While my ex and i were dating (for about 6 months) my 4 year old son (whos mom left 3 years ago) got really attached to her, and she got just as attached to him. He loves her and she loves him like he were her own. I decided a couple of days ago I didnt want them to have any contact, hes VERY upset but im only doing what i think is best for him. Hes upset but ive talked to him about it, i just dont know what to say to her. Any suggestions ?
And even if i did decide to let her see him and even if she wanted to adopt him one day, would that be legal, could she adopt him ? (you know like adopt when people get married and the kids are adopted by the spouse)
2007-01-15 13:54:23 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I don't want you around my son would work. Why, will be the first question I would ask so be prepared to explain. Because I said so isn't a good answer for an adult. There is no easy way to say it. Just make sure it is really best for him.
2007-01-15 14:03:00 · answer #1 · answered by angelbabydoll82 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I have a huge opinion on this! I have a son that was left by my ex husband 3 years ago. I dated several men but never allowed them around my child until I met the man that I am now married too. Children become attached very quickly and I am sure that he does not understand why you are taking her from him. Is there a reason? If she is good to him then you should be thankful.
Yes, she would be allowed to adopt your son, but be sure it sounds like you are not positive as to what you want and your son only wants attention love and support.
2007-01-15 14:03:34 · answer #2 · answered by mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I guess I don't know your entire situation but if your son loves her, and she loves him, and you two can be reasonable, what's wrong with the two of them continuing a relationship?
It seems that without a mother, he would probably do really well to have a good woman role model. She couldn't adopt him since he's biologically your child and you two were only dating for six months. Children in the situation you're describing are only allowed to be adopted because the biological parent is signing off that they want that. But maintaining a friendship for the sake of your son might be for the best. It seems really harsh to deny him that.
2007-01-15 14:04:14 · answer #3 · answered by Sarah C 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is exactly the reason that single parents should not involve the kids with who they are dating. You should put your kid first until they are grown, then you can worry about dating. It confuses and upsets kids to have a new mommy or daddy figure to deal with every couple years.
Since you have already let your child bond with this new woman, you need to either commit to making it work or completely cut off contact.
2007-01-16 04:52:03 · answer #4 · answered by J D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a common problem when a parent introduces a child to a new special friend. It should not be done unless the relationship is serious.
No, she can't adopt him. She has no legal rights to him at all.
2007-01-16 00:46:03 · answer #5 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am not trying to be mean here, just trying to get you to think. you have to ask your self why you don't want her to see him anymore. is it about you and you ex, or is it about your son and her? you never mentioned if she did anything inappropriate with your son. if she is bad for him, or dangerous, that is one thing, stick to your decision--especially if she is using him to get back with you. but if you just don't like her anymore, well then that is selfish of you. why put your son through all that heartache (again) just because YOU don't want to see her anymore (you will not have such a good relationship with your son in the future if this is the case--it will come back to bite you, so to speak). everyone needs a female role model in life. it sounds like it is doing more good than harm if they have a good relationship and she is willing to be responsible with him. if you need to, draw up an agreement with her. the only thing i would worry about would be her leaving and hurting him. she would have to be consistent in her attention and visits, and you should want to allow this for your son--that is if she really seems to be making him happy. it all depends on your reasons for not wanting her around anymore. how do you tell her? well, you just tell her and give her all your reasons and that is it, shut the door. it seems to me (and it is just my opinion) that you don't know how to tell her because there is really no reason to tell her--if there is good reasons, be specific and end it fast for everyone's sake. and be specific with your son when you tell him. make sure and answer all his questions. he deserves to know why you felt this may harm him.
can she adopt him? do you mean like take him away from you? no, not unless a state agency deems you unfit and then she has to apply to adopt him if the situation in your home is not resolved, then they have to find her fit to adopt (a lengthy process), or if you voluntarily sign him over. i don't think, if she cares anything about your son, that she would want to take him away from you. is that what you are worried about? she can't apply to do that upfront. she could only ask to adopt him if he was up for adoption, or if you wanted her to adopt him.
good luck
2007-01-15 15:05:11 · answer #6 · answered by mamahobbit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask yourself: what is best for my child? it's beneficial for every child to have a male and female role model. And if real mom's out of the picture and your ex is willing to make a serious commitment to your child, then you should allow the 2 to visit with one another, even if you're not there. perhaps you could arrange some visitation with a drop-off point with a neutral 3rd party?
2007-01-15 14:10:06 · answer #7 · answered by Nicky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is really strange. Yeah--at first you talked about cutting it off--necessary although painful--and I could understand that.
But then you talk about this chick possibly adopting your kid??????????
You need to serioiusly sort out a lot of things.
2007-01-15 19:04:03 · answer #8 · answered by beckychr007 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were right to break all ties. what if you meet someone new? That would be hard for everyone involved to deal with.
She needs to stay away for the best interests of your son.
2007-01-15 13:58:52 · answer #9 · answered by Kiss My Shaz 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
What kind of revolving door do you live in? " I want her to stay away", but "can she still adopt him"?? Dude, only one color pill at a time!!!
2007-01-15 14:03:14 · answer #10 · answered by wildraft1 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋