So I have known this guy for about a year, and we both really like each other. He is one of my best friends, and he is also my first love. The problem is he has a gf, and they have been together for over a year. He tells me that I am better then her, but he won't break up with her..... and I really need some help.
I love him sooo much, he even comes to see me everyday at school. And he tells me that he loves me all the time.
I gave him the ultimatum that he has to be broken up with her by the end of January. I am trying not to be pushy.
PLEASE HELP
2007-01-15 13:26:48 · 19 answers · asked by keely! 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It may be hard to get over him, we have been best friends for a year....
2007-01-15 13:35:26 · update #1
Girl, I have been you before. This is not a good place to be. This guy knows he's got the best of both worlds. the affection of his stale old SAFE relationship AND the excitement and passion of you, the friend he has been flirting with for the exact same duration that his relationship has taken place for.
I am telling you right now, even if he dumps her for you, it won't be over. Depending on how much he loves/likes/is controlled by her right now, you will still play second fiddle in one way or another.
I had this happen to me with some guy i was fooling around with for 2 years. He had a GF and i knew it. I told him he had to dump her. he said he wanted to. he said he hated her and that i was so much coooler than her and that all his friends thought i was so much better. Beleive me, i was THRILLED when he "dumped her". and he was acting like my boyfriend for all of 4 weeks. but it sucked. the man was a total lech leering after any girl that caught his eye.
You may think you have the upper hand right now, but with a guy like that, the tables turn right quick. Make yourself scarce. There are better men out there! Trust me!
2007-01-15 13:46:01 · answer #1 · answered by horticulture_girl 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he loves you as much as you love him, he would be with you and not her. It isn't likely that he's going to leave her and even if he did how could you be sure he wouldn't do the same to you?
I can understand falling for someone in a committed relationship but I would imagine knowing that he would cheat on someone else wouldn't make you feel too secure in your relationship with him.
You've already put the ultimatum out there so if he doesn't leave her, then save yourself and move on. If he does leave her, well, I wish you the best of luck.
2007-01-15 21:32:45 · answer #2 · answered by NYGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't expect him to leave his GF for you. You are willing to see him even though he has a GF, so why would he leave her when he can have you both?
Even if he does leave her for you, please keep in mind that he is a cheater. He would probably do the same thing to you. The same thing happened to one of my good friends. Her BF was cheating on his GF with her. He broke up with her to be with my friend, and they dated for a long time but then he cheated on her with another girl for a while before breaking up with her.
Being the "cheatee" is not a good way to start a relationship. Why would you want to date someone who is willing to cheat? He doesn't sound like a very nice guy to me.
2007-01-15 21:38:13 · answer #3 · answered by gobanana516 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been in this situation for about a few years and am finally realizing he is not good for me. the best friend thing does make it confusing but you want a guy who won't be a player when he's with you.
the ultimatum is good. just dont "wait it out" for their relationship to end. if he doesnt break up with her at the end of jan, move on to another guy. nothing shows true love like jealousy when you are dating someone else.
2007-01-15 22:29:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't being pushy at all. You refuse to be the "other woman" that's great for you! You should never settle, you deserve the best, so hold out for it. What possible reason would a man say he loves you but he won't break up with his girlfriend? (unless the girlfriend is pregnant or has his kids) he's just playing the field honey! Tell him actions speak louder than words.
2007-01-15 21:40:19 · answer #5 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You gave him an ultimatum, but you're trying not to be pushy...that's funny...
Seriously, he has to make a choice...does he love you more than his g/f or vice versa.
If you love him...truly love him...at some point (if he doesn't decide) you're going to have to let him go.
Just don't let him have his cake and eat it too. In the end you'll be the better person.
Good Luck
2007-01-15 21:37:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you love someone who is already in a relationship? And he won't leave her so that should tell you something right there. You should just forget about this guy and move on and find someone you deserve.
2007-01-15 21:32:22 · answer #7 · answered by Lace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stick with it, he's using you. He's will throw you away and that will hurt a lot. With your ultimatum, your holding the cards. If you drop your ultimatum, you are just handing all your cards to him :) Don't let yourself be pushed around and used.
2007-01-15 21:38:19 · answer #8 · answered by magu2k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he really thinks that u are better then his gf then y doesnt he break up with her. In my opinion he is just bein a player. You should be pushy if he really loved u he wouldve broken up with her along time ago
2007-01-15 21:32:44 · answer #9 · answered by filipino_chick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you tired of getting used and being the door mat? because, that is what you are.. if you haven't learned some people will tell you anything to get what they want, you are better than this ...find your own man.
2007-01-15 21:35:21 · answer #10 · answered by shelly v 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋