My sister/best friend has a boyfriend of 5 years who she shares 2 children with. They have been engaged for 2 years. I stayed with her over xmas & they started arguing in front of me. She wants to get married to him asap & would like a small ceremony, she showed me her plans & I think what she wants is not unresonable. However her partner wants to get married in a courthouse & have a b.b.q. after. They do not have much money & have just bought a house. Our mother offered to pay for the wedding but my sisters partner refuses. He thinks a ceremony is just an expensive show for everyone else & if they really love each other it is not necessary, She thinks it is a public celebration of their love & commitment to each other. I also think she feels pressured because our family is deeply religious & she knows both our parents disapprove of sex/children before marriage. They have both asked me for my opinion- But I think they are both right. How can I suggest a compromise?
2007-01-15 10:48:21 · 9 answers · asked by animalluvr 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It appears that the couple in question both agree that marriage is the thing to do. BUT how to complete the union? Quite frankly, they both have good ideas. This couple needs to sit down and think this "ceremoney" through. Why not have the marriage ceremoney at thier new house with a few friends and family? He can have his BBQ and she can have her appropriate ceremoney.
2007-01-15 11:05:53 · answer #1 · answered by William W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most of your relatives will feel offended to be lied to. Either wait to get married or marry now and throw a marriage celebration party when you get back. Having a fake wedding doesn't honor anybody, least of all the institution of marriage. It's a different story if your religious officiant cannot legally perform a wedding. For instance, in many Bible belt states, a pagan minister cannot perform a legal wedding since laws do not permit him/her from obtaining proper documentation from the state. In this case, a courthouse wedding is required and can be followed by a religious ceremony without offense.
2016-05-24 18:12:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My gut feeling is that if they can't agree on something as simple as how to get married maybe they shouldn't get married even if they have kids already.
As for a compromise...have a friend get ordained (can be done online and by sending in some paperwork) and do the backyard thing. It would be a religious ceremony yet be practical. Yet, you're probably better just tryint to stay out of this as much as possible.
2007-01-15 11:03:35 · answer #3 · answered by laetusatheos 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got married in a courthouse. The upside was that it was cheap. The downside was that it was impersonal. Can't they have a ceremony wedding for just family/best friends that will not be costly. Maybe an outdoor weddding with the b.b.q.after. I don't reccomend the courthouse because its nothing to remember and you want to have great memories of a great day.
2007-01-15 10:54:13 · answer #4 · answered by jabbergirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't your problem, and it is better to stay out because no matter what someone will be upset by your suggestion. If it was me, i'd have a civil ceremony, but do it somewhere special, like at a park, or by a lake, infront of a historic building and it can still be kept small and speical.
2007-01-15 11:00:08 · answer #5 · answered by Em C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marrying in a court house IS a ceremony. It just isn't a lavish one. If your sister and her intended don't want a large bash for a wedding then their wishes should be complied with it is THEIR wedding and THEIR marriage not your mother's.
2007-01-15 11:10:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once they have the marriage license, it's a marriage. Have the BBQ and have a "mock wedding" at the BBQ. That way you don't have to have a preacher. Have Dad or gramps or whoever do the "ceremony". Little to no cost there.
2007-01-15 10:58:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I would say they are both right, but if her mother is paying for the ceremony then his argument is null and void (yes, it's "expensive" - but they're not paying for it). Perhaps she can scale back her plans a bit, but still have a meaninful ceremony.
2007-01-15 11:05:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First stay out of it, you will only offend one, and eventually both will hate you. Either way they do it, married is married, if they want it to be. However in my opinion it is the Bride's big day, and she should get her way.
2007-01-15 10:53:55 · answer #9 · answered by Beau R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋