So how do you get a dominant/submissive relationship off the ground?

Question

Hi,
I've been interested in BDSM and specifically the D/S side of things for awhile now. I'm a dominant male, and a relationship with a submissive female is something that I'd be interested in exploring (I have very little first-hand experience). There's a few problems.
The first is knowing which girls would perhaps be interested in this. In most places, submissives don't go announcing their preference, and where somebody falls on the D/s spectrum is not a normal topic of conversation (at least with the people I'm usually with). Since it's rarely immediately obvious, and it would be awkward at best to directly ask, how is one supposed to go about finding a girl who would be interested in a relationship like that?

And when/if I'd finally find a girl like that, how do you go about starting up a relationship like that, especially since it'd be largely public (I'm in college, and even the dorms are not super private places)?

Thanks for any advice or suggestions you can give :)

Answer 1

The first thing that you should do it look into your local BDSM scene and see what parties/munches/events there are that you could attend. This is the best way to find someone close to you. Adding keywords to your profile, like "bdsm" or "dominant" would also help people that do searches find you. Chatrooms are another good bet. It really shouldn't be difficult for anyone with a computer to find playmates (at first) that can grow into relationships.

As for your privacy situation, play it by ear. You shouldn't have to put any more privacy into your time with a submissive than you would if you had a girlfriend. If you don't have enough privacy for a girlfriend, then you probably don't have the privacy for a submissive, either. Alternatively, if there are enough BDSM events in your local area, then you could attend with your submissive. This would not only give you the chance to be with and practice your relationship, but it would allow you to gain experience by watching others in the lifestyle. Give it a try. ;)

Answer 2

For starters the World Wide Web will be a place to start but, of course, be careful. No one wants to end up a statistic.

You may find clubs near you that have this type of parties. Once again research is the key.

Just be safe in any venture, be honest and have fun.

Answer 3

alt.com, though it seems kind of fishy and tries to milk cash out of you.

Can't you sort of "smell" subs after you talk to em for a while (personality-wise, anyway)? I don't know any way to find out if a girl is open to sm, since, as you know, they keep those kinds of interests pretty guarded even if you are dating :P
Still, I think the best is just to train your own. You can usually tell if a girl is at least curious through physical contact, such as if she likes it when you hold her hands above her head when you have sex. As long as you do it real gently, introducing elements very slowly, with a lot of encouragement and love, she'll be putty in your hands.

Answer 4

If you google a few key words, you will find all sorts of websites that may have what you're looking for.

A few years ago, one of my workmates was in a submissive relationship and she met her "Master" through Handcuff.com (I'm pretty sure that was its name) - if not, probably something similar. Thing was though, he was in the Uk and she was in Australia - I couldn't quite figure out how they worked that one.

Oh well, enjoy

Answer 5

Beat her up and Back door Her!

Answer 6

uh...whatever