What's the real deal with him?

Question

When we were just dating me and my boyfriend had what I thought was a very laid back relationship. Almost too laid back. To me, he was never interested about my comings or goings. I took that as him being very secure with himself and our relationship. Sometimes his non-chalantness about everything concerning our relationship bothered me. He just seemed like he didn't care one way or the other. Come to find out he didn't have all his eggs in one basket (with me) he was seeing going back and forth between me and someone that went way back into his past. I put my foot down and gave him an ultimatum. Now we are married. Now he seems to care only in a slick, sneaky kind of way. For example I know he rides past my sister's house when I am over there, tries to make sure I'm going to work by asking me to do things for him while I am there ect. What's the real deal? When I think we are getting super close now that we are married he seems to always get quiet and non-communitive.

Answer 1

Okay I KNOW this isn't what you are going to want to hear. But I have to tell you because I have been with a man that was cheating on a woman (and I DIDN'T KNOW IT!!!) Anyways when I did find out that he had a longterm gf (over 4 years) I began to put things together. He never gave me any "signs of a cheater" like the typical man, (or I would have realized it long b4 I did) BUT he did do some odd things. Such as he would avoid certain streets at certain times of the day, and I began to notice this, because he would take really odd routes to go places when it was more obvious to go another way, and would get upset when I would get on him about it.
Come to find out, after I discovered he had another gf, that the reason he did this was because his gf lived on a street VERY near me, Worked on a main street in our city, AND had a sister living another street he often avoided. When her and I got a chance to talk I could have smacked myself upside the head for not questioning his odd driving behaviours more!!!
Basically the main thing about a cheater (at least a good one) is that he wants to know where YOU are at all times, so he can avoid being seen and not get caught.
I'm not saying that is what he is doing, but it sounds like a HUGE RED flag to me!!! And then as we all know being quiet and non-communicative is a sign that he is, at the very least, talking to someone else.
Now when I couple all this with the idea that he was unfaithful in the past, it doesn't look good at all.
Just remember though, YOU deserve to be happy. I can't tell you "for sure" wether or not that man is cheating on you. Only way you will know is if you catch him. But regardless, if he isn't treating you the way you want, have a talk with him about it. If he continuously ignores your attempts to let him know how you feel, and doesn't change his behaviour. Just Get Out! If he doesn't care enough to work out these problems, or go to counseling with you, then He's not worth it! (And that goes for anyone that ignores your feelings or treats you badly)

Answer 2

Unfortunately, by giving him an ultimatum the first time around, although you are now married, it didn't really address the problem. There seems to be a huge problem with trust in this relationship, and sooner or later its going to come to a head. Maybe you could go for a holiday, or weekend away together, where it's just you two, and sit down and have a talk about things. If you still feel that there are trust issues, find a marriage cousellor who can work with both of you to get at the real issues. Whether or not he's cheating, that's not the real issue here. Maybe he feels trapped in the relationship. Whatever it is, you both need some help in finding out what the real issues are for the sake of your relationship.

Answer 3

It sounds to me like a guilty mind is at work here........driving past your sister's house, checking up on your whereabouts....like you'll do the same to him that he did to you. Perhaps he is afraid to express his thoughts because you'll throw his past affair back in his face. Either way, sit the man down and get this into the open. If he won't talk put your foot down and deliver the "we either get couples therapy now or else" ultimatum.