My girlfriend of 10 months who is 27 (russian) and lives at home wants me to come in and say hello to her parents everytime i pick her up or drop her off. Its important to her that i be close to her family because she is. I dont have a problem with it every now and then but i feel it is a bit unusual and reminds me of when i was 16 years old. I keep telling her to be more indepenent and leave the nest. Am I wrong?
2007-01-15 10:32:53 · 23 answers · asked by slumlordo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
thats how eastern europeans and russians are. its respectful to do that....
....i dont need you to meet my parents.... im just interested in getting wined dined and 69ed.
2007-01-15 10:37:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's 27 she should definitely start being more independent. I can understand her wanting to be close to her family, but at 27 years old she shouldn't be living with her parents still. Let her know that you don't like feeling like a 16 year old, and that she shouldn't be living with her parents like a 16 year old either. I don't know a lot about Russian culture, so I don't know if it's approprate for a 27 year old woman to be living with her parents according to their standards; this is just my American point of view. She needs to find a place of her own, or maybe even move in with you (if you two are that serious). But all I can say is that there's obvously some disagreement between cultures here, and that's what you get for dating someone of a different culture. Trust me I know how cultural differences go. It's just something you have to deal with to be with the one you love.
2007-01-15 10:43:04 · answer #2 · answered by Carolinii 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Respect the fact that she is close to her family. If she wants you to come in and say hello, go ahead and do it. Don't feel pressured, just go with the flow and strike up an easygoing conversation. You could end up becoming genuinely close with her family instead of just doing because she asked you to. Either way, everyone will be more appreciative you. I see your point about feeling like you're 16 again, but maybe in her culture it's important that she is close with her family and that her boyfriend is too since you've been together for so long. It will just make you more comortable with each other in the long run and for future relationships you may have.
2007-01-15 10:39:46 · answer #3 · answered by ColleenM7387 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a female, I can understand how she must feel. As someone who dates a young gentleman who lives with his parents, I still understand how she feels. Family is so important to a lot of people. You are lucky to be dating someone who has such a strong bond. Do you realize what we females think when we have a man who cares enough to take the time out to be respectful and come inside and say hello? Afterall, you ARE taking their daughter, a very special person, away from them. What difference does it make to you to take 5-10 minutes out of your time to go in, say hello, ask how they are, and be sincere? It sounds to me like you are dating a wonderful lady who will probably make some man a very good wife. Someone who values family like that is someone to keep around. On the grande scheme, you only have to put in a few minutes a day to her family, that little effort will go a long way. Trust me.
2007-01-15 10:49:47 · answer #4 · answered by dancingdilemma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How serious are you with her? If you want to get to know her better you will need to know her family, and it is definitely important to get on with them if you are looking at a permanent relationship. But it should go the other way too. Does she visit your family? Also I wonder if you are feeling like you are pressured into doing what she wants to do all the time. Do you feel like it is a competition between them and you? Either way you are going to have to decide to make the best of the situation, hopefully with some compromise on both sides or call it off.
2007-01-15 10:50:17 · answer #5 · answered by Ma C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you're uncomfortable with saying hi, then you'll only get more uncomfortable when they become in-laws and have strong opinions about how you two should be living your life.
It is very important to find someone who will choose you over their parents, otherwise those parents will be part of your life for the long term.
It is not wrong of her to be that way, but it is a big warning sign about what your long-term relationship will be like.
2007-01-15 10:37:52 · answer #6 · answered by Julian A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a sign of respect for you to get out of you car and walk to the door and pick up your date, and say hello to the parents. My husband did this all the time, and he was over almost every day so be respectful to your elders.
2007-01-15 10:41:55 · answer #7 · answered by Ms Pollyanna 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be careful with the Russian women. They have their own ways. Tell he that before you get married to her what is important to you is her, not her parents, and if she is going to force you into things you don't feel comfortable with, you will have to give it a second though.
2007-01-15 10:39:03 · answer #8 · answered by Kalistrat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think you are wrong for telling her to be more independent. She's 27; it IS about time that she "leaves the nest". I think it's okay that she wants you to be closer to her family and you should definitely respect her on that one, but you should tell her that she needs to meet you halfway.
2007-01-15 10:37:14 · answer #9 · answered by Delvala 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are very wrong.You have to remember the saying "blood is thicker than water" and not kick her family to the curve. What helps in this situation is to be very sociable and tell lots of jokes and they will except you.Ethnicity doesn't matter. If you love her you can except the differences and take her family in vice versa
PUTTING THIS IN A MALE'S WORDS IF YOU CAN GET CLOSE 2 HER FAMILY U CAN GET IN THERE AND SCORE
2007-01-15 10:50:30 · answer #10 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's probably getting pressure from her parents. Russians tend to be more strict about these things. If you love her, then why not. If you don't then maybe you should break up. Her family isn't going away.
2007-01-15 10:37:08 · answer #11 · answered by jabbergirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋