What do I do about a step-child that is rude, lies, manipulative and has his father totally snowballed?

Question

He does absolutely nothing around the house, will not stay home for more than ten minutes, is 17 years old, every other word is a lie, does drugs, and acts totally immature. His father is doing the best he can, his mother has washed her hands of him a long time ago, and to me he is totally out of control. I feel like my marriage is going quickly down the tubes because of him, even though his father tells me that we are fine, he just has to work out all these issues with him. Without meaning to, he takes out his frustrations on me, not physically, just verbally and always apologizes after. He is very much a man in admitting that he is wrong. Even so, I dont know how much more I can take this in my life, it disrupts my household every single day. The two other teenagers in my house, mine, are for the most part under control and very respectful of us both. I am at my wits end............

Answer 1

Try not to get too stressed about it. It's not your kid, so who cares? The mother doesn't care! Why should you sweat about it?

Tolerate him until he is 18, then gently but swiftly, kick him out of the house.

Oh! Also make sure you hide your valuables and if he gets violent do not hesitate to press charges.

You are there to love your husband. His kids is a whole different subject. Tolerate them while you have to, but don't think it is your duty to make them a working part of society, that's their biological parents role.

You focus on YOUR kids. About your husband taking out on you, please realize that the poor guy is suffering because that's his kid. Make a deal with him telling him that you will be extra-compassive with him and tolerate his outburst of anger against you, even if you don't deserve it, until his sons' 18th birthday, but make him promise the kid will move out immediately after that day arrives, for the sake of your relationship.

Of course, to make it fair, YOUR kids have to move out too once they reach that age.

It's for the best anyway, you and your husband will get a second lease on life once all the kids leave.

Answer 2

I feel for you, as I went through a very similar experience and I know all too well about how one bad egg can disrupt and in fact destroy an otherwise loving family.

I was fortunate in the fact that I was not married to the man that I tried to have a "blended" family with. I eventually decided enough was enough and walked away. But during the years we spent together, his oldest daughter managed to lie, manipulate, disrupt and destroy any semblance of family we had. My man was at times abusive~ so I had other issues thrown into the mix. But, he too was sick in the sense that he constantly made excuses for her behavior and would say things like "I can't just throw my kid out into the street"- meanwhile everyone else suffered.

The father of this son needs to make a choice since the son is almost 18: the sanity of his wife and other children in the home- or face the consequence of losing the three of you, even if it just a separation.

You NEED to take care of you and your two children. Given that you are married and there may be economical reasons that you stay, not to mention you must love your husband, the thought of separating may seem too drastic. However, it is not fair to you or your two children to have to have your lives sabotaged by this sick teen and his father who is acting helpless- which also ads to the cycle because the adult is afraid to put their foot down and say "enough is enough".

You know, you marriage sounds like it would work- but your husband needs guidance. Perhaps you can help him find strength and guidance through counseling or through a religious organization. I wish you the best, from one mom to another.

Answer 3

Wow, you living under my roof?

We have two here like that, 21 & 23. I love their Dad very much and the past 4 years I have tried to keep my tongue but it is very hard and I know when I throw my 2 cents worth in it just compounds his frustration. Oh, their Mom walked out on them 6 years ago and started her a new life with her drugs and her younger married lover. She calls them daily reminding them of what a loser their Dad is and how mean and violent he is. She has taught them and showed them over and over how to lie, cheat, steal and become druggies...and she tells anyone that will listen how their Dad is the bad guy. The boys KNOW better and I'm sure 80% of their problem is her, but I can't get him to block her from calling here because no matter what a waste she is she is still their Mom, and for all her harrassment and lies in his heart he knows the boys are decent young men just trying to handle a bad situation the best they can. I am the stability in the home, I'm the one they talk to with the big issues. It's a sad thing to hear someone actually say "I wish she would just overdose on her drugs or alcohol and die, the boys would get over it eventually and the problems would sease"...this comes from the mouth of a good hard working man that would rather open a door and let a fly out than kill it with a fly swatter.

Good luck, for I'm sure we both need it.

Answer 4

I'm sorry about your situation - allow me to say a few things / ask a few questions....it sounds like your stepson did not have a lot of discipline from the begining....how long has he been a part of your household? I wish I had more details.....his birth Mom should not be "washing her hands of him" especially if she did most of his raising.....then she is part of the problem! How is she toward you - how did she handle her divorce?....that may have something to do with your current situation as well...I have seen it happen before where a scorned ex will make the new spouses life difficult by forcing them to deal with an out of control brat or teenager....Why do you feel that your marriage is at risk? Has your husband said this to you? If not, don't worry about it! The only way your marriage would be at risk is if you and your stepson were like at each others throats...in that scenario, if your Husband began to take you two's confrontations personally, then you may have a problem, if not, then there is no issue. If may be best, "doormattish" as this may sound, to not say anything at all to your stepson....let your husband handle it...and as soon as he is legal, put him out!

Answer 5

Well it's obvious she wants attention but is going about it the wrong way. Just take her out for ice cream and movie one day (maybe something else if you know she wouldn't like that) and talk to her about everything. Tell her that you're there for her no matter what even tho she me think that you don't like her or whatever and ask her how she's been feeling about her life situation lately. After you help her or at least talk with her about that make a plan to go and do things with her another time. She'll enjoy spending time with you and all of this will stop if she knows that SOMEBODY actually wants to take time out of their day just for her you know. If all that doesn't work. Just try to talk to both the parents separately and see if you can't work something out. Hope everything will be okay! <33 Kassy

Answer 6

Hey, you know he had a kid when you married him. This would be the same if it was one of your children. They would still affect every day, so don't blame it on being a step child. It's just what you have to deal with when you have children you are raising! You would be at your wits end if it were YOUR children causing the problems!

Answer 7

No One said being a step parent would be easy. You married for better or worse.Well this is the worst so deal with it.he will be 18 before you know it and then you don't have to see him anymore.

Answer 8

Bide your time until he's 18, and then use the occasion to announce to him that he's moving out!

Or just get Dad to cut off his money. That should straighten him up pretty fast.

Answer 9

17 years old. When he's 18 throw him out. You need to start when they are 17 months, not 17 years.

Answer 10

Been there.......so sorry that you have to go through it too! Contact me if you would like to chat about it!