What can I do about my mother in law from hell?

Question

MY HUSBANDS PARENTS WERE DIVORSED AT 3 AND HIS MOTHER SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN IN EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS EVER SINCE, RELYING ON HER ONLY SON ALMOST AS HER PARTNER. SHE LIVES WITH HER BOYFRIEND & HER SON THERE TO PROTECT HER & I FOUND THE CLOSER WE BECAME THE MORE SHE WOULD ARGUE WITH HER BOYFRIEND SHE HASN'T GROWN UP AT ALL AND HAS NO FRIENDS OF HER OWN & SPONGES OFF HER SON FOR FRIENDS. HE SEEMS TOTALY UNAWARE OF THE BAD PARENTING HE HAD & SEES IT AS HIS JOB TO PROTECT HER. SHE CRYS WHEN HE DOESN'T TAKE HER WITH HIM ON DAYS OUT & AS OUR RELATIONSHIP PROGRESSED HER 20 YEAR RELATIONSHIP SEEMED TO GET WORSE UNTILL WE WERE ABOUT TO MOVE IN TOGETHER & SHE HAD A HUGE FIGHT WITH HER BOYFRIEND & MY PARTNER WENT IN TO SAVE HER AGAIN SAYING THAT HE COULDN'T LEAVE HER BECAUSE SHE NEEDED HIS PROTECTION. HE STARTED 2 SUGGEST WE ALL MOVE IN, I SAID I COULD NEVER LIVE WITH THEM BOTH..I AM NOW PREGNANT AND FRIGHTENED OF HER MANIPULATION & CONSTANT EMOTIONAL DRAINING ON MY RELATIONSHIP..HELP!!

Thank U everyone who put their time and energy into answering me!!
I had a brief talk with my partner just before he left 4 a few days. I said I was worried about his mother being so dependent on him & he immedatly said if the job, which my mother found, with a free cottage not far from here doesn't work out for his mother, he will ask her to come and live for a while with us!
I told him, 'I've said b4 I couldn't live with ur mum' he just asked me, 'why not?'
'Because she is emotionally needy, she will have no friends & will be dependent on us'
he said that he didn't want to live with his mother all his life but just wants to see her safe.
He said he loved me & not good to get stressed 4 me, baby or him. 'what am i supposed to do?? just leave her'???? he asked me. I said this thing effects me just as much as him& is a burden I don't need. He'll b back 2morrow & I'm at last ready 2have it all out, I've decided I would rather know now how damaged he is by her &where i stand than later

Answer 1

oh man i feel for you. if possible, Run for the hills!!! i had an evil mother in law and she woudlnt rest until we finally had our marriage break up (which she did it by hooking my husband with a new girlfreind) . anway the worse part is if the guy is going along with it he is already brain washed by her and you are never goin to win. if its anything like my situatoin its a losing battle and sh will evnetually win and you will be on your *** like i am. SCrew that ***** and screw him if he goes along wtih whatever she says over you. he should be choosing his wife first, and if not he might have severe mental prblems cuase of his mom and he might not be able to change.
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just read rebeccas resopnse. just dump the guy its wroth it to get rid of the mother in law from hell and if you dont she will never go away. the fun part is when **** hit the fan i told that skanke whore off.

Answer 2

Your husband is an enabler. The mother has to live on her own and be her own person. So far, she's horribly scared to do this.

It's a like a kid. Sometimes you have to let the kid fall down and pick himself or herself up and just look on and not do anything. Sometimes you have to leave them in the crib crying, because you know they only cry so you'll go to them and comfort them, but after a while the kid will stop crying and learn to comfort itself. The mother has to learn this.

However, she sounds like she's histrionic and possibly has a personality disorder. Perhaps she should see a psychologist.

You should tell your husband that the best thing to do is to distance himself from her a bit. She's got a man. She doesn't need your husband.

Moreover, you husband has to decide what he wants out of life. Does he want a wife and children by his side? Or does he want his mother to be his lifelong partner? A man should always take the side of his wife against his mother (but there are times when diplomacy works, too). Here, your husband needs to stop enabling his mom. Otherwise, he'll cause a divorse.

Answer 3

You can talk till you are blue in the face, and neither the mom in law or your boyfriend will change. I know this, b/c I was in the same situation you were 3 years ago. I tried everything, and in the end, I chose to dump my moma's boy and raise my child on my own. I did not want my child to grow up and see the unhealthy relationship my boyfriend and his mommy lived. This women was pure evil. Every time me and my boyfriend even mentioned the fact of us getting married and living together, she would claim she was having chest pain. I told my boyfriend that his mother treated him just like the movie The Waterboy. He took up for his mom, and I said goodbye. I suggest you do the same. Good luck honey in whatever you chose to do.

Answer 4

I would say that he'll never change. It's sad to say in your current "state" but you should never have waited so long to leave him.
It's still not too late.
First though, find a quiet time to have a heart to heart with him. Explain that now there's a baby on the way who will need him to be a father and not "mommy's protector". She's old enough to take care of herself and if he can't see that, then you can't afford to raise your child in that situation. Tell him that it's you and the baby OR mommy. If he doesn't agree, then leave him and immediately file for child support once the baby is born.
I don't see where you have a choice with respect to the baby!!!

Maybe after you're gone and the baby is born, he will mature enough to make the right choice, but you shouldn't wait for that to happen. Don't start this baby's life in that kind of world. After it's born, you'll be trapped.

Answer 5

Make him decide her or you. He can go see her but do not live together. Find another man if he is staying with mama. If you put up with her you will stay in a bad stressful relationship. It will be no good for you or the baby. If he and you could get away from his mom (more distance the better) then both might learn to be the way they are supose too (him and her).

Answer 6

This may be mean but you have a child to thank about know. Tell your boyfriend that if he keeps doing for her she will never grow up and he now has a family (ask yourself this do you really want that kind of influence on your child)You need to make a decision either he stays with you or he can stay with his mommy!. You will be better off in the long run besides this women sounds a bit crazy.

Answer 7

i might want to like to provide you some solid suggestion which will paintings. however the straightforward sense answer you disregarded. you want to flow out. you're 52 and that i'm particular you look tremendous. Why the heck might want to you marry a guy to flow in such as his mom? a lady you already had problems with at the same time as making plans the marriage (pink FLAG) you probably did not say how previous he's yet you should have your act mutually with information from now. base line, your mom in regulation would not like the idea of you loose loading and residing there. Sorry to be harsh yet that is why she dose this to you. She enjoys her son and needs him to stay not you. Your husband is not in any respect going to side with you hostile to MAMA. What you spot is what you get. If i changed into you i might want to be seeking to larger my existence and be self protecting so i do not ought to stay with those who abuse me.

Answer 8

You need to do what you have to inorder for you to be happy.If you can't handle her make that clear to your hubby.The longer you wait to do something the worse it is going to be.Trust me I know from experience.I have the mother in law from hell and believe it or not it sounds like mine is worse than yours.My monster in law tried to kidnap my little boy.In her sick little mind she thought if she took him back north with her my husband would be forced to leave me and go up there to her.After I filed charges against her for comsparicy to committ kidnapping.She started calling the department of children and families and made false complaints trying to get our son taken from us.She also thought this would force her babyboy home to her.Didn't work the only thing it did was nearly cause her death.Because if the b**** didn't stop when she did I was going to kill her.You don't want to let things go that far.She isn't worth you getting upset over.Explain to your husband him letting her get you upset is putting his baby in danger.You shouldn't be stressed out when you are pregnant it isn't good for you or the baby.If he really loves you he will try to do something with her.Good Luck!

Answer 9

Edith you have your hands full and your baby is not even here yet! You need to think of yourself and your child. If your husband/partner wants to get involved in his Mama's drama then let him. You don't have too. He has taught his Mother how to treat him by running to rescue her. Mama needs a life and one that is away from her son. Unfortunately your hubby needs to cut the umbilical cord and let Mama sink or swim. She is an adult and needs to act like one. Besides,you are bringing a new life in the world that needs healthy role models. What would really help is new scenery. Like moving away from Mama from Hell. Otherwise, Edith you are going to have this going on for no telling how long. Mama isn't going to change. And if it gets to be to much for you, then you need to leave as hard as it may be to do. Your child is your #1 priority now, not Mama from Hell.

Answer 10

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If she has done this his entire life, he really doesn't know any better. Now that you two have a child involved, you and him, need to sit down and draw some guide lines. I'm sure the friend of the court can help with this when you arrange for child support. Best of luck!!