Last week, a friend of mine that I hadn't seen for a very long time had plans with me. However, she had to cancel at the last minute because she was sick.
I knew that my best guy friend (and quasi-boyfriend), who I typically spend Friday nights with, was still free for the night. So I called him up and asked if he wanted to do something. He agreed at the time, and his mom was a bit rude to me when about how she had to "carpool so late" because of me. He didn't say anything though.
Last night, I tried to make plans with him again, but all of a sudden I hear his mom screaming in the background "I'M NOT CARPOOLING TONIGHT JUST BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO!" Then he hung up.
I asked him about what the hell had happened today, and after sidestepping around it, the reason his mom--and he--were upset was because I'd used him as a "last resort" the week before.
Is there something wrong with making new plans if other plans fall through?
2007-01-15 15:54:33 · 18 answers · asked by Andre@ L 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
On the carpool thing:
Yes, his mom does need to drive--but only ONE way! My mom drives the other way, and typically she's the one who gets stuck with the late shift, too.
2007-01-15 16:10:12 · update #1
Oh, last thing. We're not little kids, we're both 16. You just have to be 17 in my area to get a driver's license.
2007-01-16 08:38:11 · update #2
That doesn't excuse the fact that you did do it.
2007-01-15 15:59:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
That young man needs to look up the definition to NO. If carpooling wasn't an option for Mom then he says no to the last minute request.
I'd be looking for more info and be prepared for more sidestepping. May be time to move along.
2007-01-15 16:07:24 · answer #2 · answered by patty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm...sounds like his mother is a little uptight about the situation. I never had to deal with this before my driver's license, as my parents or the parents of friends always seemed pretty congenial about working out arrangements to get together. Perhaps, knowing how your friend's mother is about this, your mother could do the driving both ways a time or two? I know this would be an inconvenience to her, but at least if she turned you down she would likely do so in a much nicer way.
2007-01-16 00:50:34 · answer #3 · answered by JenV 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see nothing wrong with that.You did not use him at the last resort,your plans fell through so you ask if he wanted to do something....Using someone as the last resort would mean you called everybody and they all turned you down and didnt call him because you had rather not go with him ,but just to keep from staying home you settled for him,now thats what using somebody as a last resort..means..What you did was acceptable....
2007-01-15 17:58:07 · answer #4 · answered by slickcut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If his mother didn't want to drive the first night (the night your friend cancelled), she should have told her son she wasn't up for it. You said, "Last night, I tried to make plans with him again..."
I think you should let him initiate the plans for a change, so that he doesn't have to put his mother in the position of having to carpool when she'd rather not. And like I said, I think you should let him show his interest in you by giving him the opportunity to call you, instead of the other way around.
2007-01-15 16:29:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well if you make plans at the last minute you need to think about more than just yourself. You obviously didn't think of how it was going to inconvenience his mom having to drive you around. Just because you are bored that doesn't mean everyone should bow before you and do what you want.
2007-01-15 16:09:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No there is nothing wrong with making last minute plans (as a one-off)....however if he has to rely on his mum for transport....then you arent asking him...you are asking his mum for help...without even asking her!
So yes its rude as she might have plans herself or want to relax with a drink (cant drink and drive). Parents chauffeur kids around enough with out you adding to her burden.....give her a few days notice and she'll be fine with organising herself I would think. We parents do like to think our kids are happy and not used as an afterthought....once is ok but thats where the buck stops.
2007-01-15 16:08:22 · answer #7 · answered by Scully 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
since he's your 'kinda boyfriend' maybe he was jealous you didn't invite him, or maybe he had planned to invite you before the friend.
you shouldn't tell someone your plans changed and that's wht you're calling them. nobody wants to be the fall back plan or last resort date.
he must have told his mom he felt like that about it or she wouldn't have said that.
there's nothing wrong with changing plans, just don't offend your friends doing so. maybe you can make it up to him by planning ahead for this weekend, letting him pick the movie or place.
2007-01-15 17:14:26 · answer #8 · answered by Jenna 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it may have come off the wrong way,
be sure to make plans with him a few days in advance next time
so he doesnt feel like a last resort
2007-01-15 16:03:01 · answer #9 · answered by Golden Slumbers 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No. As long as the person that was the "last resort" doesn't mind. But when you don't have a driver's license and someone else is inconvienenced, its their right to say no.
2007-01-15 15:59:25 · answer #10 · answered by s 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I do not think that you were WRONG in calling your bf, just keep in mind that your AND his mom also have their own lives and would like to be able to plan when they will be required to play taxi driver.
Be patient with us oldies.
2007-01-15 16:47:49 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋