I've been engaged since June, and I'm totally in love with my fiance. I was a virgin when we met and have been sexually active with him since July. I've never done anything sexual with anyone except for him in all ways. I was molested by an ex boyfriend when I was 14, so the thought of sex, or anything relative to it scared me. I trust him very much, to where i'm comfertable having an orgasm infront of him. The problem is, the only way I'll orgasm is if he manually stimiluates me the same way i masturbate. Everything else, fingering, oral, vaginal, feels nice.. but i don't orgasm off of it. There was only one time he fingered me that it felt nice, but the other times it either felt like nothing or it hurt. How do I fix this? Why does it feel good at certain times and then at other times it doesn't? It isn't him, he's an excelent lover, it's just me and how my body works. Help!
2007-01-15 08:43:28 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
A lot of women can only climax from clitoral stimulation... Nothing wrong with that... At least you can get off...
Try different positions, maybe some toys, etc... If you cant get there from penetration, go back to the old reliable... Point is, just enjoy discovering what makes you feel good... Your boyfriend will enjoy it too.
2007-01-15 08:48:19 · answer #1 · answered by Jessica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it, but if you've never been with anyone before, then how do you know that he is an excellent lover or not. I am in no position to judge him either, but you imply that you do a better job than he does. How much experience does he have?! This is not the end all of it if you both really care about each other. It could actually be fun.
This is about perception. IF you are turned on by someone, then you'll respond to their touch. Whether the attraction is physical, emotional, lustful, what ever.....you aren't feeling it or he isn't inspiring it.
You could start by allowing him to watch you masturbate. Think of it as hands on training. Pornography can help if you find something that you like and use it as a way to express to your partner.."touch me that way" or "I like to do that to you". Toys can help to as they can reach places that your lover may not be able to reach or they can apply stimulation to places that he cannot. You may be comfortable with any or none of these, but if you are going to spend the rest of your life together, the sex life will be a major part of your relationship. As crazy as this may sound, it can get stale very fast if you don't change things once in a while. You don't have to become a freak, but the same old routine can be just as annoying as having steak every night for dinner. It will get old no matter how good it may be. Get him into it by changing your hair color, bringing his fantasies to life, and he should bring out your fantasies too. Whatever they may be you need to open up to him so that he can satisfy you.
In the rare instance that you find that he just can't do it right, then you may have to take care of your own business...unless you decide to look else where.
You may also need to try some things on your own. You may be uptight about your situation and not allowing yourself to orgasm. I'm not qualified to diagnose you or your fiance, but I hope that I gave you some useful suggestions.
2007-01-15 18:29:30 · answer #2 · answered by Neptune 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
CONGRATS ON YOUR ENGAGEMENT!
Take your time... you are perfectly normal. You are very lucky that you can orgasm at all and that you are comfortable with yourself. That is MOST important. Give yourself more credit. The other stuff may come, it may not, but I'm telling you from personal experience, concentrate on what does work, and not what "hasn't" so far. Recently I found a new way to orgasm - @ 30 & I never would have expected it! (Very very cool, btw - thanks wolfie!) Just enjoy each other.... Movies are good for "ideas"... if you're not ready for "porn" per se .... try "9 1/2 Weeks" with Kim Basinger. You will continue to become more comfortable with each other & try new things... in the meantime... do what works for you & keep the faith alive. Most of all... HAVE FUN!
2007-01-15 17:19:20 · answer #3 · answered by CoronaGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One thing, it sounds like you still have problems from when you were molested, and your body is still scared of what happened to you back then, thats why it only "feels nice" when you have sex with him. Sex with the man you love should be fantastic, no matter what. You need to let your mind drift off and enjoy whats happening to you and your body. You need to relax and enjoy the sensations and feelings that come from making love with him. Yes, I agree that you should learn what your body likes and doesnt like by experimenting on yourself. Only you can tell him how to please you, he cant read your mind, sweety. Getting yourself off is great, what woman hasnt done it? But you should really relax, enjoy the experiences, and tell him what works for you and what doesnt. I hope this helps you better. Hugs, Sharon
2007-01-15 16:56:42 · answer #4 · answered by lilsis3070 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be that he needs to read up on how to do things the right way. Sometimes, it could be that he just can't find to hit the right spot. Maybe the hormone level is off at times. You probably need to contact a physician if it hurts. Overall, when you were raped, something could have happened in your body that made it go askew. You never know.
2007-01-15 16:51:09 · answer #5 · answered by jdd's_kitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes you are in the mood for it and sometimes your not. But in your case being molested might be the key factor and you might just not feel omfortable all the time it will change dear it will change. My girl was the same way and she got over it and now she is a freak in the bed its all I can do is to keep up with her. But you will be fine just give it some time. Keep your head
2007-01-15 17:07:04 · answer #6 · answered by Thomas M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like something to be shared with a therapist. You might have a mental block that will not let you enjoy it a certain way due to what your ex did.
2007-01-15 16:49:09 · answer #7 · answered by boredperv 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you have to relax girl, second maybe pick up a vib and learn your self in there so you can show him. Trying new things always helps, Public sex, or porn or strip clubs. There are all kinds of things you can do just use your imagination. and some lube.
2007-01-15 16:47:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
get him to 'manually stimulate' you WHILE hes doing the other stuff. this will feel especially good, and if he stops the manual stimulation towards before you have an orgasm, you'll orgasm from the other stuff and you'll get to like it more
2007-01-15 16:49:30 · answer #9 · answered by dasistgut_15 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if he doesn't shape up, your sex life is going to be sucky the whole time your married, the only remedy i know of, and its worked for lots of people who were in the same situation as you are, so don't feel bad or anything, this is full proof, and satisfaction guaranteed....
is me....lol....
2007-01-15 16:53:14 · answer #10 · answered by drjayz_22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋