I don't understand why my 13 year old daughter does this?

Question

My daughter has a few pairs of blue jean shorts that she always wears. She changes them every day though-she has like 5 pairs of the same kind. She wears them all the time. I mean ALL the time, except for when she is taking a shower. She even wears them underneath jeans and skirts whenever we go out places. I discovered this two months ago and I asked her about it. She was embarrassed and she said that she didn't know why she did it but she felt naked when she didn't have them on. I made her go to school without wearing them underneath her jeans once and it drove her crazy she said she felt uncomfortable all day. I've never heard of this issue before. I've talked to friends and they have never heard of it. Has anyone ever heard of someone doing this? What caused her to start doing this? Does anybody know how I can get her to stop this habit? Why does she feel she has to wear these shorts all the time to be comfortable?

Answer 1

I would not be worried at all!! At least she wants to put "more" clothes on, unlike some girls her age barley wearing anything!


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or maybe shes trying to make her butt look bigger!! idk....

Answer 2

This has become a habit, but why? What kind of jean shorts are we talking about...like Daisy Duke style or longer ones or what??

If they are D.D. style I would be concerned that she wears her jeans to school and then changes clothes.

If this is not the case has anything tramatic happened in her life since this little habit started? I have fostered teen girls for a few years and have had some girls that were picked up for teenage prostition. I am not saying this is what is happening, but one girl that was raped used to wear 2 or 3 pairs of shorts/jeans at a time to make herself look fatter and more unattractive.
This situation could mean nothing more than a security blanket would or it could be signs of things much more serious.
I would check up on her more often when she is out and see what she is doing and maybe round- aboutly ask some questions to see if anything is bothering her. Hope that this helps a bit...it is so difficult to say.

Answer 3

Sounds like you've got some more talking to do with the girl. Do you feel it's an obsessive compulsive behavior? If so, perhaps there's been an incident where someone lifted her skirt (you know how rotten 13 year old boys can be) and commented on her underwear? Has she been fondled against her will? Is this recent? This could be nothing more than a comfort factor, but because of the fact that she can't give up the shorts I'd be digging for an answer. If she won't talk to you, get her to talk to anyone she trusts (sister/brother/aunt/father/school councelor). Maybe she's afraid to tell. I don't want to cause you worry, honestly....but just reading this threw up a red flag for me. Much luck!!

Answer 4

Could be a number of things, including:

A developmental phase. I know I did some strange things at her age, and if you think back, you will probably remember some weird stuff too.

There might be a psychological issue that either makes her feel more secure wearing the shorts, e.g. feels less exposed due to changes her body is going through, i.e. period, hair, etc.; or she has developed some sort of behavior compulsion to wear the shorts; a type of inverted phobia, i.e. wearing the shorts gives her irrational comfort as a phobia causes irrational fear of something.

Something more disturbing, but needing to be mentioned, is the area that her compulsive activity has focused on. As mentioned, her behavior might have to do with normal developmental changes, but I have heard of cases where additional layers of clothing psychologically represent a type of protection when abuse has taken place. Imagine a kid hiding under a blanket for example; the blanket would not protect from anything that a child may imagine, but it is a type of psychological shield that offers protection in their mind. I only mention this because it should be considered.

In any case, it is utterly important that you improve your relationship with your daughter. Does she feel that she can talk to you about anything; sex, menstruation, boys, friends, drugs, alcohol, peer pressure, school, family, etc. If there is anything that you don't respect her about when she has talked to you, she will shut down about that topic. How did you feel when your parents came down on you about any particular topic, maybe scolding you for talking about certain topics? There should be no subject that is taboo between a mother and daughter. The chance that she does not know why she wears the shorts is so infinitesimally small that it is a sure bet that she knows. She just doesn't want to talk about it; either to you or in general.

A therapist that specializes in teen aged girls would be a good start if you have any inkling that something is not right! Make your pitch about going to the therapist about you wanting to understand her; rather than "you have issues that you need to work on", and go to EVERY session with her! Don't expect over night results and don't feel awkward about changing therapists, they are not all in the right field of work and not every proverbial shoe fits.

Now, go listen to what your daughter is telling you and you may have been missing because you are not paying attention!

Answer 5

What has changed in your daughter's life? Does she have/or did she have a boyfriend? Would you consider a possibility of having her go to counseling-not a school counselor, a clinic, or mental health facility near your area. ? There is a reason-and she may be the only one at this time-that knows what that reason is. I'm hoping no one touched her inappropriately. Does she feel like she has to be a perfectionist? There are so many possibilities, that a counselor, or a trusted doctor, or a trusted pastor could help get this resolved. Wishing you and your daughter the best. Take care.

Answer 6

Well first of all, I would back off on her a little bit. 13 is rough age and every child feels that all eyes are on him/her. Remember puberty? It's not fun.

She's clean, she changes her shorts daily and quite frankly, at least she's wearing something under those skirts. The styles right now are to make young girls appear rather trashy in appearance.

Wearing the shorts under her jeans is a little strange but again, I would turn the other cheek and please, stop talking to your friends about it. Those little mom groups can become volatile quickly -- respect your daughters privacy and keep those conversations between you and she alone. That is, if you want her to keep trusting you...

I'm not trying to make you feel bad but you are making too much out of what she's wearing. Clothing is a big enough issue at 13 without your mom making you feel like you are abnormal.

Answer 7

To be honest I'm am 14 and I have a niece who does that. She says she does it because shes afraid that her "unmentionable" might not smell the way it should and that she might lose alot of friends if she don't do this.Also I have a cousin who says she does it because it's just the style these days. But either way you can probably break the habitat by buying her new tight fitting close that way she can't wear them under her clothes, If this doesn't work you could try telling her in a nice way that it does not look good.

Answer 8

Either she has some other issue going on that you are not aware of and she is keeping to herself; or it is in essence like that of a security blanket or a combo of the two. It is rather strange but maybe talking with a therapist may bring out the answer...even if it is an O.C.D thing at least you'll know.

Answer 9

SOME GIRLS LIKE WEARING SHORTS UNDERNEATH DUE TO SOME BOYS LOOKING UNDERNEATH THEIR DRESS, SKIRT.THEREFORE SHE FEELS MORE COMFORTABLE WEARING SHORTS THEN WEARING SOMETHING THAT WILL ACCIDENTALLY SHOW OFF A LITTLE OF HER UNDERWEAR WHILE PLAYING IN THE PLAY GROUND OR JUST PLAYING AT SCHOOL. WHY DON'T YOU ASK HER IF THIS IS THE CASE AND TAKE IT FROM THERE. IF THAT IS
THE CASE THEN LET IT BE, RESPECT HER WAYS OF HANDLING HER OWN PERSONAL ISSUE, YOU NEED TO
BE BY HER SIDE AND NOT JUDGE HER FOR WHAT SHE
WEARS.

Answer 10

Time to give your daughter some space. This has nothing to do with OCD. And just because you've never heard of something before doesn't mean that the issues doesn't exist. Many issues exist that many people have never heard of before.

I never liked to wear skirts as well even when I was a older teenager. Not all girls like to wear skirts/dresses so I don't blame her. I have heard of this cause I don't like to wear skirt's at all unless I have something underneath it. (ESPECIALLY if you are more of a heavyset type of person) I like to wear a white pear of skorts shorts that would be a better suggestion then Jeans but for me personally I despise wearing just skirts plain by themself. I always have to wear something underneath with it. Its just very
uncomfortable.

So My suggestion to you as a mom is stop fighting with her and start asking her "why". Some girls do not feel comfortable wearing skirt's or like to wear skirt's. Your daughter is not alone. Even in my late 20's I still as a female do not like to wear skirt's. I like to wear long skirt's. So Instead of forcing her and telling her what to wear. Ask her what she wants to wear and stop making her do what you want her to do. She is at that age that she can now choose what she wants to wear what she feels like it reguardless of what you say and will.

The other reason why she started doing this she is tired of being told what to do by you and She is being told what to do all day long by teacher's. and maybe classmates and maybe her dressing the way she does causes her to dress the way she wants to, to be individual, and its one thing that She can control in her life. She does not need to be controlled by you for everything in her life. Now is the time to start letting her dress herself and start making her own decision's.

Answer 11

It almost sounds if your daughter is using her shorts as a security blanket. I know it sounds funny, but there may be some issues there that you are not aware of. It might be wise to go to counseling with her just to make sure she's okay. This may turn out to be nothing more than a teenage obsession, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. :o)
Good Luck