I have a boyfriend whom I've been dating for about 1 1/2 years. In this amount of time, due to other issues, I have alienated myself from most of my friends and people I would confide in. My BF is kind of hard to talk to as well. SO, in July, I began keeping a diary of things going on in my life (be it our relationship, my family, friends, work, etc.) I do this to get out frustrations and thoughts that would otherwise stew inside of me, and put them on paper, so I can later reflect while in a different mood! People tell me this is good for me. My BF on the other hand feels I should not have this journal and thinks I'm keeping secrets from him. I told him if he HAS to read then go ahead. But he won't. He assumes its all bad stuff about him & he'll just give me crap about it when he notices I've had it out and written in it. Keep in mind we're not married, engaged. or co-habitating, so I have 2 questions. 1) Am I wrong for keeping this diary? 2) Am I obligated to share it with him?
2007-01-15 11:04:56 · 29 answers · asked by Haleigh's Mommy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Keep in mind that I have offered to let him read it. But he refuses. I have offered to stop and throw it away and he says "don't do that". Instead he says "if you feel you gotta hide things and keep secrets, go ahead!!" I'll make him mad either way it seems!
2007-01-15 11:18:12 · update #1
Ok, 4 those who answered "yes". Please expain your answers. I'm very curious as to why you feel this way. At what point in the relationship does a man gain ownership and right to ALL of my property, thought, and feelings. Because the next time I reach that point in this or another relationship, I'm gonna ruuuuuuunnnnn!!!!
2007-01-16 11:17:30 · update #2
Not wrong to keep a diary. Not obligated to share it, but the fact you have offered to speaks volumes.
Maybe he's just miffed that you keep a diary rather than confiding in him. That's what has hurt his feelings. He probably hasn't got a problem with you keeping a diary, or sharing it even. Maybe deep down he knows that you have communication problems, and in a typical non-communicative way- doesn't want to admit it.
Just tell him it's not like you want to have a diary to vent, you NEED a diary to vent. Tell him that you'd really like to confide in him instead, but that you figured you'd bore him, or are scared that he'd think you were moaning and whining. Check his response. If he gets a little shy and doesn't really reply, maybe he's indicating that he would love for you to confide in him. Some people aren't great talkers.... but make great listeners. Perhaps he doesn't realise just how difficult he is to confide in.
Although this situation seems like a pain in the backside, maybe in the long run this is a really good thing to happen in your relationship. If you can get through this, start communicating more and confiding in eachother, your relationship will go from strength and strength and really blossom.
He doesn't sound such a bad guy. We all get uptight about not having the 'perfect' relationship!
Good luck! :-)
2007-01-15 11:16:02 · answer #1 · answered by midsojo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The purpose of a personal diary, is just that...it's personal. Your bf just has insecurity issues if he ASSUMES that you are writing negative things about him. And so what if you are? He should be happy that you are letting out your anger in those pages, and not cursing him the hell out. Journaling is a very healthy way to deal with problems. It's a great tool. So, keep using your journal and let go of the guilt. You are not obligated to show it to him. Even if he was your husband, you are not obligated.
2007-01-15 11:22:41 · answer #2 · answered by Yvette N 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is the best thing you could do to keep a journal. It's none of his business and he probably wouldn't get it anyway. People who don't write in journals might now understand that when you write you write to do exactly what you said, get your frustrations out. It is a snapshot of your exact mood at an exact time. He would probably come in and read it and if it happened to be about something he did that annoyed you for example, he would take it all wrong. Good for you for telling him that he's free to read it if he wishes because it shows that you really have nothing to hide. If he still doesn't trust you or if he takes you up on reading your journal because he just "knows" it's something bad, then get rid of him.
2007-01-15 11:14:04 · answer #3 · answered by graybear 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are NOT wrong for keeping something personal for yourself!
Just because he is your boyfriend doesn't mean he has the right to look at your private journals. Not even a fiance or husband as the right to. Because they are for YOUR eyes ONLY.
You are NOT obligated to share it with him. He should understand that this is a DIARY. It's something that helps you through life. He should understand that. And if he doesn't, well... he has a problem.
So what if you may have put some stuff about him... some mean stuff? WHO CARES? We all think that our significant other is annoying or have bad habits that disgust us or SOMETHING. He has to learn to live with your diary whether he likes it or not. Don't give in to his pushing!!
2007-01-15 11:08:02 · answer #4 · answered by ( Kelly ) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're with a loser. I'm sorry, but any man that causes you to lose friends etc is not going to be worth it.
It doesn't sound like either of you are happy.
And it sounds like you can't win with him! He doesn't want you to keep secrets from him in a journal but won't read the journal even though it's offered to him - he sounds fussy and high maintenance.
Dump him, get your friends back, get your life back on track, then get yourself a man who you can confide in (after all, isn't your partner supposed to be your best friend??) and someone who cares about your feelings and wants to cheer you up on down days (someone who cares when you are down!)
And no, you are not wrong for keeping a diary. I find this is the best way to get things off your chest, I don;t share mine with my boyfriend of 15 months - I confide in him but sometimes some thoughts are for you alone.
2007-01-15 11:10:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong at all for journaling your thoughts. I know how great it can be as to getting your feelings and thoughts down on paper. My boyfriend of all people asked me the other night he thought it would be great for me to start a journal about our relationship (which I was blown away by his thought fullness) and he said it will be just for my own personal use and that I didn't have to share it with him if I didn't want to. It is your personal business and so if he can't trust you he has issues.........
2007-01-15 11:38:07 · answer #6 · answered by daydreamer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keeping a journal or diary can be very theraputic .It allows to express your inner feeling when you feel like you are unable to do so with a B/f or spouse.I found it very theraputic during my divorce, to be able to express what I was feeling at the time and later review my personal progress.Its not wrong to keep your journal private.They are your feelings and you did offer to share them.Even if you were married, co-habitating or engaged you have a right to express your feelings.
2007-01-15 18:48:47 · answer #7 · answered by prettycoolchick38 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. To both. When he starts ask for his wallet. Just because. You can go as far as getting a small safe or a foot locker to keep your stuff in. You need your private stuff. He should have his too. My wife has her things and i have mine. She has her pistol in her small safe along with other personal stuff that may be worth something or that she does not want me or just don't want one of the kids to get into. Don't you want some stuff locked up so that if he and his friend come over while you are not there that they can not plunder. I do. The last thing I need is the wife or one of the kids to get out my guns or mess with things that were gave to me by people that can not get replaced. Dad had things that were as simple as a card picked up in vietnam that just was neat. You do not want cetian things messed with. That pair of ear rings and so forth.
2007-01-15 11:18:09 · answer #8 · answered by ronnny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keeping a journal is very healthy and great on you're part. I've learned that my friends/family may have their opinions but aren't always right. You have to go with what you feel and what you feel in you're heart. Also you shouldn't feel obligated in sharing a journal with you're boyfriend. I mean if he wants to read it...then it's up to you, but, you shouldn't have to.
A journal is great and it helps you reflect on the relationship and you're actions.
2007-01-15 11:09:12 · answer #9 · answered by lotsofluv007 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you aren't wrong in keeping this from him. I've been married for 15 years and I keep a journal. My husband doesn't know. You don't have to share everything with him. And yes, it does help to put your feelings down on paper. It helps me to work through difficult problems. He also sounds insecure. If you are thinking of marrying this man you need to work through his insecurities now. Good luck.
2007-01-15 11:10:05 · answer #10 · answered by sweetie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋