How do you deal with a mother-in-law from mars?

Question

I am married to my second husband, whom I love dearly. I have children from my 1st marriage and he has children from his 1st as well. My Mother-in-law favors his children dramitacly over mine. We have approached her and she gets very defensive. She told my husband how could she love my children like she does his, after only knowing them a few years. She makes it very obvious to our children as well. I am pregnant with "our" second child together. When we had an ultrasound she didn't want to know the sex, because my husband had said he would like it to be a surprise. That made me feel like I was un-important. After all, I'm only carrying the child. I can't shange her thoughts or actions, but how can I live with this on a daily basics? Please help. All advise would be helpfull!

Answer 1

first of all. congratulations for ur new addition to the family. it is really sad that ur MIL favours ur hubby's kids more. perhaps she loves them more coz they are infact her own blood. so she thinks it is natural to have a soft corner for them.. that does not justify her favouritism in any way. it is wrong on her part to show favoritism. it may take some time for her to accept urkids too. Calmly but firmly you should resist her actions.pateince and love is all u need to solve this problem. tell ur kids that grandma loves them and is just taking her own time to know them better so that she can love them better. on ur part, u can perhaps talk to ur MIL. tell her that u and ur kids love her very much and that u would like her to be a part of ur kids' lives tooand that through her actions she is only making her son's family life more difficult. you could have chosen to ignore the kids from ur hubby's first marriage, but u didnt.instead u love them like ur own kids. so it is only natural for u to expect ur MIL to love ur kid on equal terms. afterall evry kid needs a grandma to tell them stories and to play with them. try to get ur hubby's help in this matter. sometimes. he can talk to ur MILabt the problem.as u said, at this age of hers you may not be able to change her thoughts and actions. but you can change ur thoughts, right. u can even adjust urselves to her thoughts,right?. u can let her actions not affect u or ur kids in any manner. when she behaves like a MIL from Mars, u behave lke the godsend DIL from Venus. as for the sex of the child, u should talk abt it to ur husband. tell him that it made u feel unimportant. perhaps the most important thing to understand is that u should not allow this to eat into ur mind, especially when u r pregnant with ur child. mental tension is the last thing u need now. who knows, this child may bridge the gap between u and ur MIL. time, patience and love is all u need to solve the problem. Wishing u wonderful days ahead.

Answer 2

I know how it is. My husband has 2 children from his 1st marriage and I have 1. Although we never had any together, the MIL has always ridiculed my daughter. She is rude and says things to hurt me, I finally told her how I felt and it wasn't nice. I know she want ever like me or my daughter, but she does know where I stand. By the way, Our children are 22, 22 and 20. She still sticks her nose in about her grand kids.

Answer 3

For starters, your husband must NOT be permitting his mom to regard you poorly or disrespect you. UNLESS, it's the specific disorder inflicting this conduct, then alas she will most likely now not manipulate her movements and won't even notice what she is doing. If it isn’t nevertheless impairing her judgement, your husband demands to guy up and look after you and quit making excuses for his mom. As for the mobile difficulty. I recommend getting your possess phone mobile plan once more. You can get an character plan particularly affordable that involves limitless texting. Make certain it's the equal supplier as your husband as this may occasionally maintain your speakme whilst he's at paintings unfastened. This additionally way your MIL now not has manipulate over your mobile utilization. After getting your plan present in your husband to make it a loved ones plan for simply the pair of you. That method there may also be most likely NO parental manipulate over your mobile. Also, do not forget your hormones are jogging somewhat prime so you're most likely somewhat overly emotional and possibly slightly extra reactive correct now. Try to maintain your self as strain unfastened as viable for your self And your youngster.

Answer 4

Avoid seeing her and deal with your husband. Her point of view - knowing your children less time - does not make any sense. You also know his children less time, and your husband yours. But I guess you want to educate them the same with the same amount of love. Try to explain this MIL stupid idea to your partner. He has to deal with his mother, not you. And for the rest, pretend she 's air.

Good luck. I tend to let my MIL say everything twice, bothers her a lot. A few times, "I'm sorry, I wasn't following..." or a basic "Eeeeuuh, can you repeat that please?" Always gentle with a smile but so sure annoying. My tiny little revanche.

Answer 5

Thankfully you have generations and generations of warnings that your relationship with your mother-in-law just may be tumultuous. I pretty much thought that things would be different but later found out that I was deluding myself. I learned how to deal. Regardless of how she feels about my children or myself I realized in years what would've saved me alot of headaches if I had simply accepted the fact that I married my husband and raised a family and have my own family and friends that give me the support I need. My mother-in-law has issues and as long as I stay away from her I don't have to be apart of it. It's simply not healthy nor beneficial at all. My children chose love and to simply not deal with her crap even after I continued to try to get them to call or go see her knowing she would blame me for their not wanting to. Now we are all happier and just regret that she is the way she is. I suggest the same for you. Realize that you don't need her money or traditions or babysitting benefits, you can make it on your own-fo' reals. If she calls just be cordial and hurry and hand the phone to your husband. I call it treating her the way she wants to be treated that way she won't get as nasty to you or your children.

Answer 6

You and your husband have to band together and not let your mother-in-law ruin your marriage through the children. The way I handled my mother - in - law - problem, was to talk to the children of my first marriage and make them understand, that, she( the step-grandmother) was not related to them in any way so if she was nasty or mean to them, just ignore it, but not to be disrespectful to her in any way. Just avoid her as much as is possible, but I suppose this would not be possible if she is living with you.

Answer 7

The bad news is you can't change her behaviour.
The good news is you don't have to live with it.
Your husband (not you, this is for him to sort out) needs to tell her in no uncertain terms that either she starts respecting you as his wife, or there will be no more contact with anyone in your family.
If he is unwilling to stand up for the woman he chose to spend his life with, you might want to consider sending him home to mommie.

Answer 8

With respect, without losing your dignity. Show her that you respect her, but don't mess with you. Be fair on the childrens and soon enough she will be fair too, don't worry, just be persistant. And she will know.

Answer 9

Man, Women's problems are, like, impossible to solve. You can't solve that! that's not possible!. i say peach pie in the face and a kick in the a ss ought to do it.