sorry. To be honest they were invited guests to the party whether they wanted to participate in the games/fun or not. If one of the 5 year old guests was too scared to participate would they have been unable to eat a cupcake or have a treat bag?? Also, what exactly was the bad behaviour? While it would have been nice if the older kids wanted to play with the younger kids not being interested in what your younger sibling is doing at a birthday party doesn't seem like rude behaviour to me. If you knew older children were going to be there maybe you should have arranged some other activity for them so they wouldn't feel forced to play with their (and I think an 8 year old would have looked at it this way) "baby brother/sister". Anyhow it doesn't seem reasonable to me to expect an 8 year old to understand that a party with games for a 5 year old would be interesting to them or reasonable for adults to expect 8 year olds to just put a smile on their faces and play along. That's what adults do, not children. I think your expectation of these children was too high and inviting them only to exclude them from the cupcakes and treats was not cool and definitely not a good example to be setting.