Little Johny Jokes??

Question

no really guys...any jokes?? :-)

Answer 1

nope

Answer 2

A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike.
"Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300," he asked.
"Easy, Dad," little Johnny replied. "I earned it hiking."
"Come on Johnny," the father said. "Tell me the truth."
"That is the truth!" Johnny replied.
"Every night you were gone, Mom's boss, Mr. Reynolds, would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"

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A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot"
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied,
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking."

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A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?" Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is !!I think I should be in the third grade too!" The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was... The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions are explained to him and he agrees to take the test.
Principal: " What is 3x3?" Johnny: "9" Principal: "What is 6 x 6 ?" Johnny: "36" And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, " I think Johnny can go to the third grade," The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Johnny both agree.
The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Johnny, after a moment, "legs"
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal' eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny replied," Pockets".
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, " Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I missed the last two questions".

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One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "Beautiful" in the same sentences twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought My mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.
"Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.
Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just freakin beautiful!'

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Little Johnny is sitting on his front porch steps playing a game.
With one arm he's holding a cat, the other hand is full of M&M's. To play this game, Johnny starts at the top of the steps. He eats a couple M&M's, bites the cat, then moves down a step. He eats some more M&M's, bites the cat & moves down a step. When Johnny gets to the bottom of the steps he goes back to the top and starts over.
Inside the house, Johnny's mother is watching him. She sticks her head out the window and asks Johnny what he's doing.
Johnny replies, "Mommy, I'm playing Truck Driver."
Confused by the answer she has Johnny explain how he figures he's playing Truck Driver.
Johnny replies, "I'm popping pills, eating pu**y and movin' on!!"

Answer 3

Little Johnny's teacher asked if anyone in the class could use the word fascinate in a sentence...
Little Judy replied, "My daddy took me to the zoo over the weekend, and I was fascinated by all the animals." The teacher told her it was a good sentence, but she wanted the word fascinate, not fascinated.
Little Henry replied, "My father brought out the telescope last night, and I found all the stars fascinating". The teacher told him it was a good sentence, but she wanted the word fascinate, not fascinating.
When she called on Little Johnny he replied, "My sister bought a new sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big, she can only fasten eight."

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little johnnys teacher gave the class an assignment to go home and find something interesting to share with the class. the next day, the teacher called each student up one by one. when she called on little johnny, he walked up to the black board, drew a little white dot and sat back down. what is that? asked the teacher.
its a period. little johnny said.
i know that, but whats so interesting about a period?
little johnny replied;

damned if i know but this morning my sister missed hers, my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the guy next store shot himself.

i know they're old but there still really funny. well to me at least.

Answer 4

This one is one of my favorite. It's clean too.

One Sunday morning, the priest noticed Little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the priest walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Little Johnny."

"Good morning, Father," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Father Scott, what is this?" Little Johnny asked. "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Johnny's voice was barely audible when he asked, "Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?"

Answer 5

Johnny is in class one day, and the teacher tells the kids" today, we are having a test on garden tools." When she picked up the first tool, which was a shovel, she asked them what this was. No one replied, but Johnny. She called on him, and he said " that's a spade!!" "correct," she replied while picking up the next one, which was a Soil rake. Again she asked the what this was. Again, no one knew but Johnny. "that's a rake for the dirt!!" "Very good, Johnny". When she picked up the third, a Hoe, She asked again what this was. Everyone, including Johnny, was puzzled. She then announced what it was, and Johnny's hand came up. The Teacher then asked what it was he needed, and his reply was" Ma'am, My sister's a Ho, and she don't look nuthin like that!!!!!"

Answer 6

Here's another one I'll probably burn for....lol

One morning, Little Johnny's teacher announced that they were going to try something different in class today. She would say a letter and pick a student to name something that began with that letter. Teacher says A and picks Susie to answer. Susie stands up and says "A is for Apple." She moves to the letter B and picked Billy to give a word for it. B. Billy stood up and said said "B is for Boy." Each time she picked another letter, Little Johnny was yelling, "pick me pick me" but she knew his habit of using foul language so she kept ignoring him because she was sure he would find something dirty to say about every letter she gave him. When she got to the letter R, she thought and thought and couldn't think of a single dirty word that he could make beginning with R so she told Little Johnny he could give a word that began with the letter R. Little Johnny stood up all proud and says "R is for Rat.....moth*rf**ker was THIS BIG and had a d*ck this G*DDAMN LONG !!

Answer 7

So uh I know this kinda dirty one but it's the only one I got.

Little Johnny comes in to find his mom naked. He asks about why her crotch is black. She replies that it's her black sponge. The next day, Little Johnny asked where was her sponge and she said she lost it. It was a week after until Little Johnny said he found it. Curious, his mom asked where, and he replied it was in Mrs. Taylor's house and he saw Dad washing his face in it.

Answer 8

Little Johnny's sister had her boyfriend over. Johnny was watching them, and he thought his sister was sitting on a big snake. He told his mom that they were rolling around screaming, trying to smush the snake between their bodies. "Then," he told his mom, "he pulled it out of his pants and flushed it down the toilet"

It's originally longer, but you get the idea.

Answer 9

i don't have a little Johny joke but i have another one


i hate weddings all the old people poke me and say your next your next but they stopped doing that when i started poking them at funerals saying your next your next

Answer 10

Little Johnnie says to his Mother "Mom, I can't stop walking around in circles!" His Mother replies "Shutup, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!!".

Answer 11

Little Johnny walks into a bar and says OUCH!