how can i get to know my daughters fiance ?

Question

my daughter is 21 yrs old very smart. her boyfriend is a dumbass pretty boy. i really dont like him i knew his dad and grandfather bothof them were involved in mafia things. and this guy is no different. he bulls people to to try to make things right. when he was 14 he beat up a grown man by pulling his hair and bashing his head against the ally walls.
my daughter says hes a really sweet guy and that i should get to know him. but how am i supposed to get to know him if he doesnt talk ?
one time my daughter dragged him over whne she visited and his sister ended up getting dragged by him. and in the kictchin he and his sister got into a slap fight ( it was acttuly funny and) then just stoped fighting after my wife told them that there were some cookies in the dinning room if they wanted some. and they pushed me out of the way.hes perfectly fine with talking to my wife and every one esle but he just gives me this cold look.
how am i supposed to get to know him if he wont talk to me ?

Answer 1

Tell him to go down on you and he does it then he is loyal! If he doesn't then tell him to scram. If he come's from the blood of mafia they know what loyalty is.

Or oyu could actually take the time to get to know him and ask him why he love's you daughter. Ask him if he will come to you if they are having financial or marital difficulties. Let him know you want to be there for him and your daughter. I bet he'll open up!

Good Luck!

'-)

Answer 2

That's kind of a tough one. However if your daughter really loves him and you trust her judgement, you got to get to know him. First off have your duaght set up a date with him, like after his work. Have her sound like it was last minute and bring you guys in the car. That way, he can't bring his sister. Go to a place like bowling or puff puff golf, or something that involves clean fun and something anyone can do. Be yourself. Perhaps a Q&A session is too intense. Also good to do something NOT ON YOUR TURF, so he feels intimidated. Be sure to do something with an action but you can casually make conversation. If all goes well, let me pick a place for dinner that he likes.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

Wow, thats a tough situation but I will tell you, if you don't want to push your daughter away try making the effort to get to know this guy, as bad as he sounds.Make small talk or whatever, or try to tolerate him... At least until your daughter (hopefully) sees what a loser her bf is and dumps him. Then you can breath a sigh of relief and hope the next bf isn't worse! (speaking from experience here)

Answer 4

Fiance? Well, have a talk with this young man and let him know that "we do not hit, or threaten to hit our women in the family." Tell him that's an important thing to you, as the father of your daughter, and ask him if he has an understanding.

That's what you need to worry about. Who cares if he talks to you, really. The communication channel needs to be wide open with you and your daughter (or between your wife and your daughter). If this fellow has a violent history, be it with his own personal experience or even within his own family, it's important that you delineate that it is not acceptable. Domestic violence is a nasty thing, and you don't want to hear about it happening when it's too late.

Answer 5

Ask him to have a man to man about you marrying his daughter, if he is not a total dummy he should respect your request. Tell him you have concerns about him marrying your daughter due to his reputation. Let him know that you want to resolve them and that this is not just an attack. You may not be able to prevent your daughter from marrying the wrong person, you may not be able to change his behavior or thoughts but you will have let him know that you are aware of who he is and what he does and that you will be watching to see how he treats your daughter.

Answer 6

He probably doesn't want to talk to you because he knows that you're the Dad and he has to worry about what you think. You should have a talk with him. Lay down the law, Dad! Tell him that you will be accepting of him and respectful as long as he treats your daughter with respect. Take him and your daughter out to eat... just the three of you and make it a point to talk to him. Ask him what he does for work. If he likes it. What his plans for the future are. Etc. You're her Dad... you have the right to be somewhat intimidating to the guy she's dating.

Answer 7

what a heart break. what's your wife's take on the situation? is she for the relationship or is she just trying not to alleniate your daughter? talk to your wife. you two may not be on the same page with this, but you've got to know where she stands and express your concern.

Second:
talk to your daughter and tell her you will make an honest effort to "bond" with this guy but there is something as a father that every girl needs to hear from her dad...
that every girl should kiss dangerously once in her life...but that getting pregnant by or marrying is a whole 'nother story. but tell her you will try to bond with the guy if nothing else than to just keep an eye on him because of your concerns...but that you'll try to make an effort not to be an as!hole.

explain that you have to look at it practically as her father and explain your concerns given his family and her bf reputation. tell her you will always love her and will be there for her. the decision is hers as she's 21, acknowlege that but tell her you are worried. that trust has to be earned, especially where she's concerned. remind her that she'll feel the same day one day with her daughter. be a concerned loving father with her...don't let discussion escalate into some arguement, dad.

i wished that my father had done that for me.
he just kept trying to be tolerant.

Third:
pick a bonding activity, such as a sporting event or somewhere to go with this guy. then, explain to this guy that you're there because of your daughter's wishes. demand to know what his intent is 'with your little girl'! let him know your very concerned about your little girl and that you are going to be watching him. that you'll be acting all 'nice and tolerant' around the women because you don't want to upset your little precious girl, the apple of your eye. but Read him his rights! ending with "i'm watching you...do I make myself clear?"

Fourth Step:
Smile politely in his face in front of the women and THEN give him the "I'm watching you every G>D! minute you little SOB" look every opportunity the women aren't looking!

!!!Be firm--be a DAD!!! Your daughter may not realize it now, but she needs you. Stay strong!

(do you really think this little thug is going to respect you or your daughter otherwise? remember he comes from a world where a prize is worth nothing unless it's worth fighting for...worth protecting.)

Ps. if you're concerned about any appearance of Dr J/Mr H with this guy...Don't! tell him you were just getting a read on him and you now had all the info you needed...that's why you're having this little "guy talk".

Answer 8

Well it seems like your daughter's smarts ran out her ear when she picked up this guy. Ask your daughter for any bright ideas of how to get to know this guy if he's non-communicative. You will be sainted for your patience in attempting to put forth the effort to get to know this guy.

My dad would throw this guy out the window and then deal with any weeping and wailing from his daughters as another issue.

Answer 9

Are any of his past offenses posted? You might try to let your daughter know what kind of a man she is dating without saying anything yourself. If you say anything, she thinks daddy is being protective, but if someone else tells her, she might listen.

The other thing you may do is to invite them out and ask some strategic questions that will reveal his true character.

Answer 10

He doesn't sound sweet, but you can't convince your daughter of this.
I suggest that you be as friendly as you can with him and as loving as you can be with your daughter. Don't say anything negative about him to her or to him. Even if your daughter complains about him or his family, just listen sympathetically. Don't agree or disagree. Just let her know you want her to be happy.
As long as your daughter sees you as being against him, she will want to defend her position, and if she decides against him, she will be ashamed to admit it. But if you make it clear that you are on her side regardless, she will be more willing to come back to you if/when the relationship goes sour.