My bf of 4months and I are very open with eachother and practically know that we are meant to be together, love eachother, my sister even mentioned being soul-mates. And I agree that I love him and have no doubt that Id be able to live with him (just spent, just about the whole December with him), and he's amazing. We have spoken about everything, know eachothers moods, even what the other is thinking at times. We are wanting to move in together towards the end of the year, we have spoken about marraige, agreed on 'in about 4years' - he'l be 28, kids after about 2years. Obviously finances and where to live have also been spoken of etc. His and my views are the same, we've agreed on most the important relevant things. I'd just like to know what you think, even though you don't know us, could all this talk be too soon?
2007-01-15 09:21:23 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
There's a reason for getting things done in the right order, and that includes marriage. I think you need to be dating for at least a year before talking about marriage. Then, make your plans. Next, get married. Then move in. Wait at least one year before planning on children (two would be better). What all this does is it gives you both time to know each other, as much as you can (no one really knows everything, because as time goes by, people mature). What often happens is too many couples play the dating game, not being completely honest about who they really are. That's why many marriages fail. Each one goes in with the wrong impressions & expectations. I also highly recommend counselling, during the time when you're planning your wedding. This often opens up your eyes to the possible roadblocks and problems that you may encounter through your marriage. Such as who will handle the bills, checkbook, and what religion will the children be raised with. You'd be surprised at how many simple things have broken many a marriage. If you are truly meant to be together, all of this won't be scary, and will only make things better for the both of you. Hurrying into something before you've explored your relationship might be the very thing that makes things blow apart, a few years down the road. Having been married for over 29 years, I've been through a lot of rough stuff, much of which the average marriage never sees. My only desire is for you to protect yourself, and make sure that you take things slow. Enjoy the ride. Marriage needs to be forever, not just as long as the feelings last (which fade rather quickly, at times). <*)))><
2007-01-15 09:39:18 · answer #1 · answered by Sandylynn 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that is depends on the two people involved. It seems as though it is just talk and no it is not too soon but you have not really dealt with a difficult situation head on. It is one thing to say what you both will do but when put in the situation, trust me actions are different. Now i have a friend who was engaged after 7 months and then married and it is truly her soul mate. So it is always possible just dont be blind to the fact and caught up in the what i call "beginning love" of the relaitonship that when something major does happen you are ready to run because you were so use to things being a certain way. Different major situations always put a damper on even the strongest relationships. But if you feel that you can endure it, GO FOR IT! Always keep prayer and God in ya life!
2007-01-15 09:31:32 · answer #2 · answered by shay80800 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good question :) It is good to talk and communicate, perhaps making the future commitments may be a bit soon but it sure sounds like you have found what you are looking for. I would give it another few months and see perhaps by the summer if you feel the same way. Right now, enjoy talking about the future plans, if you are having as much fun with him the time will roll past before you even knew it.
All the best and happiness :)
2007-01-15 09:32:02 · answer #3 · answered by Keanu 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Too soon. Have you ever gotten in a serious fight? Have you ever seen him really really sick? Have you guys seen eachother at your absolute worst? There's a lot of stuff that comes with being together a few years that is really telling. Why rush things anyway? Can't you just be together and enjoy eachother and play it by ear? You can always get married and have kids later on - but this is really the best part - the courtship, the romance of it, not really knowing what's going to happen next. How old are you, by the by? He's 28, you are?
2007-01-15 09:30:01 · answer #4 · answered by kinkaidjr1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sure its nice to talk and fantasies about the future together but you did say the key word (4 years). Four years down the road will be plenty of time to keep discussing your future together while your still getting to know each other well enough and fall more madly in love. After a year or longer you will know if your relationship is destined to marriage. Don't give up on your dreams. The best to you both.
2007-01-15 09:35:17 · answer #5 · answered by daydreamer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really feel, in your heart of hearts, that this is right, than no. If you feel at all that you're shoving a square peg into a round hole because you desperately want to be with someone, then slow down. There will be someone else.
I met my fiance, who will be my husband in 2 months, and knew straight away we were meant to be and he did, too. But even though I knew and thought we'd marry sooner (we've been together for over a year and half and engaged for a year now), I'm glad we didn't rush into it. I've enjoyed our engagement and getting to know him. Enjoy each other and plan for a meaningful wedding. If you're really soul mates, he'll be your soul mate forever.
2007-01-15 09:29:05 · answer #6 · answered by shannonscorpio 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think 4 months of dating is not too soon, but my opinion as far as an actual future is concerned is as follows: If you love each other and are committed then my feeling is that you should be married before moving in together. Marriage is a lifelong commitment and if you cannot see yourself making that commitment then why move in together is my thought? I believe in marriage first and living together after that. Just a thought, prayers and congratulations =)
2007-01-15 09:27:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
nah, theres nothing wrong with planning for the future. But even though everything seems great and all that something could happen down the road that could completely change your mind. Make sure that you will be able to take care of yourself if you two break up. Dont turn down a good job or anything because in a few years he is going to take care of you.
2007-01-15 09:27:56 · answer #8 · answered by Steveo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
instead of planning a future that cannot come true cause no amount of planning can ever predict the future.
why not just live in the moment, enjoy each other and see where it leads.
to me you are wasting time on things you have zero control over in the future and you are missing out on each other today due to it.
and most that talk marriage and all this soon after dating someone, normally means puppy love or the ability to escape their present. both end in divorce if moved upon quickly.
2007-01-15 09:26:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does seem a bit soon, but I've heard of people doing it much sooner. However, I like that you aren't planning on moving in together until the end of the year (you'll have known each other over a year by then) and marriage in 4 yrs...both of those things will allow you two to know one another WELL before taking big steps with the relationship.
Sounds like a good plan to me. Best of luck to you.
2007-01-15 09:26:28 · answer #10 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋