Adult men and women of child bearing age only! Here's the scenario...?

Question

You have decided, for whatever reason, that you absolutely do NOT want to have children.
After you make that decision you find that you are sterile/infertile
When in a relationship, you are very open about not wanting children.

Is it wrong not to mention the fact that you are unable to have children or is it okay to leave this out?

Answer 1

You certainly don't need to announce it on your first date. And you don't need to announce your infertility if you're in a relationship where it's clear you don't want children, and your partner is okay with that.

However, at some time, if the relationship goes on long enough, you will almost certainly come to the point where telling your partner that you're infertile is the Right Thing. If your partner also is committed to not having children, then this won't make any difference. But if your partner is thinking "well, sure, he/she doesn't want children NOW but maybe SOMEDAY..." then you would be deceiving your partner by not making it clear that their "someday" is never going to arrive.

When do you know you've come to that point in the relationship? When it's clear that you have the kind of relationship where you don't keep secrets from each other. If you're not at that point now, then don't worry about it -- unless your partner is starting to say "y'know, maybe I'd like a kid some day." At that point, you need to assess that person's need for a biological child versus an adopted child -- and, more to the point, that person's love for you in relation to the life they want to live.

Because keeping somebody who wanted a child from having one is almost as bad as forcing somebody who didn't want a child to have one. Either way... that's one of those clear incompatibilities.

Or as Tevye says in "Fiddler on the Roof," "On the other hand... There IS no other hand."

Answer 2

Yes, it is wrong. Even though you've been upfront about not wanting children, an opinion can change, whereas a physical condition like sterility is unlikely to change without medical intervention.

You need to tell the other person the full truth before starting a serious relationship, because hiding information like this will cause problems later on.

Answer 3

I'd say it's fine to leave that part out until the relationship starts getting pretty serious, like headed towards marriage or long-term commitment. But then you should tell them because your potential life partner should know that you are unable, not just unwilling. There's always a chance an unwilling person could change their mind. (Of course even those unable to reproduce always have the option of adoption. )

Answer 4

Do NOT leave the fact that you are infertile out in the discussion. Your significant other may be fine with you not wanting children now, but he/she might decide later in on life that children are wanted. He/she might subconsiously be thinking that you'll change your mind and want children later. If he/she knows NOW that you CAN'T have children, and still wants a relationship with you, then your fine. But if you fall in love, spend say five years together and all of a sudden your mate decides he/she wants kids, then you tell him/her that you are infertile and you kept that hidden from him/her all those years, then you've created a trust issue.

Answer 5

really at the same time as Hillary is professional decision Obama is the perfect lack of existence candidate he voted hostile to toddler protection Act. In different words he helps the killing of stay babies bc they'd nicely be an inconvenience to the mummy's who did not favor the babies. i do not help or like numerous professional decision applicants, i'm 100% professional existence no exceptions.

Answer 6

For the sake of honesty with your partner, you should reveal that your sterile. Then let them decide if that is a factor for their loving you. IF not, your losing nothing. IF so, then see whether adoption is an option, or they may let your lose. IF the later then you didn't want to marry such a shallow person.

Answer 7

I think it is important to talk about this with someone you are in a relationship with. It gives them a chance to decide if they want to be with you or not. Just saying you dont want kids isnt enough. They may think you will change your mind later, when in fact the point is you cant have them.

Answer 8

It is very important to be upfront when you are dating someone which may lead to a relationship.

I am not sure that I want kids. I am about 80 percent sure i do not, but may change my mind.

I tell guys this upfront because they may want kids one day. And it is not fair to string people along if we don't have the same values.

Answer 9

I decided to not have children and when I'm asked I'm honest and say...nope. Don't want any. Do whatever feels right to you, tell not tell. A real man will care for you for who you are...if he doesn't like it...oh well, there is always someone who doesn't want kids either or has already had them and they are grown. =)

Answer 10

that's a good question! i don't think it's necessarily 'right' or 'wrong'. BUT.....in a serious relationship, i would ask myself, "would I want my partner to share the WHOLE story with me if the shoe were on the other foot???" i don't know about you, but i feel more free and relaxed when i have fewer secrets in life. :o)