is this abuse?

Question

i grew up with a troubled brother, he's not slow, he's very intelligent and manipulative but has several mental disabilities, when things don't go his way he loses his mind and goes into completly illogical tyraids, and attacks either my parents or me. for example he's an obsessive eater and he NEEDS to choose the resteraunt we eat at and if i were to sugest another resteruant, he'd throw me up against the wall,dangle me by my wrists and tell me things like "you'r a f'n wh0re and i'm going to put you in your place," or he would just say nasty things like "your the kind of girl that men *** and trash and no one will ever love a little wh0re like you". he'd make comments about me having big t1ts and he'd grab at them when i wasn't paying attention. i never considered it abuse because i thought it was just sibling rivalry and he never broke my bones or anything, the worst thing he ever physically did was knock me over the head a few times and i was out for a second. is this abuse?

Answer 1

That is mental, physical and sexual abuse. You should have a serious talk with your parents about all of this and if they don't do something you should talk to another adult that you trust. You don't deserve this, I'm sure you are a very nice young lady. This is far from sibling rivalry. If you need to talk you can email me. :o)

Answer 2

OMG... absolutely.. this is ABUSE!!!!!!!.
He does not have an anger problem, or a mental problem... he has a "VIOLENCE" problem.
What he has done, or is doing, to you is sexual and physical abuse.
Not to mention mental/psychological abuse.
No matter what his motives are... whether it is to get his way when choosing a restaurant or keeping you at his mercy... it is still abuse and control.
Unliess he has a diagnosable major mental illness like schizophrenia where he does not know right from wrong, he is 100% resposible for his actions and shouldn't be allowed to hide behind the idea that he doesn't have to be responsible.
On a side note.... you might want to think about putting as much distance between you and he as humanly possible. My guess is that he choses you because you are there and feeling helpless and intimidated by him. Take control of the situation.
If you are under age and have no alternatives about where you live, talk to your parents and let them know "exactly" what he is doing to you.
You sure as heck deserve to be protected from that kind of crap.
One last thing... no matter what he (or anyone else) says... this is not your fault....
But don't be a victim.. be a survivor...
Chin up kiddo.

Answer 3

YES, YES, YES. The problem is that without a proper role model, such as a healthy brother, you considered this normal. I have six brothers and it is neither normal or right for anyone to make unwanted sexual advances. From what you've written, verbal abuse is also involved. I would never, ever allow my brother to knock me unconscious and not make sure that someone knew.

I realize that you may be afraid of him and maybe you feel bad for him because he's disabled, but that doesn't mean you should not immediately inform an adult. If your parents are also afraid of him in some ways and let him manipulate them, you should tell someone outside the family. In fact, if telling your parents doesn't help, you have to tell someone else, even if it makes you feel guilty. Your brother needs help and so do you. He won't get help if everyone pretends that this problem doesn't exist.

Yes, this is abuse. And you must, must tell someone other than the people on Yahoo! Questions.

Answer 4

Absolutely. You are unsafe in your own home. Your brother has a very severe disability and your parents cannot close their eyes to the fact that you, as well as they, are in danger. Please have a serious talk with them about your fears. If their judgment is clouded by love for your brother, then you need to get help from someone else. Try the school guidance counselor or speak to an adult you trust. Do you have an extended family? I know you may feel guilty going for help elsewhere but it may be the only way to guarantee your safety. Please speak to your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, a trusted teacher, someone who may be able to help you.

You do not deserve to have to go through this. Your brother is severely mentally ill and unstable. He needs a great deal of help - and it sounds as if he is a danger to himself and everyone else. Call 1-800-422-4453 if this continues and you cannot receive help from your family. Sibling abuse is awfully scary and so easily explained away with the term 'rivalry'. Remember, it is NOT your fault. Sometimes it is very difficult for a parent to admit what is going on right in front of their eyes when it comes to their own children. Sibling abuse is one of the most 'accepted' forms of domestic violence because children and parents are often afraid of reporting it. Perpetrators like your brother are often too 'protected' by the immediate family and thus cannot receive the help they truly need. For you and your brother, call an abuse hotline and speak to people you trust. Again, the number is 1-800-422-4453 (1-800-4-A-CHILD). And always know, Lindsay, that there are people who care. You've met some here. Don't be afraid - this is a matter of saving your own life in many ways.

Answer 5

yer kidding right? knock you out a few times?

If you are a child, then tell a teacher or someone you trust... you are not being protected and this situation is only going to escalate

If you are an adult, get clear of this brute. Don't hang with him. Don't eat meals with him. Report him if he assaults you (does any of the things you describe above). Your parents are not responding. They are responsible for themselves.

I have my hunches about intrafamilial violence... but I'll just stop here. Get away from this situation and start a new life away from this dangerous and abusive man.

Answer 6

To me psychological abuse is worse than actual abuse.With actual abuse yours harm's are healed in a short quantity of time,yet regrettably with psychological abuse your harm's can some years to heal.

Answer 7

Is he medicated? this is definitely abuse and not something you should be having to live with, if he has been diagnosed with having mental illnesses then maybe your parents should put him in a mental health institution until they have found a medication to calm his behavior or have another talk to his doctor.
This sounds way out of hand grabbing your chest is not sibling rivalry at all it's very serious.
Talk to your parents non of you should be having to deal with this, surely your doctor will have a solution.

Answer 8

Yes, he sounds very abusive (and troubled) and I'm so sorry you have to deal with something like this everyday.

I had an older cousin who acted a lot like the person you described. Thankfully I only saw him for a few weeks every summer, but it was still very miserable.

It sounds like the whole family needs counseling. The brother, for his obvious disturbances. And both you and your parents, for having the stress of living with him.

Answer 9

YES!!!!!!!!!!!! Your family needs to seek advice from a licensed psychiatrist since you brother does have some sort of mental disability. But just because he has problems, it does NOT make that behavior OK!!! Your family needs to figure out what is acceptable verbally and physically and how to control your brother!

Answer 10

Lind: Absolutely - YES ! In spite of your bros mental handicap, I gather, by what you stated in your posting, that he has learned to get his way by uttering threats or by simple bullying. He has to be made aware that this type of behavior is not going to be tolerated. This misbehavior of his is a learned behavior and he has to be held accountable for it. What will happen next to you, Lindsay, perhaps a pipe wrench across the skull or a push through a plate glass window ? He is also, sexually assaulting you by grabbing your boobs - do not tolerate this or he will destroy you emotionally . You might do yourself justice by talking to his Dr. or some other expert in the field. Good luck to you, Linds !!!