Do you know any good jokes?

Question

tell me any jokes that you know please cuz i have to know some by the end of the week please!!!!!or else they will fire me

Answer 1

where the hell do you work?

anyway:

Q: What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?
A: Any dog. buildings don't jump.

Q: What's a vapmire's favorite fruit?
A: A nectarine

Q: If quizes are quizzical, then what are tests?

Answer 2

ok there was this couple who had 6 kids and they were waiting at the bus stop waiting for the public bus. While they were waiting a blind mans come and waits for the bus too. So when the bus comes the wife says to her husband "theres only room enough for 7 people" so the husband let his wife and kids go while he waited with the bilnd man. While they were waiting the blind man starts tapping his blind stick. Well the man gets anoyed by that and he tells him, "why dont u put something plastic or rubber on ur stick so it doesnt make so much noise?" well the blind man says, "well maybe if u put some "rubber or plastic" at the end of your stick maybe we would both be on the bus!"

Answer 3

Here's a good one:
A polish guy marries an american women.Many days later the polish dude goes to a lawyer and says I would like to have a divorce.The lawyer says why? so the polish guy says that his wife wants to kill him. So the lawyer says do you have any proof? So he says In the bathroom there's a bottle labeled "polish remover"

Get it? Don't forget to mention that the polish guy dosen't know english very well!! This joke made ALL my friends and family laugh.

Answer 4

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

Answer 5

a penguin broke down in the dessert and he phone the mechanic and explained. 10 minutes later he was in the garage and the mechanic was explaining that it would be a few hours so he might want to take a walk or something, so he did. after a while he ended up sitting in a frezzer eating icecream in the (leading supermarket?) so he decides to head back and the mechanic say "looks like you blew a seal"
so the penguin says "NO, NO its just icecream "

Answer 6

People who excelled in the game hide and seek are the future stalkers of tomorrow.

Answer 7

haha good well i acquired a intercourse funny story for you wish you adore it :) on listening to that her grandad had simply died kate went and visited her nan to alleviation her whilst she requested how he died her nan replyed through sayin that he had had a center assault at the same time makin love two her kate mentioned that it used to be foolish that two ancient humans wherein havin intercourse because it used to be askin for situation her nan replyed through sayin that they used to do it to the gradual speed of the church bells because it used to be simply the correct pace she then wiped a tear from her eye and carryed on through sayin''if that dahmed ice cream van hadnt come alongside he might nonetheless be alive in these days'' :) xxx

Answer 8

Q: How do you know Adam(biblical) wasn't black?

A: Have you ever tried taking a rib from a black man?


Math teachers are people who count

Answer 9

Did you hear the one about the woman who would do anything for a mink coat? Now she can not button it up!!

Answer 10

What are a frog's favorite shoes?

Answer - open toad sandles