what are some good jokes?

Answer 1

A lady was taking a shower and the doorbell rang. it was the race car driver. she put on her bathrobe and openned the door. the driver said "Aren't you going to congratulate me? I won the race!" the lady said congrats and went back into the shower. a few minutes later the doorbell rang. it was a couple. she put on her bathrobe and openned the door. "Aren't you going to congratulate us?" they said, "We just got married!" the lady said congrats and went back into the shower. a few minutes later the doorbell rang again. it was the blind man. she didn't put on her bathrobe because she knew that the man couldn't see her. she openned the door. "Aren't you going to congratulate me?" he said, "I can see again!!!"



Three men were out in the middle of the ocean. one was american, one was, spanish, and one was chinese. The chinese man said, "I have too much of these in my country." And threw down some rice in the ocean. The spanish man said, "I have too much of these in my country!" and threw down some tamales. the american man didn't have anything but said, "I have too much of these in MY country." and threw down the Spanish man!!

Answer 2

Q) What's a fleas favorite type of transportation?

A) The Greyhound Express

Answer 3

A blonde walks into the dry cleaners. She hands a sweater to the clerk and says that she needs it cleaned. The clerk didn't hear her and says, "Come again?" The blonde blushes and says, "No, just mustard this time."

Answer 4

Little Johnny's teacher says, "Class, today we are going to learn multi-syllable words. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?"

Little Johnny raises his hand, "Me, Miss Finch!"

Miss Finch turns towards the eager young lad, "All right, Little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable
word?"

Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate".

Miss Finch smiles and says, "Well, little Johnny, that sure is a mouthful!".

Little Johnny says, "No, Miss Finch, you're thinking of a bl0wjob".

Little Johnny was on his way back home from the store with a
loaf of bread in one hand, and his other hand in his pants
pocket.
Off in the distance, Father Joseph sees little
Johnny and realizes this is the perfect opportunity to go preach the gospel of the Holy Bible to the young boy.
Father Joseph approaches little Johnny and says, "I see that you have the "Staff of Life" in one hand."
"Yep," replies little Johnny. "And I have a loaf of bread in
the other!"

It was little Johnny's first day in a new school, so his father looked up the teacher. He told her that little Johnny was a good kid but that he was an avid gambler. He warned her that little Johnny might win lunch money from the other kids if he was not watched closely.
The teacher did not seem disturbed, assured the father that she had handled many such problems and was very capable of taking care of little Johnny's urge to gamble.
Shortly after lunch, the father called the teacher and asked her how things were going.
"Oh, everything is going very well." She said. "I think I may have cured little Johnny of his gambling habit."
The father asked her what had happened.
"The little tyke absolutely insisted on betting me ten dollars that I had a mole on my rear." She said. "I finally agreed to the bet and took him to the teacher's lounge to show him that I had no mole."
"Damn!" The father said. "He bet me fifty dollars this morning that he would see the teacher's bare a$s before the day was over."

Johnny loved his new train set. His mother could leave him for hours at a time while she did things around the house without him to bother her.

One day, while she was cooking dinner, she over heard Johnny. Every time the train would pass the station, she would hear him say "All those that want to get off, get the *** off, All of you that want to get on, get the *** on."
Highly disturbed by this, she raced into the room where Johnny was playing. "Young man", she said "march up to your room and think about what I've told you about that kind of language."
So up to his room he goes.
Two hours later, he comes back down and sits down by his train set. The train goes around a couple of times and he proceeds to say "All those who want to get off, get the *** off, all those who want to get on, get the *** on, all those who are pissed off about the two hour delay, talk to the ***** in the kitchen.


One day in school, the teacher decides to play 20 questions.
So the teacher says "OK kids, I am thinking of something round, and red"
Little Suzy pipes up "I know, it's a tomato".
"No but you're thinking, it's an apple" replies the teacher.
So Little Johnny stands up, places his hand in his pocket and says "I am holding onto something that is round, hard, and has a head on it"
"Go to the principals office" says the teacher.
"No but you're thinking", say Johnny, "It's a quarter"

Answer 5

once opon a time a girl asked her mommy "mommy how old are you" and her mom said you dont need to know that so the daughter asked mommy how much do you weigh and the mom said you dont need to know that and the girl asked her mom "mommy why did you and daddy get divorced" and the mom said... you dont need to know that

so at skool one day the girls friend said to look at the moms i.d card

she walked up to her mom and said "mom i know how old you are" and the mom said how old .. the daughter said "28"
and then she said i no how much you weigh and the mom said how much and the girl said 129 pounds and then the little girl said i know why you and daddy got divorced and the mom said why and the daughter said... becuz you got an "F" in sex

Answer 6

Q:What do you call a lesbian Dinosaur?

A: a lickalottapuss


Q: What do a mans penis and a Rubix cube have in common?

A: The more you play with them they harder they get.

Answer 7

The Lord told Noah to build an ark. Noah says, "I'm sorry, I can't hear you. Can you please speak into the microphone." The Lord took a microphone and spoke into it saying, "I'm sorry, is this better?"

Answer 8

Have you ever seen mothballs? If so, how did you get his little legs apart???