should i stay or should i go?

Question

i have been dating this girl for about six months she has two kids and an ex husband well recently she asked me to move in with her at her mothers house in the process of this i think she gets a bit worried and say's i need to move out she is going through a divorce and custody battle anyway we are broke up and we work at a bar together and she saw me flirting with another girl and got jealous she pulled me to the side and asked me if i thought it was funny i said no just trying to get over u u were the one who wanted to break up right i said u r done with me right she is like i don't think so i need some time blah blah but the two days before she was out with another guy she swears nothing happend between them i believe her because it took me a while to have sex with her what should i do it hurt me when we broke up because i love her and have fallen in love with the kids the kids have fallen for me also

Answer 1

Women are insane. Women say stupid things and do stupid things when they are upset or a little down. They'll seem perfectly reasonable and so you assume that what they want is what they say they want. Guys seem like dumb oafs, so when we say stuff that we don't mean, people don't usually take us at our word. As such, give a woman a little time and she'll change her mind. It's her perogative. Right?

Anyway, stress a woman out a little and she thinks it's a good idea to make major changes to avoid the stress despite the fact that the change will hurt her in the long run. In other words, it seems to me that she broke up with you because she was stressed and not because she didn't love you or thought this wouldn't work out. Women act on their "feelings." And feelings can be totally misinterpreted, but women don't realize that.

On the other hand, what the Hell are you moving in with her mother for???? Are you insane?? Never, never, never move in with a mother. Never do it. Never do it. Never do it. It's a good recipe for disaster. You can move in with her at some other location or stay at separate places for a while, but don't move in with the mother. The mother wants her own privacy. Suddenly, here comes this man who is doing her daughter. The mother will be uncomfortable with that and will resent that. The mother will suddenly feel that her place isn't her's and she'll resent that. You'll be sitting there on your *** watching TV and she'll want to watch her show. And she'll think you don't do any housework or pay for the groceries or pay for some of the rent, etc. And she'll have rules, but she isn't your Mom, so you'll resent the rules and she'll resent you for not following them. And she'll grit her teeth and then all of a suddent there will be an off-handed comment and a nasty argument will ensue. Only, there won't be a good relationship to fall back on like she's your mother or your girlfriend. You can have a fight with your mother or your girlfriend and then everything will be fine later. But a fight with the mother-in-law will never be rectified and you'll be on her bad side for the rest of your life. And I mean the rest of your life. You want to have as much distance from a girlfriend's or wife's mother as you can. The key to a good relationship with an in-law is to keep separate residences and to keep out of each others' way as much as possible. Have chats. Have each other over for dinner. But don't be involved in the same things together. One of you will try to use your power over the other. I love my in-laws. They live 2000 miles away!!!!

One should also note that any problems you have with the mother will put the girlfriend in the middle. Whose side will she take? It'll just put her in a horrible position and put a major strain on your relationship and on the girlfriend's relationship with her mother. That's not cool to put her in that position.

As such, do not go live at her mother's house.

As for what to do with the girl. Talk to her and tell her that you'd like to get back together, but that you think it's a good idea to move in with each other, but a bad idea to live with the mother. Not that the mother is a bad person. On the contrary, but it wouldn't be fair to the mother. She's worked hard to get her place and doesn't need her daughter's boyfriend interfering with her privacy. (Frankly, I wonder if the mother's attititude about the whole moving in thing didn't cause the rift between you in the first place.) Privacy is a big deal. Don't mess with it. Take the stress out of her life and don't pressure her into moving in. Do it at her speed. Tell her that you'll do anything for her and her kids, but that means not pressuring her and taking it at her speed. Before you know it, you might be living together at your own place.

Answer 2

your fighting a loosing battle, she has baggage, an she is still married. Move in with her... AT HER MOTHERS HOUSE! what is wrong with you! Are you NOT in your right mind. 2 kids and a mother!!! & a HUSBAND!! She's not looking for a boyfriend sweetie, she's looking for a caregiver! You did not mention how old you were, but im willing to guess, if she has 2 kids, and she is living with her mom, and your both playing (whos talking to who games) and (whos jealous) and (who broke up with who). Your both to young, maybe you should keep whats in your pants in your pants, and stay at home. I think you may be the next "babydaddy" if your not careful. LIVE WITH HER MOTHER!!! Can anyone out there beleive he was thinking of this!!! Go home, watch some Nick at Night!

Answer 3

This is why I don't date people I work with...the situation can become ugly real quick...you should always have space between your professional and private life...you should have your own place to live, so that she can come and go as she pleases..it is what it is..she is going through the divorce and custody battles...alot of stress and drama but she still wants to get laid regularly and not be lonely..eventhough she is not probably emotionally ready for a new relationship..just got out of a old one..you obviously felt rejected and sought attention in the arms of a another..she saw it and got jealous...either you were careless, stupid, or wanted to get caught....if you were smart, find someone outside of that whole work scene..to mess around with..she like I said before, just got out of marriage ..trying to find herself again..maybe she's trying to get her groove on or just needed someone to make her feel better about herself...the chick is too emotional...she told you to step off...then she gets jealous...I say step off...from them kids and her...you are caught up in a whirlwind...get out of the storm's eye...now, take time to reevaluate what you want out of a relationship and find someone with less emotional baggage.

Answer 4

If the kids love you then see how to mack it work with her for you and the kids and maybe you and her can more out of her mothers house i think it may help you and her grow a home for you and her but if they don't love you and she don't love you hey they are not your kids for 1 guy there are 10 woman so you got 9 more so do what you feel

Answer 5

Dude, that was so hard to read without punctuation. After you take a grammer class sit down with her and have a heart-to-heart talk. Tell her you want to be together, you don't need to live together (and you probably shouldn't) but you want to at least be her boyfriend until the time is right to move forward to something more serious.

Answer 6

Stay. I like you to stay, CareBears have a very nice azzes. don't know if I'm a perv or not. but I like CareBear butts. but you are also a good questioner and answerer, funny and have cute avatar. although you may turn out to be a man in the basement. or a woman in an office cubicle. Edit: "The an" is a proper grammar, but I wronged it.

Answer 7

Don't take her ****. I think flirting with the other girl may have put her in her place, which is exactly what HAS to be done. Remind her that it's a two-way street. Also, I DO know that working in a bar, that you have to flirt to an extent or you won't make money, she should know that.

Answer 8

Tell her. Women will often sit around waiting for something to happen and say nothing to you about how they really feel.

She may be afraid because she has obviously been burnt once already. You need to explain, and show her if possible, that you really do care for her. Tell her carefully about how you feel about her and the kids. It is really important to a mother that her children will feel wanted. It is easy for a man to say things, but it takes actions, not words, to prove it.

Answer 9

It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. I think it would be a good idea to step back and watch what is happening. It probably isn't a good time to move in, since it could affect the divorce. I'd suggest that you do what you want, and just give her some time.

Answer 10

She sounds like she likes to play mind games and gets a bit of a power trip. I think you need to sit down with her and tell her exactly how you feel about her and the kids, if she is still playing with your mind then maybe you should think about moving on