My sister got married in the courthouse 4 years ago without any kind of celebration. I just had a traditional Church Wedding a few months ago(which my husband and i paid for) and now she has decided to renew her vows. She is going to pretty much have the Church Wedding she never had. Which she should have done from the beginning. We are all happy for her but very frustrated too. She is expecting all the parents to pay for the whole celebration. She also wants a Bridal Shower. Being that she is already married i think her and her husband should be responsible to pay for the whole thing. I'm very confused? Her husband even helped her pick out her wedding gown. Now I am planning her shower but wondering if I am doing the right thing?
2007-01-15 09:36:55 · 19 answers · asked by sara 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Hum... it sounds like she wants a wedding for all the wrong reasons. I can't believe that the parents are even thinking of paying for this. If you want do something small for her, if it were me I really wouldn't because techincally she's not getting married she's renewing her vows. There is a big difference.
2007-01-15 09:43:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your sister sounds like an idiot! She is already married---NO bridal shower, because she isn't a bride! And even renewing their vows after only 4 years is not normally done. Usually that is reserved for a wedding anniversary---10, 20, 25 years or whatever. And when renewing vows, it is also usually just a small intimate ceremony with family and very close friends.
If your sister insists on having a big Church thing, she is going to look like a fool. If I were you, I wouldn't be any part of it. Family members aren't supposed to give showers, so tell her you will have to decline.
I suppose she has picked out a traditional white dress, too! That is unbelieveably tacky! Distance yourself from the whole thing so you don't look like a fool, too.
2007-01-16 03:41:11 · answer #2 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would have to agree with the other answers here and say no shower. It was HER choice, one would assume, to not have a traditional wedding in the first place. She has been married for 4 years already. It's a little late for a bridal shower. Kind of like having a baby shower for your kindergartner. A renewal of vows is primarily for the couple themselves, it doesn't give you an excuse to collect all the wedding gifts that you feel you were "cheated out of." As for the parents paying for it? Well, no disrespect, but if they are foolish enough to go along with her nonsense!
2007-01-15 18:07:46 · answer #3 · answered by MelB 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is "expecting" people to pay for stuff? Hmmm, that's pretty tacky, I'd say. As far as I understand, a bridal shower is thrown by a close friend (MOH usually) - but not "asked for" or "expected" by the bride. And she is not even the bride. There's nothing wrong with having some fun for the occasion - you can throw a renewal-of-vows shower (I mean, you have to call it what it is). It would basically just be a fun party, I would put on the invitations something like "no gifts expected" - otherwise, it might be misconstrued as a greedy demand for gifts. If the parents want to pay for the ceremony - that's fine; but she certainly shouldn't "expect" it. She's been married for 4 years - she's a big girl, and her husband is a big boy; they are on their own now.
2007-01-15 18:18:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, you are not doing the right thing. By having a bridal shower is showing extremely poor taste, so tacky. Its basically begging for gifts....lettme guess..She's registered somewhere too huh? So TRASHY!
Sounds to me like your sister is jealous of the day you had and now wants her own day.. Well so would the rest of us. I got married in a very small non big church way over 10 years ago and now I'm watching all the siblings have these huge beautiful church weddings..yea it brings a lil pang of jealousy but in the end..we're all just as married as each other. If they want to re-new their vows, great, I hope it brings them closer and only makes their marriage stronger, but don't stoop to the ultimate low and beg all of your family and friends for gifts. Remind her of the purpose of a Bridal Shower...its for the initial setting up of the home. Not for replacing worn out pots and pans. If she truly wants to show class, they will also request no gifts at the renewal ceremony, possibly suggesting a charitable donation to a favorite cause.
2007-01-15 17:46:40 · answer #5 · answered by Sharlala 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. It absolutely is NOT proper-- it is preposterous. Married people do not have wedding showers.
It is also bad etiquette for family memebrs to be hosting the shower anyways, so youa re off the hook for that on TWO counts.
In most cases the "Renewal of vows" with all the trimmings idea is not appropriate either. You really are only supposed to have one wedding per marriage, however modest that wedding may be.
And the fact that she wants the parents to pay is just positively atrocious, too. My goodness. I hope the parents are all saying NO.
I urge you to get your sister a Miss Manners book and also to refer her to the websites below, before she makes a grand fool of herself.
2007-01-15 17:46:45 · answer #6 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your sister made her decision 4 years ago. It's cool she wants to renew the vows, but what is her motive behind that decision? If she is wanting to exchange vows to share with family & friends that's terrific. If she's doing it because your wedding made her feel cheated, well that really isn't a good reason.
She shouldn't expect any pre-wedding parties nor should she expect gifts, though there will be some that will get them one along the same lines as a housewarming gift.
2007-01-15 17:46:23 · answer #7 · answered by weddrev 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
stop what ever it is you are doing. i eloped. did i expect a bridal shower afterwards? nope. it's not right. just because you are renewing your vows and doing it in a church this go 'raound, doesn't mean you get to have twice the number of gifts. that's nonsense.
if anything, your sister should be sending out invitations with a huge banner that reads "no gifts accepted under any circimstances. any gifts received will be given to a charity of my choise."
so, stop the wheels before the cart gets too much further down the road. good luck with your selfish sister.
2007-01-15 17:43:55 · answer #8 · answered by gypsysoul52 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'd say hell no! She's just jealous because she saw what she missed when you got married! Your parents are fools if they pay for this!!! They have been married 4 years, if they want to renew their vows it's up to them to pay for it!! And you can forget gifts, that's tacky after 4 years of marriage!! YOU DO NOT THROW A SHOWER JUST BECAUSE THEY RENEW THEIR VOWS. I'd be insulted to be invited to such an event and be expected to supply a gift! That's as bad has having a baby shower for a second or third child!!! You want it, you pay for it!!!
2007-01-15 17:41:31 · answer #9 · answered by wish I were 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that because they have been married for four years they might think about having a very informal party where they can still register as if it were a bridal party.
It would be hard to buy for someone who has already lived with their husband for at least four years.
2007-01-15 17:43:56 · answer #10 · answered by itsjustme 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋